What prompts them to make unhealthy decisions?

[LostSunshine]

My uBPDex is now in a "committed" lesbian relationship (as committed as one can be as she would sleep with me on occasion, once almost 2 minutes after getting off the phone with her partner) and has discussed the possibility of trying to get pregnant and having a kid.

Firstly, for me this act would put a nail in the coffin as far as me ever letting her back in.  I couldn't recover from something like that.

Secondly, not being stable in either work (got fired because of her poor attendance which has happened in the last 8 positions she has worked in the last 10 years) nor education (has not obtained 1 college degree) and already having 3 kids she barely cares for, what would possibly make her think having another child would be a  good idea?  To me this is a horrendously TERRIBLE idea.  Just from the stability point alone.  Perhaps its a ploy to lock her partner in and obligate her to pony up money and take care of her every need?

Just doesn't make good sense!  She's been talking about having a baby for the past 7-8 months... .  projection?  I heard that her mother (whom she has a lot of unresolved issues with) was very much against the idea of her trying to get pregnant again.  (Mother is born-again Christian and not supportive of her newly chosen lifestyle.)

[Clearmind]

Have you read up much on BPD LostSunshine?

It took me a while to wrap my head around the disorder - your ex's reality is very different to yours and its often hard to understand how distorted their reality can be.

[LosingIt2]

Clearmind,

When you say their reality is different or distorted, it's difficult to grasp what that means. I know my exBPD was never not in touch with "reality", as in there were no signs of psychosis. However, as LostSunshine points out, they make such poor and irrational decisions. My ex has no concept of responsibility. I realize now that I was always the "voice of reason" in our relationship. I thought she was just spoiled, but I now believe her behavior is is pathological.

She is 25, no college degree (she should have one, got kicked out of a prestigious university, twice), makes 25,000 a year, broke up with me and moved into an exorbitant, luxury apartment building (that she can't at all afford. her mother became the benefactor again after I was rejected), so on and so forth with spending cash she doesn't have, oh and she wants a baby in 2-3 years. She thinks that children will be the answer to all  her problems, but she can't even take care of herself. It just doesn't add up.

[hithere]

they make such poor and irrational decisions. My ex has no concept of responsibility.

For someone with BPD: feelings = facts... .  and they only think in black and white.  I can't imagine making good life decisions based on this.

[LostSunshine]

Yes I have read a ton on BPD, but as LosingIt stated, no amount of reading I do (at least not yet) is clicking in my brain as to how they can continue to do so, even after realizing that something is truly wrong.

Case in point, the reason she got fired from her last job was poor attendance.  She knew she was on thin ice, and one particular morning she decided that she was going to call in.  Me, trying to play the "voice of reason" said you shouldn't do that.  You're on thin ice with them and you won't be able to keep your job.  When I finally said, but it's your life and so do whatever you want, she immediately made the phone call to her job.  She was fired less than a month later.  I didn't even say I told you so... .  I just knew it was going to happen.

Just like losingit said, my ex can't even take care of herself, so how in the heck is taking care of a child going to help her?  She doesn't even do a good job being a full-time mom to the 3 kids she already has!  All I can do is sit back and shake my head at it all.  This disorder is truly insidious.