High Noon on Wed.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Have lots of angry from a ten month relationship w/ my ex where I enabled her to treat me miserably - always walking on eggshells... .  post-breakup (she dumped me) was even more awful; no respect for my request of NC, claiming I had to still be her best friend, and boastful revelations of a new rltp. right way, which she knew would make me cry. 

We are in grad school. I am about to leave for a new city; the other night a mutual friend dropped by accident that my ex may be planning to bring her new boyfriend to our graduation ceremony to meet all our friends (w/out a warning to me, and knowing I am sensitive about this issue), and that my ex probably cheated (I think kissing, which in my book is still cheating) w/ this new boyfriend while we were still in the rltp., one night after I had spent New Years w/ her family.

After some LC for the past few weeks, we are supposed to meet on Wed. to catch up, and I am filled w/ such angry and hurt. Should I confront her on the hurt I feel (specifically from the cheating and bringing her new boyfriend to the ceremony without asking my feedback)? My friend thinks that I'll re-gain my dignity after this long emotional slug of a year (though he admits I'll probably feel bad afterwards)? Is telling her how I feel -- which will make her      blowup (causing I'm sure a bout of NC btw. us till I move in a few weeks) the way to go?           

[Buzz77]

Have lots of angry from a ten month relationship w/ my ex where I enabled her to treat me miserably - always walking on eggshells... .  post-breakup (she dumped me) was even more awful; no respect for my request of NC, claiming I had to still be her best friend, and boastful revelations of a new rltp. right way, which she knew would make me cry. 

We are in grad school. I am about to leave for a new city; the other night a mutual friend dropped by accident that my ex may be planning to bring her new boyfriend to our graduation ceremony to meet all our friends (w/out a warning to me, and knowing I am sensitive about this issue), and that my ex probably cheated (I think kissing, which in my book is still cheating) w/ this new boyfriend while we were still in the rltp., one night after I had spent New Years w/ her family.

After some LC for the past few weeks, we are supposed to meet on Wed. to catch up, and I am filled w/ such angry and hurt. Should I confront her on the hurt I feel (specifically from the cheating and bringing her new boyfriend to the ceremony without asking my feedback)? My friend thinks that I'll re-gain my dignity after this long emotional slug of a year (though he admits I'll probably feel bad afterwards)? Is telling her how I feel -- which will make her      blowup (causing I'm sure a bout of NC btw. us till I move in a few weeks) the way to go?           

[jrx]

I hope you get meaningful advice from others. I do think it's important to set your boundaries, and you know she's crossing one of yours. But when I tell my exBPDgf about the hurt I felt, three things happened:

1.  I felt invalidated because she didn't care and brought things back to herself

2.  She blamed me for causing both her hurt and my hurt

3.  She sensed weakness and pushed harder against my boundaries

From your last sentence, it sounds like your situation may have both differences and similarities. I wouldn't tell you which way to go if they were the same. While you can't control her behavior, but you do have the support of all your friends. You might consider letting them know what might happen and that you need their friendship at an event that's important to you. Do you think they can help you?

Whatever you choose, I hope it's based on your own goals and values.

[babyducks]

1.  I felt invalidated because she didn't care and brought things back to herself

2.  She blamed me for causing both her hurt and my hurt

3.  She sensed weakness and pushed harder against my boundaries

Wanted to let you know jrandom,  your list of three items,  I am going to print them and put them on my fridge for the future.   Thanks

[jrx]

Thanks for your kind message, b. I'm glad it helped.