Newbie, going through lot of heartache with my dd

[peaceandhope]

I found this website after reading “stop walking on eggshells” After reading some of the topics about helping children with BPD,  tears started rolling in my eyes. I felt a  huge relief that Iam not alone in this world and that there are other parents who are going through exactly what Iam going through and can understand what Iam going through.(My best friend is not talking to me after believing my dd  lies)  Now hope started descending on me, that I can pick my pieces together, put my fast behind and move forward with all your help and blessings.

I wish I new about this website many years ago.

After  reading some of   your dd’s behaviors, its amazing  to  know that I went through exactly similar situations with my dd22.

Iam going through lot of heartache and grief now(I have distanced myself from my dd and talk to her only if she calls for few minutes and I hang up) I know my pain is nothing compared to dd suffering (I have lot of empathy for her). But something is lost in the relationship and I know our relationship will never be the same in future.

I will share my dd story later (When I have more emotional energy to write)

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BioAdoptMom3]

No, absolutely, you are not alone!  The lies are so common.  With all of our DD's other behaviors - cutting, eating disorder, sabotaging friendships and other relationships, it was the lying that caused the psychiatrist and her therapist to suggest BPD traits (she is 13).  When she came to us at birth as a foster child and it took almost 3 years to adopt her I felt like we were on a roller coaster ride.  I feel like we just got back on that same ride 2 years ago!  Take care of yourself and know we are here for you!   

[peaceandhope]

Thanks a lot Bioadoptmom3

[jellibeans]

peaceandhope

I found this site a few months ago and it has been a huge resource of knowledge and insight. At times I felt like people were talking about my daughter... .  I was amazed this was going on in other peoples homes... .  it wasn't just my house. That in it's self gave me such comfort. Until then I felt alone and felt no one understood. Welcome peaceandhope... .  please post when you feel up to sharing or ask a question. From your post you sound like you have been through a lot but have hope. You can't go back in time but your future is bright. Don't dwell there when you are living your life today... .  rest and regain your strength... .  we all need that... .  sending you a hug... .  

[peaceandhope]

Thanks jellibeans for your kind words. Today Iam feeling very very sad. My heart aches for my child. The cognitive distortions makes her view me as an enemy. I feel sad that I have soo  much love for her and she can't feel or see it due to her BPD.  I want her to get help but she has zero insight so she refuses help. I feel helpless that I cant help my child, but just watch her suffer from sidelines.

[jellibeans]

I know the feeling... .  there was a post a few eeks ago that was really good... .  I hope I can remember it... .  "the hardest thing to do is watching someone drown and trying to convince them all they need to do is stand up" I loved this post... .  when you are up to it tell us more details and maybe we can make a suggestion to you to mend that relationship... .  for now this is her reality but that changes very quickly for the pwBPD... .  she needs you and loves you... .  she just doesn't know how to show it... .  she must be in a lot of pain and she wants you to join her... .  it is okay to feel sad... .  we all are sad from time to time... .  take care of yourself... .  

[griz]

PeaceandHope:  You are not alone and your words speak to the same feelings many of us had.  It is so hard to love someone so much and feel like they can't see it or understand it.  I found this site a while ago and it has helped me through some very difficult times but the support here is like no other.  Give yourself some much needed time and care.

Girz  

[vivekananda]

Hi peaceandhope (I love the name  ),

I understand how that lack of emotional energy feels. I refer to being drained myself. It is so sad.

The way that helps me get through this and moving into a better place is by coming onto this board and participating here. I recommend it to you 

Cheers,

Vivek      

[peaceandhope]

Thanks Griz, Vivek  and jellibeans for your kind encouraging words.

[pessim-optimist]

 

welcome here peaceandhope!

I can feel the pain coming from your post about your dd   

And it must be so sad and frustrating with your best friend!   :'(

You are in good company here. Take your time. Grief can drain our energy for a while. When you feel up to it, we will be here to read your story, and share helpful information, resources, and support.   

[angeldust1]

Dear Peaceandhope,

I couldn't help but see my own son in all of these stories as well.  This site is wonderful and has been of great help to me.  The irrational behavior,  makes you feel you are going crazy and unfortunately they don't even see how it affects the very people they love so much.  I wish we could help our pwBPD,  but what i am learning is that we can only help ourselves.  As much as we want to help, feel sorry for,  feel sadness for them,  they must realize this on thier own and seek help.  A lot of the time this is not possible unless they see that they need help and it is not everyone else around them.  So... .  take care of your self as much as possible,  and if your pwBPD needs you,  you will be healthy to be there for them in the way need for you to.  And that is not to say,   to be a doormat.  This is neither good for you or them.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[peaceandhope]

Dear pessim-optimist and Angeldust1,

Thank you for your encouraging words.

It is such a cruel illness and its sad that our beloved ones has to suffer the consequences of the illness along with us  parents.

I wish there is a way we parents can identify at risk kids early and get them help before their teenage years.

Thank you all my friends for your wonderful support, warmth and friendship

Love you all,

Peaceand hope