BPD and OCPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Anyone experience BPD exes w/ strong OCPD tendencies?

My ex used to claim I swallowed wrong (too loud), chewed wrong, kissed wrong (she said we had different kissing styles and that's why we weren't meant to be), hugged wrong, smelt of too much sweat, smelt too much of Right Guard when I tried to get rid of the sweat smell, didn't hold her hand with the right pressure, didn't caress her thighs and arms with the exact right pressure, hated when I told jokes once too often, told her I looked at her the wrong way... .  refused to order the same dish I got, refused to watch any movie or TV show if it was mid-way... .       

[Buzz77]

Anyone experience BPD exes w/ strong OCPD tendencies?

My ex used to claim I swallowed wrong (too loud), chewed wrong, kissed wrong (she said we had different kissing styles and that's why we weren't meant to be), hugged wrong, smelt of too much sweat, smelt too much of Right Guard when I tried to get rid of the sweat smell, didn't hold her hand with the right pressure, didn't caress her thighs and arms with the exact right pressure, hated when I told jokes once too often, told her I looked at her the wrong way... .  refused to order the same dish I got, refused to watch any movie or TV show if it was mid-way... .       

[Clearmind]

Buzz, I suspect you maybe confusing OCPD for controlling.

Do you not see these as controlling behaviors?

Definition

By Mayo Clinic staff

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). With obsessive-compulsive disorder, you may realize that your obsessions aren't reasonable, and you may try to ignore them or stop them. But that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts in an effort to ease your stressful feelings.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder often centers around themes, such as a fear of getting contaminated by germs. To ease your contamination fears, you may compulsively wash your hands until they're sore and chapped. Despite your efforts, thoughts of obsessive-compulsive behavior keep coming back. This leads to more ritualistic behavior — and a vicious cycle that's characteristic of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Symptoms

By Mayo Clinic staff

Obsessive-compulsive disorder symptoms include both obsessions and compulsions.

Obsession symptoms

OCD obsessions are repeated, persistent and unwanted ideas, thoughts, images or impulses that you have involuntarily and that seem to make no sense. These obsessions typically intrude when you're trying to think of or do other things.

Obsessions often have themes to them, such as:

Fear of contamination or dirt

Having things orderly and symmetrical

Aggressive or horrific impulses

Sexual images or thoughts

Obsession symptoms and signs may include:

Fear of being contaminated by shaking hands or by touching objects others have touched

Doubts that you've locked the door or turned off the stove

Thoughts that you've hurt someone in a traffic accident

Intense stress when objects aren't orderly or facing the right way

Images of hurting your child

Impulses to shout obscenities in inappropriate situations

Avoidance of situations that can trigger obsessions, such as shaking hands

Replaying pornographic images in your mind

Dermatitis because of frequent hand washing

Skin lesions because of picking at your skin

Hair loss or bald spots because of hair pulling

www.mayoclinic.com/health/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/DS00189

[Buzz77]

Interestingly, OCPD (a personality disorder) is different from OCD; see DSM criteria below

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, (DSM IV-TR = 301.4), a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines obsessive–compulsive personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster C) as:[11]A pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

        is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost

        shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)

        is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity)

        is overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)

        is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value

        is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things

        adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes

        shows rigidity and stubbornness

[Clearmind]

Labels are tempting. Was your ex diagnosed - do you not see her behaviour as controlling?

The DSM requires 4 or more of the above to be diagnosed.

[Buzz77]

No, my ex has never been in therapy; she tried going on Clonzepam and immediately freaked out on it (she ironically got more anxious about taking the drug).

Absolutely, so many of her behaviors were controlling... .  in the thick of the rltp., I enabled many of them, chewing slowly in her presence or trying to kiss her silently ("not a sound" she would demand)... .  she even described sex to me as being about "control."  The other day my friend told me I chew fine (funny how blinded I guess I got in the rltp.; again here I must look at myself)... .