What happens when the jig is up? When they are found out...

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello.  I haven't been here in a while, having gone NC with my uBPDs.  I chose to break NC when she had her baby (ugh... .  she procreated), knowing it wouldn't end well.  The baby is precious and while I feel sorry for the baby, I enjoyed having the baby around (more than I anticipated).

Well you all know the story-- didn't last more than 3 months.  BPDS and by Dsociopath with schizo tendencies BIL moved into FOO home recently and BPDs went right to work destroying every relationship she had.

She is so unbalanced right now, people have figured her out.  They know she is crazy and they see (and have experienced) her destructive nature and see she won't get help and then figure out that she won't get help because she doesn't know how crazy she is-- thus making her really truly crazy.  Some extended family have started to wonder if she is "dangerous", and she is losing friends fast.  People don't know what to do because she won't get help.

I have gone NC, have set rules on all her email accounts I know of, have changed my VM to YouMail so I can block her from leaving messages on iPhone, am calling AT&T tomorrow to see how to turn off my home voicemail, etc.

Has anyone been around at the point where everyone sees this for what it is-- she can't manipulate any more.  Curious if anyone has a story.

I hope this makes sense-- I'm trying to be a little vague.  Thanks.

[boatingwoman]

Hello.  I haven't been here in a while, having gone NC with my uBPDs.  I chose to break NC when she had her baby (ugh... .  she procreated), knowing it wouldn't end well.  The baby is precious and while I feel sorry for the baby, I enjoyed having the baby around (more than I anticipated).

Well you all know the story-- didn't last more than 3 months.  BPDS and by Dsociopath with schizo tendencies BIL moved into FOO home recently and BPDs went right to work destroying every relationship she had.

She is so unbalanced right now, people have figured her out.  They know she is crazy and they see (and have experienced) her destructive nature and see she won't get help and then figure out that she won't get help because she doesn't know how crazy she is-- thus making her really truly crazy.  Some extended family have started to wonder if she is "dangerous", and she is losing friends fast.  People don't know what to do because she won't get help.

I have gone NC, have set rules on all her email accounts I know of, have changed my VM to YouMail so I can block her from leaving messages on iPhone, am calling AT&T tomorrow to see how to turn off my home voicemail, etc.

Has anyone been around at the point where everyone sees this for what it is-- she can't manipulate any more.  Curious if anyone has a story.

I hope this makes sense-- I'm trying to be a little vague.  Thanks.

[boatingwoman]

Oh and the really interesting point is that family have realized that I'm not antagonizing her and that she is deliberately harassing me.  I didn't need their validation, but better late than never... .  

I credit NC for their realizations.  It clarified the situation for people when I removed myself from her life.

[ScarletOlive]

Hi boatingwoman,

It sounds like you've got some good boundaries set up. Are they helping you find peace? When you say rules on her email accounts, what does this mean?

In my life, my good friends see her for who she is. It helps not to let things phase me.

[boatingwoman]

For my email, I can go into preferences and then set a series of rules, like:

Rule 1:  if anyone emails me with XXX email, then (choices) send to junk mail.

Rule 2:  if anyone emails me from the name: XXX and YYY, then send to junk mail.

Rule 3:. If anyone sends an email from XXXX email, send to junk Email and reply:  (I put in text).

For Rule 3, I copied the text from a bounce I received because I misspelled the person's email, and it said "not a valid email address", so that will go to BPDS and hopefully she will believe I got rid of my email address.

I hope this makes sense, I'm rushing. 

It is basically steps to protect myself from her barrage of crazy abusive emails saying the devil got me... .  

Ain't nobody got time for that!

[Clearmind]

Yes, this week! My aunt is a low functioning BPD. She does not work and loves email.

Recently, my mother and I were both emailed with a tirade of abuse. My aunt in her wisdom thought she would cc my brother into the email. My brother felt that if he and I were going to receive the email then so should all the other cousins, my aunts kids included.

The dysfunction was exposed. Is this a good thing? Yes I believe so – the outcomes has been a set of firm boundaries that cousins and aunts/uncles are now exercising.

However, in the end – the best way to deal with drama is to not engage. The whole family now sees what happens when we engage.

[boatingwoman]

Wow, clearmind.  I had to read your post a few times to make sure we don't have the same pWBPD.  The situation is interestingly similar. 

[Clearmind]

no doubt it hurts when we receive this type of email. She stoops low and acts like a 3 year old - even claimed my mother gave my 95 yo grandmother a lesbian haircut. So we giggle a bit, exercise some empathy and move on. No point counter attacking.

It takes some work to balance out the emotions and its all so tempting to get trigger happy and respond. What this in fact does is help the person with BPD self soothe. If we leave it and don't respond they need to self soothe themselves.

After her 2 emails - all the cousins - not including me - responded with some very intelligent centering and calming responses - they posed over all solutions rather than single out my aunts email - she hasn't emailed again.