Do BPD's have problems giving gifts?

[Depression = 72% of members]

During the two years I was with my exBPD, I had bought her a gift on Christmas and every other holiday that warranted gifts such as Valentine's Day. I do know she never went out of her way for me, not once and everytime I asked for something it was an automatic NO. Anyways this past Christmas I went out and bought her some really nice gifts. When the day came to exchange, naturally she didn't have anything for me. Claimed that she was still looking and wanted it to be meaningful. This went on till Valentine's day. I paid 600 dollars for a romantic getaway. Before we left she told me I would be getting my Christmas gift during the trip. I was super excited! The kicker? What absolutely blew my mind was that it wasn't a gift at all. She dressed up in lingerie! Told me that was my gift! If I would have known better I would have thought that was my Valentine's Day gift! Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the evening very much so. Unless she bought the bustier and fishnet stockings just for me I feel she didn't even attempt to get me a gift. I don't have to tell you what I got for Valentine's Day! Anyways, this leads me to my question. Do BPD's have problems giving gifts? I know that they can be selfish but to act like they did something for me when they really didn't just upsets me! Any takers that have had similar experiences? This is all but one of many instances for me. Do they think they are pulling the wool over my eyes so to speak?

[EyeCareSoMUCH]

During the two years I was with my exBPD, I had bought her a gift on Christmas and every other holiday that warranted gifts such as Valentine's Day. I do know she never went out of her way for me, not once and everytime I asked for something it was an automatic NO. Anyways this past Christmas I went out and bought her some really nice gifts. When the day came to exchange, naturally she didn't have anything for me. Claimed that she was still looking and wanted it to be meaningful. This went on till Valentine's day. I paid 600 dollars for a romantic getaway. Before we left she told me I would be getting my Christmas gift during the trip. I was super excited! The kicker? What absolutely blew my mind was that it wasn't a gift at all. She dressed up in lingerie! Told me that was my gift! If I would have known better I would have thought that was my Valentine's Day gift! Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the evening very much so. Unless she bought the bustier and fishnet stockings just for me I feel she didn't even attempt to get me a gift. I don't have to tell you what I got for Valentine's Day! Anyways, this leads me to my question. Do BPD's have problems giving gifts? I know that they can be selfish but to act like they did something for me when they really didn't just upsets me! Any takers that have had similar experiences? This is all but one of many instances for me. Do they think they are pulling the wool over my eyes so to speak?

[recoil]

Even after the idealization phase, she gave wonderful and thoughtful gifts.  My experience there differs from yours.

[hithere]

Do BPD's have problems giving gifts?

What you write about just sounds like someone that is a really bad significant other.

My exBPD did give gifts, most of the time it seemed there was an ulterior motive (something in it for her).

[Blessed0329]

My ex also had difficulty giving gifts. He tended to regift things given to him. Not sure it is related to BPD, but if so, I would guess it would be having difficulty getting outside of themselves enough to consider someone else.

[seeking balance]

Take a look at article 2... .  where or how would you see this behavior fitting into the criteria?

[bb12]

I try to steer clear of generalisations nowadays, but I must admit the gift thing stands out for me too.

Never gave me anything in 2.5 years except a book the week before he disappeared. My birthday party was at a restaurant on a Sunday and I saw him arrive from a bookstore across the road. He bought me an unwrapped 50 page tiny paperback called Twitterature... .  about Twitter. I don't have a Twitter account. We never discussed it. Um, thanks?

Increasingly though, I bring a lot of Article 2 elements back to me... .  and why I settled for some of this behaviour. Why I didn't communicate about it. Accepted the selfishness and lack of give. We can do our own heads in trying to work out whether some of this behaviour is a BPD indicator. Instead, I look for Codpendency indicators in myself... .  something I can examine and change.

BB12

[raindancer]

My uBPDxh was not good with giving gifts - he hated holidays or special days period, except his birthday and father's day - go figure - and they usually included a 2 week binge party.

The few gifts he ever did give me included - telling me on my first birthday while we were together "you're nothing special, today's nothing special". 20 yrs later I still remember that clearly. We never once celebrated my birthday in the 16.5 yrs we were together.

Once, for Christmas, he gave me the jar full of his pocket change from his dresser. He threw it at me from across the room, in front of the kids and yelled "there you go B, now you've got every penny I have." Our Christmases were always hell, always a huge fight, always depressing.

No he wasn't good at gift-gifting. I'm not sure if it was related to BPD or if he was just a ... .  

In the end, it didn't matter, I gave myself the greatest gift of all - freedom from him and I rejoice in it every holiday and special day, including my birthday.

[findingmyselfagain]

Not sure if it's BPD or just as well someone who doesn't relate well. She gave gifts early and often. I thought she was very kind and giving, at first. Seems to be kind of typical of the Waif to reel you in. She pitched in for dinner, bought me clothes, and gave me a nice Valentine's gift. She spent $800 on my birthday gift, a portfolio of sexy pictures of herself (maybe a little narcissistic of her?). Once they find out you can't read their mind, you become evil though. She was triggered when I wouldn't disrobe immediately b/c I had a very, very stressful day at work and needed some rest. If she was tired, then it was fine though. Looking back I realize just how unhealthy and unbalanced the r/s was as a whole. If I gave her something, she'd always say something like "ulterior motives"... .  She seemed the Waify/Hermit type, and claimed to be extremely insecure, so I believe she suspected everyone's motives.

I wouldn't think gift-giving should be as troublesome as we experienced. I'd have to say it's an indicator of deep, core wounds. Next time I'll put 2 and 2 together way before 5, 6, or 7 gets dropped on my head!

[learningtowalkagain1]

My exBPD seemed to have gift-giving difficulties. One of the three birthdays we were together for I got a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream which we drank together. The only Christmas present in the three Christmases I got was a bottle of Baileys also. We drank it together. Usually Valentines Day I got take away dinner bought and one Valentine's Day he did a massage which naturally led to sex. Other gifts either things like fruit or other household items he'd been given himself. He paid for dinner a bit but usually when trying to reconnect with me and it always led to sex after. I think he only gave gifts with himself in mind.  :'(

[momtara]

During the courting stage he gave nice gifts - well, at least, small things based on what he knew I liked.  After that, he always had difficulty and had to ask what I wanted and then had all these reasons it was hard to get - although he'd usually do it.