BPDS an

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It's been a while since I've last posted. I deactivated my Facebook about a year ago during the break up and I recently reactivated it to look at wedding photos of my sister who lives in a Europe. When I first logged on I saw that my exBPD still had me tagged in over 100 photos of us ranging from first dates to holidays to birthdays to random kissing/cuddling photos. How can someone who has essentially split me black, blame me for the failure of the relationship, and has completely disappeared still have them up?. I've gone NC since the break up  but I just don't get it. I know her new boy toys have seen the photos, I know she's made me out to seem like the devil reincarnated. So why keep memories of me around? I truly hate that I cant and never will make sense of BPD behavior  . Any insight would greatly be appreciated.

[Deleted]

It's been a while since I've last posted. I deactivated my Facebook about a year ago during the break up and I recently reactivated it to look at wedding photos of my sister who lives in a Europe. When I first logged on I saw that my exBPD still had me tagged in over 100 photos of us ranging from first dates to holidays to birthdays to random kissing/cuddling photos. How can someone who has essentially split me black, blame me for the failure of the relationship, and has completely disappeared still have them up?. I've gone NC since the break up  but I just don't get it. I know her new boy toys have seen the photos, I know she's made me out to seem like the devil reincarnated. So why keep memories of me around? I truly hate that I cant and never will make sense of BPD behavior  . Any insight would greatly be appreciated.

[jrx]

Other people may have more insight into BPD behavior than I do. I would like to propose a theory (FWIW) about why your ex is tagging you: it may not be about you.

My exBPDgf could mirror what I needed and looked like she cared about me just enough so she could fulfill her needs. Even when she said she loved me, there was nothing about *me* that she loved. I was a placeholder for her needs and projections --- it could have been anyone who fit my characteristics.

Do I believe she loved deeply? Absolutely. Did she care about me as a person? I've thought about this long and hard, and the only answer I could come up with was not that much. But she could convince me she did, truly, deeply and like no other ever could. And that's what made me go back time and again.

I have stopped trying to read minds, especially a BPD's. But you may be on to something when you say her new beaus have seen the pictures. Maybe it's about her relationship with them. She may really like the feeling she gets when she looks at the pictures, in her own idealized way. I don't know. More importantly than what she's feeling anymore, how do you feel about yourself when you think about why she's kept your memories around?

[Deleted]

Jrandom, thanks for replying

I actually feel like a loser for dating her. I felt embarrassed that the photos are still up, being associated with a malicious mess like that. I know most people close to her know her for who she really is, the rest well,... . she feeds them enough information.  I have no idea why she keeps them. I don't entertain the thought that she loves me or despite her BPD and dark ways I showed her what love was LOL. Perhaps, when convenient for her she uses me to spark competition with her new boy toys in order to win her validation? I think its for HER own benefit. I have no idea I highly doubt she keeps them up there to look At when she realizes she has messed up. Anyways again for thanks for replying.

[jrx]

I actually feel like a loser for dating her. I felt embarrassed

I know how you feel. I've been told people who get involved with BPDs often have bigger hearts and bigger needs than are healthy for them. Others here have said doing activities you like and spending time away from your thoughts helps self-esteem tremendously. And fortunately, many people everywhere understand having a psycho ex. That has helped me. Best to you.