anyone else's exBPD withdraw sex and affection?

[lhd981]

Funny you should mention feeling like you "made the cut"! Mine said something identical, about how she doesn't just sleep around and has never had a one night stand! How special I felt, especially being a "larger" guy and she being very pretty and in great shape (loved going to the gym). Like you, I waited two months before we had sex - something which ended up making her very upset; she even accused me of being gay. We ended up having sex right after that fight. Romantic, huh?

But there was more to the story. She started dating and being sexually active at 18. She was going on 25 when we met. She told me many, many stories about her past boyfriends. It turned out that in less than 7 years, she sure did have a lot of boyfriends (all lasting between 1-3 months). And some of these guys were even larger than me.

When she became busy, our sex life didn't exist. Imagine my surprise when, after a three month busy period at work (with limited sex - which I was more than understanding of), I show up at her company party only to find her drunkenly flirting - and I mean FLIRTING - with a coworker. She later apologized. Her excuse? "Well, you hadn't touched me in three months... .   "

[EyeCareSoMUCH]

lhd981,

Isn't it all so funny? Very selective? "I just don't sleep around" What a total bunch of crap! I still feel to this day I was a rebound for her ex, which may I add she chased after when she was done idolizing me. She also told me that I was the best looking man she had ever been with, and trust me I know this to be true! Not saying I am the greatest looking thing walking around but still! You speak of flirting? One thing that absolutely ticked me off was when she would get random texts from guys asking for favors and such. The pic messages always really got to me. First of all why are all these guys sending you this crap? What gave them the impression that you were up for that kind of thing? Do you think I am that stupid? She would complain about receiving messages of that nature and I would tell her, why don't you tell them to knock it off or you will report them for harrassment. Her response? "I just ignore them" Give me a break! Somewhere along the line you instigated/slept with these guys. What stung the most was when I found out she had slept with a guy not too long before we had met. A one time thing according to her. I can't judge people and what they did in their past but when you tell me you don't sleep around and you are very selective with partners it really hurts! It is funny how their stories fall apart. You will probably also find that her timeline doesn't add up. My ex's never did! I could swear some of the things she told me about past boyfriends overlapped, as if she was dating two people at one time.

[lhd981]

Did we date the same person? Did you read my journal?

She'd often tell me, when her phone went off, "oh, that's just my ex so-and-so texting me bugging me to hang out." And she'd always ignore it. I wanted to say "hey, we've been dating for a few months now... .  maybe you could say something?", but I didn't want to come across as rude or controlling - neither of which I think I am. The funny thing is that he'd often be asking her to come over and smoke up with him, even though she claimed she was never really a pothead and had only done it "socially".

One time, she actually responded back to him and said that she told him that she was seeing somebody. She read back his response: "Oh, ok. Well, let me know if it doesn't work out. You're always fun to date!". Then she told me that while "they hadn't slept together in years", they'd still go out, drink and make out. Would you believe that only served to make me feel worse?

Or the time when she casually mentioned "Oh, never mind that guy who posted on my FB wall, we dated a while ago. I guess I'd probably go out on a date with him again if I were still single, but I probably wouldn't sleep with him again."

Despite her ardent OBSESSION with liars and lying - she constantly told me how she despised both - a lot of her history simply didn't reconcile. Her timeline just didn't make sense.

As for you being a rebound? Yeah, mine was in 2+ year emotional affair her former step-uncle (!), who was married and 17 years her senior; she told me he was at the concert where she and I met, but she insists it was all over before that point (as he wanted to work on his marriage). She actually got upset when she told me about him wanting to work on his marriage, though she assured me she no longer had feelings for him. Though when she told me about this emotional affair, she basically admitted to dating quite a few guys within those two years and how jealous he got.

And somehow this all seemed perfectly normal and reasonable at the time!

[EyeCareSoMUCH]

Haha! I was thinking the same thing as far as having dated the same person! The guy she had been in a relationship before me was 25 years her senior. She has a thing for older men, which may I add I was the youngest person she dated. They had a really messed up relationship. He was a habitual liar and they dated for 3 years. She eventually found out that every aspect of his life as she knew it was a lie. Told her his parents were dead, when they were alive, to driving under an expired license for 3 years. This only hits the tip of the iceberg. Anyways this coupled with her issues made for a match in HELL! They were constantly playing silly games throughout the time I was around her. She told me she wanted an honest man, who she didn't have ti "fix" That she was tired of attracting crazies. I was that man, which in return I found myself playing the hero. I wanted to be able treat her good like she had never been treated before. I got constant compliments! In the end he disappeared for awhile and this was when she decided to go back out with me and make it offical. The first time around she played the "were only friends" game. It was great for about 5 months until he showed back up. I got dumped and she is now chasing him around playing their sick games. Don't know how I will handle it if and when she shows back up!

[elusivebpd]

Male here. In the first several months, sex was great and frequent. My wife wanted me. She also loved touching, cuddling, we would lay together to watch movies etc.

Then overnight, it just stopped. I always felt like I was having sex with somebody who didn't really care. It felt empty. She no longer touched me. She has not touched me in a loving way in three years. Se became transactional. We didn't have sex for five months once.

I would ask or initiate and she would say she didn't feel like it. Then she would promise tomorrow. Tomorrow would come and she wouldn't do it and sometimes I would get upset, others I would deal with it and ignore it. Then the next day she would do it.

It was always the same pattern too. Regardless of who would initiate, she would immediately just role on her back. She expected me to give her oral sex or that's what she wanted. She would not really touch me either.

Ultimately I have started dealing with premature ejaculation for the past six months. I truly believe it's my body or mind relating to me that I am having sex with somebody who does not want me. We are separating soon.

[mrclear]

Welcome to the world of BPD... .  

I've pretty much stopped thinking about it, because it all makes sense to me now and I know it wasn't me, but the disorder acting out.

In the beginning: tons of mind-blowing sex. She couldn't get enough of it. Now I realize it was all motive to be valued and to hook me.

Then a slow detachment... .  Giving when she needed it, or when I was becoming distant through her volatile, emotional abuse. (fear of abandonment).

In the end: once every 2 months.

Withdrawl of sex had be come a punishment for working, saying the wrong or right thing... .  You name it.

She actually said to me once "When you're gone I want you, but when you're here I don't"   If that doesn't say it all... .  

Three weeks after our marriage of 15 years had broken up, she was in bed with the next guy and texting him about how great he was in bed... .  

That makes me smile now... .  Thank god I saved myself... .  

[stopltracr]

My wife started out the same way.  When we were dating it was at least once a day.  Once we got engaged it was once every couple months.  She blamed that on the stress from planning the marriage.  No sex on our wedding night and only once on our honeymoon.  I bet in 12 years of marriage we have had sex a dozen times.  Even when we were trying to have kids she would only have sex the day she was ovulating.  We haven't had sex or even kissed in over two and a half years now.  It was always something I was doing wrong that made it so she couldn't be in the mood.  She says she could go without sex for the rest of her life and all women are that way.  I finally realized a few months into this latest dry spell that it is all about control and domination for her.  I haven't tried to initiate anything for over two years.  Even now when we fight she talks about what I need to do for her to be in the mood and I tell her I don't want to have sex with her I just want her to be nice. 

[GreenMango]

Ya know as I read these posts I can't help but think it shouldn't be that hard.  It could so much easier.  A truly fulfilling relationship is out there waiting for you with someone else that problems like these are resolved. 

Here's to a healthier relationship in all aspects.

[VeryFree]

Yes GreenMango. You're totally right.

This thread again raises the question: who has the real problem, the BPD, or the NON, knowing that the last one keeps on dreaming of a good and healthy r/s, while he is broken down bit by bit on almost every part of his life?

[apple]

She actually said to me once "When you're gone I want you, but when you're here I don't"   If that doesn't say it all... .  

I can relate to that too.  My exw would beg me to not go to work and take the night off and then she wouldnt spend any time with me when I did or call me while at work saying how much she missed me and when I got home there was no affection.

[GreenMango]

Yes GreenMango. You're totally right.

This thread again raises the question: who has the real problem, the BPD, or the NON, knowing that the last one keeps on dreaming of a good and healthy r/s, while he is broken down bit by bit on almost every part of his life?

I try to look at it is its more a problem in general.  And for me I need a relationship that has healthier stuff going on. 

I try to remove the blame part because it just drives me batty circling around those questions.  Looking at what I can improve and what my limits feel a little more constructive.

[Lady31]

The sex issue was soo damaging for me.  My H can be very good in bed... .  when he wants to be.  When I first dated him, it was amazing.  After we got engaged, it became only once every 1 1/2 to 3 weeks depending.  (He was 36 and blamed it on some depression he was dealing with - and I loved him and was understanding so didn't make it an issue. ?)  After we got married - the first year it was went from once every 2 weeks or so to once a month.  Then to once every 2 months.  The last two years of our marriage (we recently separated, have been married just over 4 years) have been especially bad.  We went on one stint that lasted 10 months, and the one we are on now has been almost 8! I would say we have probably had sex 5 times in the last 2 years!

Of course, I have no plans on sleeping with him ever again as I have moved out and filed for divorce.

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I know (logically) it can't be that he isn't attracted to me as I am very fit and get a lot of attention from men.  Sad thing is - I don't FEEL attractive anymore after all this. 

I think for my H it has to be more than just BPD.  I think he has some sort of sexual problem and have even considered that he is a closet homosexual.  NOW - this is really weird because I would guess that he has been with somewhere between 100 and 200 women.  I don't know what to think honestly.  There is just something really off. 

It seems that he has used the sex as a means of control at times - that's for sure.  However, even with that, I don't see how a man who is otherwise healthy with an attractive spouse who WANTS them and INITIATED it constantly (up until the end when the rejection became too much) would go that long without needing it himself.

I think it is possible mine only got off/turned on with very shallow, twisted, non-emotionally intimate experiences.  Like it had to be some new chic he met at a bar and had no relationship with and it would be hot for the first few months and then he would be on to the next one. (I did not meet him in a bar - just to clarify - but he def. picked up a lot of bar trash I later found out.) He would even say creepy things in bed.  I remember earlier on when we first started sleeping together he would stare at me and tell me to "smile" in a weird voice.  ?

I have come to the conclusion that my H is more NPD than BPD.  And of course he would ALWAYS blame me for why we weren't having sex.

Regarding the affection, that was nonexistent for the most part too.  There were many times he would ROLL HIS EYES when I went to go cuddle up with him, hug him, etc. A lot of times he would stand there like a tree with his arms at his sides when I went to hug him.  He would cringe or jerk away a lot when I would touch him.

He was just very SICK. 

[Rocknut]

It's nice to know this didn't happen to just me.

Right around the time my partner split me, he absolutely stopped wanting to touch me. I remember leaning in to kiss him and he actually turned his head. This is common... .

[marbleloser]

"Sad thing is - I don't FEEL attractive anymore after all this. "

I went through the same Lady31.Enter exBPDgf,stage left. She helped me feel like a man again.Lots of attention!

The problem with that was that I was relying on someone else to feel my own self worth.

Withholding sex and using it to control is a cruel thing for someone to do.

[leftbehind]

I think for my H it has to be more than just BPD.  I think he has some sort of sexual problem and have even considered that he is a closet homosexual.

Lady31 - the first time I met my ex I couldn't tell if he was gay or straight.  Weirdly, he sends out both vibes.  Then my good friend who is a gay woman said post breakup that she always got a bisexual vibe from my ex.  While my ex and I were together a bisexual man ended up hitting on him.  I know sex was also a bone of contention somewhat in his last two relationships before me, so there might be some connection, I'm not sure.  I read that one of the signs of BPD could be switching sexual preferences - like they switch everything else for the new person (politics, religion, diet).  Not sure, but it does cross my mind.

Right around the time my partner split me, he absolutely stopped wanting to touch me. I remember leaning in to kiss him and he actually turned his head. This is common.

Same thing happened to me.  This forum is a lifesaver. Thanks Rocknut.  I thought I was losing my mind.

[Rocknut]

we have all lost our mind leftbehind. Finding it is the journey.

[VeryFree]

It's nice to know this didn't happen to just me.

Right around the time my partner split me, he absolutely stopped wanting to touch me. I remember leaning in to kiss him and he actually turned his head. This is common... .

Two times in two different difficult times between us, I tried to comfort her when she was upset by friendly putting my hand on her arm (1) and my hand on her shoulder (2). Both times I got hit. Hard.

[nolisan]

Interesting topic! I heard some conflicting things even before we started dating.

1. Her ex hubi had complained that she was a prude (turned out far from the truth)

2. She was a pagan witch - her spirituality was "all about sex"

3. Another time she said she could go for long periods with sex (asexual)

4. Complained that when she was prescribed anti depressants it interfered with her libido so she had to quit them.

I should have known something was "off kilter" but I fell in love with her - the sex part was really good until I got an email out of the blue "I do not want to deepen my intimacy with you - I will no longer carry on as we have been" Ouch.

So no sex for about 3 months - then she moves in with me for a week (she was losing her house). Tells me I am the best lover in the world and is feeling sexual again. Wants to make love the next night. That night we are watching a movie and she storms out - comes back the next day and moves all her thing out.

That was basically it. I am glad we didn't make love that last week - the sudden separation would have been even more brutal than it was.

[itd1959]

I went the last two years without sex. In the first year I asked why it had stopped, she told me I didn't go to bed with her when she went to bed. Well, I made sure I was in bed every night for the next year before she even got into bed and still no sex. It only got worse, I went to bed one night and found we now had separate blankets. She would move as far to the other side of the bed as possible. Sex is one of the weapons used to confuse and confound because the sex was so good when it happened.

[GreenMango]

Intimacy, or difficulties and fears with intimacy, are a hallmark of the disorder.

These push pull cycles are a defense mechanism.  It's a way to alleviate those stressors.

Maybe its not so much a weapon?  It does hurt romantic relationships and can hurt partners though.

[VeryFree]

I second GreenMango.

The intimacy in my r/s wasn't too good, but I never felt my stbx used it as a kind of weapon.

[Buzz77]

Like many of you, things were exciting at the beginning of the rltp. Nonetheless, there were red flags... . my ex described herself as being "extremely sexual" during the first week of our rltp., that this was an important part of who she is and that sex in a rltp. is all about "who controls who" (talk about being on the nose, huh?).  She also mentioned getting "weird" after having sex w/ certain people. All of this right off the bat intimidated me. While we were sexual for the first weeks of the rltp., I told her I wanted to wait a bit to have "sex," since I need to be comfortable and trusting with my partners; basically I want emotional warmth w/ them (not a 1 night stand type of guy). This angered her, causing temper tantrums and silent treatment episodes throughout the night whenever we were being sexual and she demanded sex and I had told her I needed a bit of time to get comfortable and intimate w/ her. When we started having sex, it was at first fun, but quickly she was extremely controlling about everything (She was also controlling w/ all spheres of the rltp.); there were many "rules" that made it a tense affair, where I was always wondering what physical move I would make (even small ones) would cause a temper tantrum, silent treatment (she would lock herself in my bathroom mid-sexual encounter, leaving me feeling awful about myself); and she would even pose ultimatums that if sex didn't go a certain way (I always had to be primed whenever she wanted), the rltp. was over. Sex became a very tense thing w/ my ex; while I desired her physically, the act itself was fraught w/ pressure, anxiety, and uncertainty. In the end, we dwindled having sex and I enabled her to implement the following rules:

- I was banned from kissing her; she could only kiss me.

- a majority of nights we spooned naked and she would place my hands firmly on her breasts as she slept for hours, but would recoil and push away if I showed the slightest sign of an erection (this I can't believe I put up w/)... .

- when we were sexual, if at any moment my erection waned she would stop and lock herself in my bathroom, w/ real anger, yelling at me.

- constantly gave me speeches about how we lacked a "a primitive thing connection." Would get mad at me if I suggested that the problem was stress and anxiety caused by the rltp. dynamic of emotional reactivity and control and lack of communication.

- totally shut down and got angry, when I mentioned various things I thought would make sex playful (if one is comfortable w/ them of course)... . dirty talk, sex toys, fantasy role play, phone sex, sex w/ some clothes on (she didn't believe in that) being sexual just to be sensual (she always demanded that we always both orgasm at the same time!), general experimentation.           

- got very self-conscious when I would perform oral on her.

- usually I would have to hold her for hours each night (would get little sleep); even if I was uncomfortable, w/ no promise of physical activity to follow... .

- said our rltp. was doomed only because we had "different kissing styles"

[nolisan]

Buzz - yikes ... . and I though my trip was rough. I feel for ya. You are definitely better off out of that situation. Sending healing your way.

I'm 10 months no contact and finally got to a "Keep It Simple" moment: "What a jerk she was and I was foolish to stay". I don't spend time now trying to figure out what made her tick. I have spent time looking at why I got and stayed in the r/s. That is where I can grow and move on.

[rollercoaster24]

Hi all

I first met my partner in early 2010, we were friends for a month or so first, and I felt confused even then, as to his insisting he wasn't looking for a relationship, only friendship when he seemed to want to hang out with me and enmesh himself in my life so much.

After hanging out with him often over a month, I found myself becoming attracted to him and falling in love with him slowly. There were red flags, but I couldn't help how I felt. In the end, I put it out there to him, that I was becoming attracted to him, and wondered how he felt about that. He rejected me, and so I said that I felt it best if we didn't see so much of each other, as I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship.

As soon as I told him I was going to pull back, he then said that he infact had more than feelings of friendship for me, when I asked him if he wanted more than friendship, he said he wasn't in to casual stuff, and preferred relationships instead.

So I asked if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, and he then tried to put me off him? Weird?

I said I really liked him, was falling for him, and why didn't he give it a shot? So he said Yes, he would really like to be my partner instead. He then insisted that we get STD tests before sleeping together, which I was very impressed by, (but also a little hurt too).

In the meantime, we started fooling around a little, and sleeping in my bed, (instead of him crashing on my sofa like he had been). He went all out to impress me sexually, I had to tell him to 'stop' too much pleasure.

So at the beginning, we were doing it several times per day, for the first two years, but I noticed that his over attention to my needs faded as he became more and more disenchanted with me, or angry and abusive to me.

If I was exhausted, or upset, he would instantly become nasty and distant, although I always had to be understanding if he didn't want to do anything. If I tried to initiate, it had to always be on his terms, so I stopped trying, as it always had to be when he wanted to.

I was compared to his previous serious partner, (from 10 years before that he hadn't gotten over yet). I was told she had a better body than me, was taller, blonde, and wilder in bed, like him. He said I wasn't wild enough for him, (yet he kept saying he was this real prude so that didn't make sense with who he said he was).

He often said that he only said that to hurt me, because I had hurt him first!

Over the last 15 months, that we have been long distance, his interest in sex and affection waned down to almost nothing by the last 3 months. It was often common after we made love, for him to turn on me yet again, (I likened intimacy with him to being with a scorpion or black widow spider, after they are intimate, they either sting you or eat you alive). This was always present from the very start, this nasty pushing me away, very heartbreaking and soul destroying.

He has lied to me about what he really gets up to when not with me, my instincts have always been strong, and all the signs have been there as well, not to mention the things he does and says at times.

He of course paints himself out to look like the victim if I have caught him out in any way, or I have insecurities or concerns, but if he had any about me, he would always go straight into attack/accuse mode.

So we have not made love now, since early June, and even then it was an effort for him to be affectionate at all, the push away has always been strong, despite him saying he needs to be with me, misses me so much and all the rest of the baloney.

It felt like 3.5 years of perceived revenge, (on his behalf to me) actually. His twisted thinking seems to give him justification to do and say the nastiest things, and I really cannot handle it anymore, such has been the level of emotional, verbal and physical violence. I also believe he has a serious substance abuse problem, and I strongly believe it is meth, because he doesn't eat much, doesn't sleep much, and is almost permanently aggressive, which cycles in and out every 3-4 days at a time. Usually he gets paid his unemployment money early hours of Tuesday mornings, he loses $60 immediately, (short term cash loans revolving payments) and is left with $170. By Thursday, he often has only $20 left, and I am supposed to believe it is spent on petrol, coffee and smokes in two days.

Hmmmm

So now, even though I am heartbroken, hurting, and know I likely will never meet someone I feel like this about ever again, I have to let him go, he is dangerous, unpredictable, and extremely toxic to be close to. So I need to accept this for myself and grieve him properly and go NC myself and stick to it for ever.

I highly doubt he will ever show up at my door and admit to needing help again, and be serious about seeking it, and if he did, it could all be a front, (and a fob off again).

[mcc503764]

Reading this brings up soo many bad memories... .

The control, the emotional abuse left me with many deep scars!  I cant tell you the # of excuses I would get.  I cant tell you how long we went without and then miraculously the minute she moved out, she's already f$%king the neighbor!  (no, seriously... . )

This is the part that we are left with.  The pieces that we are left with.  No reason, no logic... . Our r/s was nothing close to "puppies and kittens," but in my mind, marriage is about growing closer, not growing apart?  Am I wrong to think this way?

So back to the topic, this definitely left me with the feelings of "what's wrong with me?"  As you all know, that plays HELL on your mind!

The jealousy, the games, the push/pull... . all I can do is shake my head and wonder WHY did I let another person treat me like this?

I allowed her to recycle me numerous times after the initial split, and even looking back on that, I can conclude she knew what she was doing.  People say that it's the BPD, but I beg to differ on this one... . She knew what she held from me in the r/s, so when allowing her to recycle me, she wouldn't withhold.  That would hook me, then once she had me hooked, she would slowly pull away... .

This was a malicious game that she played with me, with my mind, and with my emotions... . this is why that r/s was like no other that I have ever had.  That is the damaging part, the part that stays with us for a very long time!

But, I see it for what it is.  I have connected the dots in the way that makes sense to me.  That's how I have experienced it.  She has left alot of pain in her path.  I cannot change that as all I can do is learn and grow from the pain.

MCC

[Moonie75]

MCC, well put.

I'm avin that!

[Mr gaga]

My ex was very mean when it came to sex in the months leading up to the horrible break up. When I tried to initiate it or just plain say lets have some fun she would look at me and say is sex all you want from me and it made me feel really bad so I didn't ask her about sex anymore even though I wanted it so badly. Sigh

[Mr gaga]

Reading this brings up soo many bad memories... .

The control, the emotional abuse left me with many deep scars!  I cant tell you the # of excuses I would get.  I cant tell you how long we went without and then miraculously the minute she moved out, she's already f$%king the neighbor!  (no, seriously... . )

This is the part that we are left with.  The pieces that we are left with.  No reason, no logic... . Our r/s was nothing close to "puppies and kittens," but in my mind, marriage is about growing closer, not growing apart?  Am I wrong to think this way?

So back to the topic, this definitely left me with the feelings of "what's wrong with me?"  As you all know, that plays HELL on your mind!

The jealousy, the games, the push/pull... . all I can do is shake my head and wonder WHY did I let another person treat me like this?

I allowed her to recycle me numerous times after the initial split, and even looking back on that, I can conclude she knew what she was doing.  People say that it's the BPD, but I beg to differ on this one... . She knew what she held from me in the r/s, so when allowing her to recycle me, she wouldn't withhold.  That would hook me, then once she had me hooked, she would slowly pull away... .

This was a malicious game that she played with me, with my mind, and with my emotions... . this is why that r/s was like no other that I have ever had.  That is the damaging part, the part that stays with us for a very long time!

But, I see it for what it is.  I have connected the dots in the way that makes sense to me.  That's how I have experienced it.  She has left alot of pain in her path.  I cannot change that as all I can do is learn and grow from the pain.

MCC

Dang its like you were describing my experience!

[Perfidy]

Sex was part of the hook. I'd say the entire hook really. Then used as a manipulative tool. A pacification device and means to an end. In the end we were still having sex but not sleeping together. I sensed very little on the spiritual plane with this girl. She seemed unable to connect emotionally although her feelings were always overstated. "love you babe". "Love you too sugar" "How much do you love me?" " I love you more than anyone else, that's why I'm with you" " I love you infinity times infinity to the power of infinity" "I love you more than that" poor girl!

[saw_tooth]

Phase 1=The honeymoon

-He couldn't get enough,initiated each session of me BUT each 'intense' session of intimacy was followed by a 'don't get too close to me,you will get hurt warning'.If I pulled away,he would resent it.

Phase 2=Focus on self

-He wanted to know if I found him desirable enough and would say 'I'd do anything to make you happy'.Wanted to eat viagra as well which I forbid:).When we did sleep together,the focus seemed to be on 'my needs' but my satisfaction was merely meant to boos his flagging narcissistic ego.Used to say stuff like 'I will be going abroad forever(to limit the closeness)' and 'Will you leave me' after each intimacy session and these two things were said within seconds of each other.

Phase 3=The last intimacy session and what followed

-We came super close both emotionally and physically, his abandonment fears got triggered and he shut down for 3 months.

His words on the  supposed 'closure convo'

-I never felt anything for you.

-I never wanted to come close.

-Don't ever touch me,don't even hold my hand.It is wrong for me since I am no longer a kid.No touch at all.

Some projections from the 'closure convo'

-(After I said intimacy was not all I wanted,hope you know that)How could you say such a thing?I am feeling so bad you said this.You seriously said this?

-Will you stop  making me feel guilty for what happened(ref to intimacy here)?(I had not mentioned guilt)