djesquire
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Posts: 31
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« on: May 13, 2013, 11:59:57 AM » |
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Haven't posted in a while. Married to UBPDH for 14 years and have an 11 year old dau who has ADHD. I have ADHD, Depression and Anxiety and am treated for the latter two. I am not a neat person at all and am not a hard worker like my husband. He is constantly on my case about the house and other things as well. Dau has picked up his habits and questions a lot of what I do. He is going thru a long training period at work and will have a new position only if he passes a series of very difficult, technical tests. He is stressed about that.
Saturday he took my daughter shopping for Mother's Day and said he was going to take care of breakfast on Sunday also. We go to church and lunch every Sunday.
When I got up Sunday, I could tell that he was grumpy. We usually go to a ten o'clock Church service but it was getting late so it was assumed we would go later. He gave me coffee and asked me to wake daughter up. He took her in another room to sign cards and wrap gifts and she came out crying, saying he told her she didn't know how to do anything right. When he is in a mood, he explodes easily so we walk on eggshells. At the table, he asked her if she had told me "anything" (meaning Happy Mother's Day) and she didn't really say anything and I said, well, you were giving her such a hard time about everything. He said- "great, its two against one. I tried to hold it together, etc." He started complaining about how the kitchen had not been clean when he started breakfast. He left the table and went into the bedroom. I thought he was taking a shower but in a few minutes he came out with laundry and started washing it, saying he was going to do his own laundry from now on. I went outside for a few minutes. When I came back in, he was yelling at dau about how she was old enough to do more, etc and that he was upset with her. She went upstairs to her room and I got dressed in a dirty shirt and jeans and told her to get ready for church; we could just make the 10:00 service. We left for church with him complaining that nobody asked him. He gets so explosive that I knew what was coming so I left. We decided to wait and go to a service that started later so we sat in a McDonald's parking lot for over an hour and then went to church. Before we went, I called him and asked how he was. He said, "well, this is just like my other marriages, I just carried all the burden and did all the work. You have a nice day." He hung up. After church I called again and he did not answer so we went home and I called his cell phone- for that moment I was in a forgiving mood and said, " I know you must really be hurting or you wouldn't act that way. I love you and I hoped to spend some time together but if not, that's ok." He said he would be home later. He had gone to work to study, which he had planned to do after lunch. Daughter did not want to go out to lunch so I had a pimento cheese sandwich that I made for myself for Mother's day lunch. The gifts have been sitting out unopened since that morning.
About 3:30 we went out for dessert and H had called while we were gone. Dau and I went outside to sit in the sun when we got back. During the time we were together, Dau talked about how bad HER life was, how dad had been meaner to her that day than to me, and asked me to take her shopping! He came home and d/n come out for a while. He then asked me if I had opened my gifts and I said, no, we usually do it together but you didn't seem interested. He said that I was the one who left. I started crying and him and dau went inside. I felt so horrible. Later I went in and finally calmed down and got my gifts and we went out to dinner. After dau when to bed he said he was sorry I had a bad day and he said he tried. I went to the bathroom and cried and I came out and he started to explain himself- "when I got up and went to the kitchen... . " I cut him off and said that when we went to bed last night he knew I was not a good housekeeper and that I was not as hard of a worker as he. I said "You couldn't hold it together for ONE day- just ONE day so I guess I'm not worth it (though I know I am) so don't talk to me." He left the room. This may not sound that bad- he didn't have a screaming fit like he does sometimes. I just felt so horribly hurt and that I have no support. Just talked to my co-worker about this, otherwise Haven't talked to anyone about this. I feel really hurt and sad.
Other issues I am dealing with: daughter's adhd- academic and relationship problems, my brother just got diagnosed with bi-polar, 81 year old Mother is a hoarder. I'm about to turn 50 and not thrilled about that, either!
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