How do you make the attraction go away?

[justnothing]

I don't mean so much romantic relationship type of attraction but rather attraction in general (friendship, etc' towards toxic people?

And, for that matter, when forced to deal with such a person anyway, how can you tell whether or not you're using sound judgment with them or just resorting back to the same old savior complex pattern (especially when you have a bad history of it) ?

The thing is there's this lady I know (extremely disordered by her own admittance and extremely manipulative according to other people we both know) and recently she's been treated in a way I felt was unfair… I belong to the group that treated her that way. Before it happened I had something of a say and I tried to soften the blow as much as I could… or at least that's what I'm telling myself now… but in retrospect, especially after seeing how hurt she was, I'm now kicking myself for not doing more. Nobody else seems to see things my way though and I'm now wondering if this isn't just plain old savior complex on my part… how can you tell? And, if that is the case, how do you make it go away?

[fromheeltoheal]

My experience is when I'm centered and grounded and considering my values, the 'right' thing is easy to identify.  And then when i get involved with a person or group and the relationship dynamics take over, I can get out of touch with my values and get uncentered and ungrounded; of course when I hang with the right people that doesn't happen as much.

I knew all that, but it has become doubly important to remember and focus on since my time in BPD hell, since I don't think my feet were on the ground for the entire relationship.  So to me there's always a 'right' thing to do, usually only one, when I'm coming from that centered, grounded place.

[Maryiscontrary]

Pay very close attention to your gut. For toxic attraction, you may feel adrenaline rush + a sick or constricted feeling in you body, like your gut, chest tightness, or neck tension, etc.

Note these two components. Rush+sick feeling

[fromheeltoheal]

Note these two components. Rush+sick feeling

Exactly Mary, like a drug, an obsession.  I thought it was the buzz of a new romance that would blossom into mature love.  I was wrong.

[justnothing]

Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately my gut tells me that it's both about toxic attraction and at the same time that an injustice really has been done… so idk what to do…

[Phoenix.Rising]

If you felt you wronged her, then offer her an amends.  This is more for you than for her in some ways, for your peace of mind.  If she doesn't accept it, that is her choice.  It is about keeping your side of the street clean. 

If you don't feel you hurt her, then her peace of mind is not your responsibility.  See the difference?