little rant

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's almost been a week since we split, and my now ex-undiagnosed BPD seems to not want to wrap his head around my request for limited contact.  He has told me that I have issues if I can't see him in public and that I need to go to my therapist.

He then relented and said he would do it, but he's not willing to support my "issue" of not seeing him in public forever so I need to work on it.

And then he texted me yesterday and said he HAD to come by the house in 5 minutes to pick up something, then proceeded to run a sports-class for kids, at the church, right outside the window where I was meeting with my weekly book club.  The only weekly meeting that I have at the church.  It's so frustrating.  I'm not going to even bother saying anything to him, because I get the sense he wants me to say something, so he can remind me I'm broken, and see that I care enough to be upset.  And he would NEVER NEVER admit that he might have planned that out on purpose, nor would he EVER truly apologize for violating my request to limit contact by just showing up at the house with 5 minutes warning.  Because in his mind, I am the one with the problem. 

btw - when I asked for limited contact, I said that we could plan out as much time as he needed to come by the house and get what he needs, I just didn't want to be here while he grabbed all his stuff.  He said no, he didn't need that. 

He is soo passive-aggressive.  I'm trying to focus on me, and this is partly why I don't want to see him.  In some way, he reminds me that he believes he's fine, and I have issues.  It's crazy making.

[Healing4Ever]

It's almost been a week since we split, and my now ex-undiagnosed BPD seems to not want to wrap his head around my request for limited contact.  He has told me that I have issues if I can't see him in public and that I need to go to my therapist.

He then relented and said he would do it, but he's not willing to support my "issue" of not seeing him in public forever so I need to work on it.

And then he texted me yesterday and said he HAD to come by the house in 5 minutes to pick up something, then proceeded to run a sports-class for kids, at the church, right outside the window where I was meeting with my weekly book club.  The only weekly meeting that I have at the church.  It's so frustrating.  I'm not going to even bother saying anything to him, because I get the sense he wants me to say something, so he can remind me I'm broken, and see that I care enough to be upset.  And he would NEVER NEVER admit that he might have planned that out on purpose, nor would he EVER truly apologize for violating my request to limit contact by just showing up at the house with 5 minutes warning.  Because in his mind, I am the one with the problem. 

btw - when I asked for limited contact, I said that we could plan out as much time as he needed to come by the house and get what he needs, I just didn't want to be here while he grabbed all his stuff.  He said no, he didn't need that. 

He is soo passive-aggressive.  I'm trying to focus on me, and this is partly why I don't want to see him.  In some way, he reminds me that he believes he's fine, and I have issues.  It's crazy making.

[nolisan]

We can only fix ourselves.The less I ruminate on her stuff the better. It is harder and more painful to look at my stuff but more fruitful.

[GreenMango]

Ya know its okay to say that the spontaneous appointments don't work.  Be reasonable but its okay to put your own schedule first.

If he shows up unexpected consider leaving (for yourself).

[Healing4Ever]

Thanks for replying.  I'm feeling a bit better.  I do find that I get unseated from focusing on my own issues when he shows up.  And to clarify - the limited contact I asked for was to not plan to be at the same functions at the same time, as we have overlapping friends/sport commitments, and I am pretty overwhelmed with trying to keep my life as settled as possible because I have a huge registration exam coming up in a few weeks. He is the one who translated that to not being able to see him in public - and I don't care if we happen to run into each other in public.  So, when he planned his first ever kids-sports class at the same time/place as my book club, it was frustrating for me, as there are many, many sports fields in the city.

I feel myself rambling.  Thanks if you're still following this mini-rant. I think I'm now sitting on the edge of crazy.   

H4E