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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Ex Birthday Tomorrow  (Read 721 times)
neesieden

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« on: May 17, 2013, 03:21:16 PM »

So today my head had pretty much filled thinking about my ex, even tears today too, it's her birthday tomorrow! It will be the first time in 4 years that I won't be sending her birthday wishes, it sucks!

I've thought about last years birthday and the look on her face when she opened her invite for tickets to see her favourite band and who she had never seen before, it was magical.

I even thought I saw her today, someone looked like her, or was I just imagining that she did.

It's not that I don't want to wish her a happy birthday, boy it's going to be hard not doing it I'm sure.  I've been NC for just over a month even though she has text me a few times... .  

Please help me be strong!
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Bananas
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« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2013, 05:27:11 PM »

I ahve been having the same feelings. 

My exes birthday is Sunday.  Even though I have been feeling stong lately due to this board and T I have to admit I was feeling tempted to wish him a happy birthday.  I got him the perfect birthday card months ago before we broke up and I thought of sending it, or at the very least sending him a happy birthday text or email.

Last night I was reading a post on this board

"The man I fell in love with was only my PERCEPTION of him."

And yesterday, my therapist reminded me that the relationship I was mourning was an illusion.  It was not reality.

And then I thought, this overwhelming desire I feel to send him a birthday card/text is sort of like me having an overwhelming desire to send a birthday card to the man in the moon.   

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Vindi
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« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2013, 10:06:05 AM »

hi, this will be difficult, keep NC and stay strong... .  it may be the hardest thing you do, but if you want results with NC, you have to stick with it.

I think we all think of the "good" times... .  etc... .  and put the bad times in the back of our mind.

You can do this, you can be strong, believe!

keep us posted and keep posting your thoughts, it all helps
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leftbehind
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« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2013, 11:01:07 AM »

Excerpt
And then I thought, this overwhelming desire I feel to send him a birthday card/text is sort of like me having an overwhelming desire to send a birthday card to the man in the moon.   

My ex's birthday is coming up soon too, and I'm also struggling. 

Bananas, your quote is perfect - thank you.
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neesieden

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« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2013, 04:00:38 PM »

The day is nearly over, what a day, tried to keep busy and pretty much did, but she was in my thoughts nearly all day! Wonder what she's doing, where she is, who she is with, if she's wondering why I haven't text her a happy birthday, good ole reliable me!

Or if she even cares! 

Too much thinking.com
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Bananas
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« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2013, 12:33:43 AM »

I was thinking about you today neesieden and I hope you stayed strong.  I am dreading tomorrow!
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neesieden

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« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2013, 12:55:20 AM »

Bananas it wasn't easy I'm not going to lie... .    I'm sending you my strength and thoughts to get through the day! 

I do feel like I've made a huge step forward with staying NC on her Birthday!

I also am sad that it has to be that way, as its not in my nature to ignore what day it was.

I believe I went through every emotion yesterday, but it shows I have come far in my recovery as I found the strength not to fail.

You can do it bananas... .  

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Bananas
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« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2013, 11:25:10 AM »

Bananas it wasn't easy I'm not going to lie... .    I'm sending you my strength and thoughts to get through the day! 

I do feel like I've made a huge step forward with staying NC on her Birthday!

I also am sad that it has to be that way, as its not in my nature to ignore what day it was.

I believe I went through every emotion yesterday, but it shows I have come far in my recovery as I found the strength not to fail.

You can do it bananas... .  

I am with you, I do feel sad too as it is also not in my nature to ignore.   Thank You for your words of encouragement, I will reread your post whenever I feel weak today!   
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