Difficult people

[XL]

I am having a rage attack right now. There's this other person who stays at our house occasionally as a guest who is very unstable. Pushes people's buttons just to get a rise out of you, doesn't follow common courtesy, argues the logic of house rules etc. As a guest. What the hell.

My fixer-family lets this person walk all over our house. For the 25th time since I've known this person, they failed to do a small chore that is a very easy, very standard condition of their continuing stay here. At this point I view it as a direct insult.

Having other people with other personality disorders (Passive aggressive PD? maybe?) near me is INFURIATING. 

[XL]

I am enraged because our BPD family raised a whole bunch of fixers and enablers who let EVERYONE walk all over them. I have no leverage to throw this person out, because the fixer keeps promising they'll "talk to them". Um, no.

They don't want to talk. They're poking the buttons of everyone around them looking for conflict or parenting, and I am not at a point in my life where I feel like parenting friends.

[Phoenix.Rising]

That sounds difficult and exhausting.  What do you have control over?  Not this person, but you do have some control over your actions. 

Here are some suggestions (if you are open to them):  deep breathing, getting some space by physically leaving the situation for a while, coming up with boundaries that will help You with this person.  Hang in there!

[XL]

Let's say the scenario is that this person often visits as a houseguest for a few days at a time, and the only condition of their lodging is that they not smoke indoors. And they continue to smoke indoors. It's a similar rule, with a similar level of importance.

I'm furious because I don't want anymore screaming conflict with people. I don't want drama triangles. I used SET skills, I ask nicely, leave notes, etc., and people like this just keep pushing my buttons to get a reaction. By the 25th time it's not "forgetful" or "tipsy" or whatever. It's purposeful passive aggression.

I am furious that fixer family LETS THEM. Why is a person this rude still invited back into our home? Family puts up with garbage from other jerks because it's not as bad as the garbage our mother used to cause. They're all doormats who won't stand up for me.

The person left, but now I'm at a 9/10 in anger. All day.

[Maryiscontrary]

Sounds like a violation of your core values. I would be pissed as hell too. Gotta figure out what sht you will and will NOT take from now on from others.

Godspeed.

[Phoenix.Rising]

I must say that your scenario would piss me off, too, as this person doesn't seem to have any respect.  How can you protect yourself?

[simplesimon]

HI XL,

Wow let me just say that for me I would toss them out on their ear and tell them to go find a hotel!

That sucks!  Is the family fixer able to understand your boundries?  If not I have done a few thing in the past like - submitt a bill to them for cleaning and rental of space... . in bold print put "SMOKING FEE" and charge a ridiculous amount like $500. 

I don't know what the situation is for you but that's just down right disrespectful and rude!