Dealing with his family

[HoldingAHurricane]

During the rages, my dBPDh sends emails to his mother and sister blaming me, accusing me of heinous and false things and twisting and exaggerating the things that actually do happen. At first my sister-in-law sounded very supportive when I approached her. She acknowledged my uBPDh's history and that she had experienced or observed many of the difficulties I am facing with his behaviour.

However, I am now aware that she is saying to my husband that the reason he is unhappy is because we are clearly not right for each other and that he deserves someone great with whom he will find the easy happiness of a compatible partner.

She had begun to say to me that it was all very upsetting and that it was between he and I and not her and so I stopped speaking to her about it and yet she continues to participate by telling him these things and accepting his view points. His mother also suggests that I must be pushing his buttons while saying that she knows how he is.

They aren't very open to the idea of mental illness and I find their participation really unhelpful to both of us. At this point I feel like the best thing I can do is just stop. If they think he is going to find true love and it will heal him and agree with him that I sound like the crazy one, maybe I should just let it be?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hithere]

My exBPD did the same thing with her mother, she was very high functioning so she would take real fights we had then embellished them based on her paranoia and even though her mom knew she had issues she still fell in for a lot of the stuff she was told.  Ultimately it damaged my relationship with her mom.  And of course she used to tell me all kinds of terrible things about her mom as well. 

That is pretty much all I can say about this and maybe you have received so few replies to this because I am not sure there is anything you can do about this other than just accept it and do your best to ignore it.  I know if you try and smooth things out with the truth and it gets back to your person with BPD it will likely make it worse.