Are any of you Facebook friends with your ex-BPD?

[SarahinMA]

So, my ex friended me on facebook yesterday.  I'm not sure why.  He dumped me almost two years ago after devaluing me and discarding me.  He then never looked back- never once reached out, asked how I was.  He avoided me like crazy for like 6 months and then the times I saw him he would either a)pretend like he didn't know me or b)talk to me like I was still his girlfriend.  I'm dating someone new now and he saw us together.  I don't understand why he would friend me on FB when, for so long, he wanted ZERO to do with me.  We've had very little contact since we broke up.  Are any of you FB friends with your ex? 

[marbleloser]

No way! Blocked,deleted,fb page on lockdown from outsiders.

[babyducks]

No.   Its an incredibly bad idea for me.  Very Very Bad.

[TheDude]

No way! Blocked,deleted,fb page on lockdown from outsiders.

I'll see your 'lockdown', and raise you a 'deactivate'. 

[slimmiller]

I see my ex almost daily (one more time in my life will be too much... .  but we have kids together) and I have blocked her harder from my fb then Fort Knox. I dont want her to see my page nor do I want to see hers.  I dont need to even glimpse into what has become a black, life sucking hole. She can have her new circle of friends and admirers and I dont want to know, see or hear about it

[confetti]

"blocked her harder from my fb then Fort Knox."

blocked him along with any person who can give him information on me

it doesn't matter what your ex is doing and its best to not to let them glimpse a tour of your life without them or understand what's going on, i mean... . if you're that type that has a teeny part of you that wants to get back ~ the best thing to do is let their imagination work up what you might be up to.

[Undone123]

"blocked her harder from my fb then Fort Knox."

blocked him along with any person who can give him information on me

it doesn't matter what your ex is doing and its best to not to let them glimpse a tour of your life without them or understand what's going on, i mean... . if you're that type that has a teeny part of you that wants to get back ~ the best thing to do is let their imagination work up what you might be up to.

Mine unblocked me last week after a month NC... . weird. She hates me! Told me to F off yesterday, when I told her I've had a virus for six months and she needs to take care of herself... .

Before that conversation and after the unblock. She told me her and her new guy (We've been broken up nearly 3 months) will be a place that I'm going to be at on saturday. She's never been to one of these events, I used to go on my own? But this time she's coming with a new man? And she told me she is going back to uni to do a masters this september (The same course/institution as me)? She is 30 and never showed an interest in it before me... .

Whats all that about?

[KE151]

I blocked her and her relatives, friends and colleagues.

I'm NC and that goes for FB too. Only way.

[jmc8899]

I am Facebook friends with him.   I'd just rather not cause any conflict... . If I delete him I'll get the "wow you really hate me" message.  Anyone with BPD thrives on drama and creates it even where it doesn't exist so I've just hidden him from my news feed and made myself a rule that I can't check his page.   I used to check it regularly but seeing his updates just made me feel worse and dredged up feelings.  This has given me the willpower not to check it but if you don't think you can resist checking the ex's page- delete him/her

[causticdork]

I still have some communication with mine, but I blocked her from my Facebook after one too many, "Who's that girl you added? Why did you add her? Are you guys dating now?" messages.  I told her that it's not a good idea for us to have access to such constant reminders of each others' new lives, and that was that.  So now she makes a point of telling me via text or in person that she has dates lined up and she thought I should know that.  Guess taking away her ability to be a jerk on Facebook just meant she had to be more direct about it.


Anyway, I vote for no, don't accept the friend request, and while you're at it you should block him completely so he can't message you or request you again.

[standfree]

Ha, mine one is a really tricky situation. She has 36 mutual friends. Most of them she met though me. After our last bust up, where she said she just wanted to remain friends, i turn her down flat & told friends would not be a good idea, while she lives in denial of her illness, well me saying that, & i got one of the worst rages ever from my exBPD. She unfriended me, then proceeded to add more of my closer friends, My Boss who i have a good relationship with, my closest cousin & the captain of my sports team. How weird, not as if she had anything good to say about any of them, she had a opinion on them all & non of those opinions were good, in fact when i think about it, she never had much good to say about anyone even her own children & parents. It seems like she has hand picked those people to add to her friends list, why? to try ruin my reputation to these people? Infact i hope she does try paint me black, it will just dig a bigger hole for herself. She is even posting on another friends of mine page, that she loves him etc, flirty comments. We have only been 6 weeks NC, but yet she has found someone else, who i happen to also know very well. I had my suspicions though, her behaviour was getting very secretive in the end. Oh course i could never question her secretive behaviour without me getting accused of having the mental illness. I did have a urge to post a comment on FB saying "if any of my friends are indeed friends with my ex please unfriend her or i will unfreind you, But can i really make such demands? I really dont want to see or read anything that is associated with her. It might come to the point where i have to de-activate my own FB, so i have the time to heal... .

[seeking balance]

So, my ex friended me on facebook yesterday.  I'm not sure why.  He dumped me almost two years ago after devaluing me and discarding me.  He then never looked back- never once reached out, asked how I was.  He avoided me like crazy for like 6 months and then the times I saw him he would either a)pretend like he didn't know me or b)talk to me like I was still his girlfriend.  I'm dating someone new now and he saw us together.  I don't understand why he would friend me on FB when, for so long, he wanted ZERO to do with me.  We've had very little contact since we broke up.  Are any of you FB friends with your ex? 

I am not, and I also have hidden friends in common - I also rarely go on FB.

Well, what is it that you hope to happen by "friending" him?   I mean, after 2 years - why open a closed door?

[BlushAndBashful]

Mine doesn't have FB any more (not that I'm aware of) and we didn't have mutual friends. But I blocked everyone under the sun that has breathed the same air as him... . family, cousins, friends, other ex-wives, neighbors, coworkers, dog groomer... .

[marbleloser]

FB needs a "kiss my a$$" button.It'd makes things much simpler.

[leftbehind]

my ex and I have mutual friends and clients that he met through getting a job where I had worked for the last 20 some odd years.  Now I left that job since he broke up with me, and he's still there and in good with everyone.  So I see him friending my clients/friends/aquaintences who are still associated with this establishment.  I've hidden so many mutual friends, now it looks like I have to hide more from my newsfeed, because he's flirting with them.

feeling like life sucks today.

[jmc8899]

Block him so you don't see any of his posts or comments on your mutual friends' pages.   My ex and I only have a few mutual friends, so I've just hidden them and don't check their pages-or his.   Social media can make things so much more difficult!

[Grace58]

Mine used FB to stalk me, and to split me black to our mutual friends and family.  FB was just another tool of emotional abuse for her. I have blocked her and locked it down.  Her FB abuse patterns would cycle - whenever she felt lonely or afraid, there would be toxic emails and postings.  That said, some of my family members remained friends with her and indirectly, this really affected my relationship with my sister.   Very sad. 

I see zero reason to accept a friend request.

[LuckyEscapee]

FB needs a "kiss my a$$" button.It'd makes things much simpler.

 

Mine seems to crave information about me and when he manages to get some, it is a trigger for him. I changed my account and blocked him off my new one. I am very choosy about my friends nowadays.

[expos]

She (ex-wife) went through and de-friended all of my family and close friends, and of course, me.  We have a few mutual friends still but none that I'm in close contact with.  However, she never did block me nor did I block her - so she's allowed to periodically check in on my life - but her wall is blocked so I can't check on her.   

I found the whole de-friending thing sad.  Her ridding her profile of people who actually cared about her and never did her any harm.  In some strange way, it marked the end of everything (since we seem to live through social media these days) and that I really wasn't going to be a part of her life anymore. 

Sorry, I just have a lot of heart and really wanted to be on civil terms with my ex.  Even though things didn't well, it doesn't mask the fact I still care about her.  We went through a lot. 

[Blessed0329]

I deleted my ex from FB in March. It was terribly difficult for me to do, but we were spending way too much time posting coded message to each other in our status updates. It was the best thing for me, and has helped me in the detaching process. It bothered him badly, because he didn't know why I did it. He finally broke down and sent me a request to connect via LinkedIn about 5 weeks later. My pastor said he thought that connection was ok, so I accepted his request. It's completely different, because it provides him with the sense he still has a tie to me, but we can't use LI as a tool to drive each other crazy.

[SurvivedLove]

Nopes.

When I told him goodbye in December, it was a well thought out decision, that had taken me a few months to cement inside. I deleted him from FB, blocked him on Skype and set my email up to drop his mails directly in the spam folder.

Having seen once before what would happen if I allowed the door to staying in touch being the slightest bit open, I thought it was better for me to go on total lockdown.

I don't regret it one bit. Yes, he's sought my attention and have tried to use others to butt into my life again. Latest was about a month ago, where he suddenly started to greet and be friendly towards my best friend of 15 years - who he's never done the slightest bit to ever get to know before.

I am guessing that 3 months of not even seeing me online or hearing anything from mutual friends about me is taking it's toll on him and he needs to "regain" my attention somehow. Just a guess and honestly, I don't care what his motivation is. I'm just happy that my best friend brushed him off and ignored him, instead of responding to his "wooing" in any way. I gots me some good peeps at my side .