This "lovely" post from my mom

[Our abuse recovery guide]

You know the one that sucked at giving me gifts in the first place. I'm in the process of banning her. It was left at my blog.

"One way to get more of the things on your holiday wish list is to acknowledge the gifts that people do give you. It’s discouraging to send gifts and never know whether they arrived or were at all appreciated. Even if you don’t like the sender, it’s appropriate to send some indication of the receipt of the gift."

This got a prompt no response, banning, and a middle finger at my screen. Can you hear the FOG? Anyone want to translate? This was put on a holiday wish list, BTW.

Edit: Oh and Posted on mother's day. Triple the FOG on that.

[DesertChild]

You know the one that sucked at giving me gifts in the first place. I'm in the process of banning her. It was left at my blog.

"One way to get more of the things on your holiday wish list is to acknowledge the gifts that people do give you. It’s discouraging to send gifts and never know whether they arrived or were at all appreciated. Even if you don’t like the sender, it’s appropriate to send some indication of the receipt of the gift."

This got a prompt no response, banning, and a middle finger at my screen. Can you hear the FOG? Anyone want to translate? This was put on a holiday wish list, BTW.

Edit: Oh and Posted on mother's day. Triple the FOG on that.

[Marcia]

Well, that is A very inappropriate post. Talk about trying to start a negative exchange for no good reason. I hope you can just see it as her issue, and not feel too bad about it.

[DesertChild]

Thanks.

I'm firmly ignoring it. I shared it, ranted about it and then dropped it. I'm in the process of banning her more thoroughly from everything. I don't like tempting fate.

I'm not going to internalize this fog, but use it to prove to myself I'm better than whatever she says. I'll win for myself and not for her.

Besides, the last gift I got I had to hold her hand to get. It was a little disturbing. And it wasn't even what I exactly wanted either. (Even though I was holding her hand--I know how sad that is.)

[P.F.Change]

Have Salvation Army mail her the receipt next time. 

PF

[DesertChild]

That's too much of a response for her.

This is somewhere around her "You should be grateful" mode. Grateful for what? You mean the things that you're obligated to do as parents by the government?

Treat her like a misbehaving dog. Reward good behavior, which I haven't seen yet and ignore bad behavior, which I've seen a lot of.

[P.F.Change]

Just a joke. Don't have to really do it. 

To me this just sounds like someone looking for a fight. Has nothing to do with you but rather her own need for chaos and control. She knows which buttons to poke to make you mad and is hoping for any response.

Good on you for trying to remain detached.

PF

[XL]

I think that counts as internet stalking, actually. Hunting down blogs, wishlists, other accounts and using them for communication. I was just reading an article about a professor being stalked by a former student and they were doing eerily similar things.

---

Holidays and gifts are one of my main points of stress. My uBPDm is intentionally awful at gift giving. The value of gifts is that she enjoys shopping for them. They might as well be presents for herself. She doesn't give a crap what you want. That is the painful message; that your needs/wants don't matter. Practically speaking, she's draining the family's money doing this too, at a point where they're approaching underfunded retirement.

I want a highend guitar pedal as a joint present for my birthday. I know that will cause a fight, so I asked for nothing. 0. Nothing. That too caused a fight (she can't compulsively shop for nothing), so I suggested a joint family trip to the zoo. A shared activity with a $15 price. Also caused a fight (I'm now thinking she's lazy and hates walking), and a "This is my holiday, I was there too, I get to celebrate how I want" response. Meaning I'm going to get a giant pile of expensive garbage, yet no guitar gear, nor zoo trip, and likely be called spoiled, and opting out of it is also not an option.

The boyfriend was actually like, "Holy crap, that is your holiday. What the hell is wrong with her, that's really mean." He's finally beginning to understand.