Do sons experience the rage of BPD mothers?

[kharma]

My sister and I suffered many rages (physical and verbal abuse) from our BPD mother (she's a witch). Thinking back in retrospect, I cannot imagine a son over the age of 13, putting up with any of the things my BPD mother did to us. He probably would have hurt her and winded up in jail before completing high school. 

I'm curious as to how BPD mothers are towards their sons, do they physically abuse them? Do they scold them about what they wear? Do they lash out at them?  Or are they much nicer to them?

[Jam4Cash]

I am a son of a BPD mother. It was hell for me. She would fly off the handle and rage against any of us kids for small things. Once, because we were talking too loudly while she was on the phone she grabbed a nearby wire hanger and beat us with it. She always grabbed whatever was within arms reach. She would belt us until it got numb. She would call me names, put me down, and even misuse scriptures to condemn me and my siblings. I still suffer from our relationship as she continues to make things ever more complicated. I could go on and on, I had 5 dads, mine committed suicide when I was 8 years old and the rest were obviously step dads. She would have sex with some of them knowing we were in the same room. She would go from one man to the next like it was nothing. We moved every 2 years and she would pull me in and out of public school. I don't think she wanted me to develop close relationships with anyone since she always hated my friends. Then moving every 2 years to a different town or state, I wasn't able to ever keep in touch with anyone.

[Ker2See]

I'm a 40+ male and grew up with a uBPDm.  The short answer to your question is yes.  I also have a sister who is a few years younger than me. Both of us experienced the "wrath."  Sometimes I got it worse, sometimes my sister did... . I thin my sister actually got is worse than I did, at least emotionally and psychologically.  Then my mother would justify it to my our dad to cover her butt and get him on her side... . constantly.  She still does this.

[GeekyGirl]

I think it's safe to say that everyone in my family, including my brother, gets to experience my mother's rage every so often.

No two people are alike, even if they have BPD, so it's quite possible that one mother could lash out or physically abuse her son and another could put her son on a pedestal and never challenge him. In my mother's case, she wasn't physically abusive to either of us, but she could be emotionally manipulative and change her mood very quickly based on what was going on around her. Typically she is less volatile around my brother, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't get angry with him.

[nomom4me]

My mom struck my brother more than once, she didn't hit the girls.  In some ways the boys had it harder growing up, but as adults my sister has set the tone for enmeshment and I think my mom expects the same with me.

[isshebpd]

Yes, I experienced rage on a regular basis. I was the most frequent target after my enDad. Both my uBPDmom and enDad physically abused me to some degree, though not frequently. Abuse from enDad was just in the form of spankings when I was a lot younger than 13.

I never hit either of them back, though I remember doing things like grabbing my uBPDmom's wrists to stop her from trying to slap me or slamming a door in her face. By the time I was in my mid-teens I was physically strong (worked out and played soccer), so I would have done a lot of damage if I hit her, and I didn't want to go to jail.

I acted out, did all kinds of drugs all the time, and hung out with kids who had trouble with the police. My only time behind bars, was a night in the drunktank at 16. Because I was just a kid, they put me in a cell by myself.

I wasn't around the family home any more than I had to be. I was out all the time, to avoid my uBPDmom.

From what I've been reading (what little is available), the relationship between uBPDmoms and their sons includes every kind of abuse. Some have very disturbing effects on the sons, to the point where they are unable to develop normal relationships and proceed as most people do with their lives. My uNPDbro is 35 and has never had a r/s with a woman, from what I can tell. He is the golden child.

[mcdoogle]

Reading here can be so crazy sometimes! I just thought my mom was difficult growing up, but now realize all the BPD type things she did. This forum is like reading things I may have written but with details changed. It's creepy at times!

My grandmother -late life Dx - physically and emotionally abused my uncle. He is totally enmeshed. (I didn't know these words until reading here... . but they are so perfect!). One of my brothers was the golden child and while he is inadvertently gone LC (just very busy in life), he has attached himself to another woman who is either BPD or just severely narcistic. It's a business relationship. His wife and I sit around and compare stories - I tell horrible things my mom has done lately and she tells horrible things this business woman has done. They are eerily similar.

We have always said that my uncle has 'Stockholm syndrome' - I now see enmeshed as a better term. I think my brother may be predisposed to being enmeshed though he has somehow broken out of that with my mom.

Men/boys are just as suspectible. No one is immune!

[Islandgrl]

My brother was the all good child but still think that she went into rages with him at times ( there's an age gap and I can't recall an instance at the moment).  But although she was much less violent towards him, in a way he got it worse.  There was what I think I've heard people call "emotional incest" where at night she would lie on top of him in bed kissing him and talking to him in an intimate way - I remember her doing this when he was in his early teens but I'm not sure if it went on any later. 

You would think that a male might hurt her but in reality my mother was a very scary woman and if you're her child and grow up with that its very difficult to stand up to her or do anything about it.  My mother was regularly violent towards my father who never retaliated (although he occasionally hit me and my siblings sometimes in response to my mothers cajoling) And didnt leave until he found someone else.  I suppose for my brother it must be even more confusing being the all good child - in a way it was easier for me to get away and create some distance ( that's what I mean by in a way he got t worse).  My brother married a demanding controlling type who my friend thinks is just like my mother (I'm not so sure she is quite as bad). 

[isshebpd]

My brother married a demanding controlling type who my friend thinks is just like my mother (I'm not so sure she is quite as bad). 

This seems a quite a common theme for sons of BPD moms. They're so used to abuse from their moms that they may not even recognize an abusive gf/wife. In some ways, I'm glad I waited until I was in university and had some sense of myself before I started dating.

[stellaris]

I was absolutely the focus of my mother's rage, and it was the worst through my adolescence.  She had huge issues with her father, huge issues with men in general. It was horrible.  I remember once trying to end an argument by going to bed and she literally stood at the end of the bed poking me to stop me from going to sleep.  Another time she freaked out because I wouldn't clean my room (I frequently just refused to do what I was told - my strategy for coping with her bizarre intrusions) and stripped it to the walls - literally everything I owned was shoved out into the hallway, and I was left to sleep on the bare floor - she did leave me a quilt.  She threatened me with a knife once and generally alternated between being bizarrely controlling, raging at my refusal to be controlled, being utterly disinterested and then being some kind of normal.  I did physically push her over once at age 14 in the middle of a fight, which took some considerable psychological working up to, but it didn't change anything.

Would I put up with that today?  Absolutely not, but as a child I had no idea I was being abused.  If it were physical abuse, if it were ongoing, I think I would have fought back at some point, but it was emotional abuse, much more subtle, much harder to pin down.

My father did beat me once.  In a weird way that was a positive thing, because it was concrete, physical proof that things weren't right.  My family blamed me for my mother's raging and controlling - because I was misbehaved, disobedient, etc.  The beating was too actually, but it was so far over the top, so wrong that no-one could reasonably claim it was appropriate (though my sister claims it never happened).  It was the key that finally unraveled the whole fabric of toxicity that was my family dynamic.

Anyway, remember that all men start off as little boys, and all little boys need safe, loving parents just as much as little girls do.  Teenage boys need their moms support just as much as teenage girls need their dad.  When you get abuse instead, it's crippling.  Testosterone isn't some magic potion that substitutes for parental love.