Suppressed Memories

[dodocreek]

Hi,

I am new to the board and apologise if this topic has been covered before. Please point me in the right direction if it has.

I have recently formed a strong impression that my wife has many BPD traits even if she is not fully BPD (it doesn't really matter which as the behaviour is destructive enough). Problem is, it all seems so bizarre to a newcomer that I have serious doubts about whether it is real, part of my imagination or whether it is some sort of projection of my own issues. I feel an intense need for some [url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation[/b][/url], without ignoring my own contribution to the state of our relationship, just so that I can be confident that I am not completely deluded here.

I have started to keep a journal but, in trying to remember examples of past behaviour and interactions, I often feel there are walls built around a lot of painful experiences from the past. I would appreciate any views on this; does it sound likely that there is a lot of suppressed stuff, is it possible / wise to look at recovering some of it, am I right to focus on [url=https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation]validation[/b][/url] so much?

Thanks for reading ... .

[Simona]

Dear dodocreek

I am married with an undiagnosed BPD man and our home is a constant war zone when it comes to emotional and verbal abuse and sometimes things are escalating to a level of physical and sexual abuse too. Yet, if you ask me details how the fights abuses started etc I can't really give any to you because all those stuff are like happening behind a veil.

I don't remember the triggering part, how it becomes so big, how he hurts me or anything. I read in somewhere on net, this is part of the survival mechanisms of our brains. Since I am not an expert I can only tell how it is for a non BPD spouse.

Wish you well and hopefully an expert may give you a more valid response!

[VeryFree]

I think this is just the reason why you should keep a journal.

For me it was/is the same way. If I now try to remember bad things of our 10 yrs-r/s I can only remember the past year.

Makes me think like things maybe weren't too bad before.

Luckily I kept a journal. Reading back helps me remember. And believe me: things were definitely bad.

I guess it has something to do with unconsciously protection yourself from harm, by pushing away bad memories.

[dodocreek]

if you ask me details how the fights abuses started etc I can't really give any to you because all those stuff are like happening behind a veil.

Simona, you are so right here. You know that there is something there but you can't quite flesh out the detail of what it is.

For me it was/is the same way. If I now try to remember bad things of our 10 yrs-r/s I can only remember the past year.

Makes me think like things maybe weren't too bad before ... . believe me: things were definitely bad.

Yes VS. I guess we have to get to the point where we believe that there is a problem here and then we don't need to concretise things so much with specific examples.

Thanks both for your replies. I wish you both well.