The smear campaign

[Undone123]

Now a friend of mine is acting a bit odd... . now he has recently been in a lot of close contact with my ex in a professional setting, and has started being a bit distant since.

Best to ask and approach it? or leave it be?

[mango_flower]

Urgh.  I don't doubt this is happening to me either, luckily my ex has moved to a new town and hasn't dared slate me to our mutual friends (they were my friends first and she knows they know me well!).

Personally I'd not ask a thing.  I'd get on with my head held high, smile lots, be a positive person.  Actions speak louder than words.  Show compassion to others etc, and it will come across that you're a nice person anyway. 

The truth will out either way -these people have a way of tripping themselves up!

I know it's easy to want to defend yourself but it'll just end up looking like a tit for tat.  So best to ignore.  If people don't have the decency to ask/treat you as they always did, then maybe they're not worth giving your time to... .

x

[Undone123]

It's horrible... . The problem for me is me and my ex have the same profession, and work in the same region. Word spreads and it could be really bad. I thought it was all over but I think I'm going to have to brace myself.

[mango_flower]

That really does suck.  Is there a "middle man" in all this, who is 100% in the know about what REALLY happened, that could put your side across if asked, whilst you smile sweetly, maintaining a dignified silence?

[Undone123]

Sort of... . to be fair I don't really mind loosing this friend, he's more of an acquaintance. I'm more concerned about any future smear reaching work... . it's like she just wants to attack my happiness

[jmc8899]

Take the high road.   Your ex will try to get people on "her side", but the more you talk or ask about it the worse you will look.   It may get back to your ex that you talked to this friend about her, and that may cause her to start engaging with you again - not what you want.   

[KellyO]

Smear-campains are horrible. I have no idea what my ex-bf has fed to his friends, but it does not matter because they are not my friends. I have nothing to do with them. Given is they see me as a wicked witch too, and I don't give a damn because I never see them. I have a pretty good idea what he has said about me.

But, when I was very young and still living in my home town, very small town, I broke up with my common-law-husband who cheated on me, and he started a smearcampain. Worst is, it took me months to find out. My own family was in it too. I had no idea. He spread lies about me, most horrible lies, in a place where everyone knew eachother and I worked in a shop. I have no idea how I coped when I found out, maybe I never did because I still keep people in distance. That smearcampain followed me for years, I could not get new job, people thought I'm a shameless two-faced slut. It was best day of my life when I moved far away from that place.

Smear campain can ruin peoples lives, professions and mental health. People spreading lies are not only one responsible there, but those "innocent bystanders" are too, and should be a shamed of themselves. I have learnt I never believe any mean rumours I hear about people, and that has served me well. 99% times rumours have been a lie. I would have been deeply ashamed of myself if I had believed them and even spred to other people. To me it looks like people WANT to believe all the crap they hear about other people, that way they can feel they are better, there is also projection going on, people enjoy when they can think that some people are horrible person but they are not.