Back to square one?

[stop2think]

Its been 2 weeks since i checked his FB profile, still haven't checked it but his wife's profile popped on the 'friends suggestion'... . and she is so pretty. Just what he wanted - a beautiful wife! Bonus - she is highly educated and well settled professionally... . how did she agree to marry him within a week. It was an 'arranged date' - he got to know about her through a family friend, as she was looking to a suitable match to settle down with since she was ready. Was she desperate to get married too as she was 29 yrs, and wanted to just settle for a decent man (who was financially and professionally well off and well educated) which my ex bf is. He is was not a 'handsome' guy per se, but a real charmer with his chivalrous acts and sweet talk.

It's like he showed me. He could have what ever he wanted.

I was hurt just looking at her pic - he must be floating on those pink clouds now as he got what he always wanted. While i am feeling horrible and trying to cope with the past each minute, trying to figure out my life, struggling with the pain after he dumped me - while he rejoicing his new dream world... .   :'(

[mango_flower]

Ouch, I know that hurts.

Just think, have sympathy for the woman - she'll eventually be where you are now... . and she'll be hurting and posting here more than likely! 

As much as you may still love him, remind yourself of all the crazy-making... . you don't have to have that anymore.  She does.  Soon she will be as bewildered, as confused... .

And he'll probably swan off, leaving her heartbroken. x

[Clearmind]

stop2think, the dream is an illusion - unfortunately she will see what you saw.

HOw is your support network?

[Mr Bean]

Woow a week   how could he move on so quickly? Doesnt he have feelings for you?

Mine got married after 3 months. I know she is 48 and never been married. But cmon, 3 months! Now she totally forgot about me 

[stop2think]

Mango_flower - I think they learn a lot in terms of better managing their next relationship once they have experimented their traits on us. So she might always get the princess treatment as he finally got what he wanted.

Clearmind- this board is my only support network.  And I am glad I found it.

Mr bean- he got engaged 2 months later and married her last month. They met eachother for a week and decided to settle down, its an arranged set up... . I was shocked it took him 2 months to move on to someone new with only one intention that wants to get married asap.

[TonyK]

Why don't you stop for a moment there, just to think how incredibly lucky you've been, to have avoided marrying this guy?

He would have eventually left anyway, they always do. You would have to go through very painful divorce procedures. You dodged that.

His soon-to-be wife, which you now envy, will have to go through that hell. By that time you will have made progress with your life.

You're the lucky one in this story. Have no doubt about it.

Hang in there. 

[TonyK]

... . he got engaged 2 months later and married her last month. They met each other for a week and decided to settle down... .  

Does that seem normal to you? Would you have married a guy you met so quickly? Think reasonably. They don't ''learn''. They don't change. They always act on the same cycle. It's always the same pattern. They can't help it, even if they wanted to. It's the way their brain functions. It's a mental illness. Quit hallucinating that he's able of becoming a person that he can never be. His disorder will always govern his behavior.

[Take2]

UUUUGH... . Stop2think... .   I can read your pain in your messages and just wanted to express to you how sorry I am that you are experiencing that pain.  Everyone here is right, you ARE the lucky one in this equation, but I know it doesn't feel that way right now... .    And it won't for a long time... .   and you might always wonder... . but please believe that you are the lucky one... .   think about how long it took you to see his red flags ?  I know in my instance, it took over a year to see the first rage.  There were odd things before that which I just ignored but the real rage was one year.  It took me another year after that of going thru bizarre accusations and rages to realize that it wasn't just an anger management issue, it was a true problem.  And now four years later, just yesterday, I saw a completely crazy person in front of me projecting every single issue at me that he has.  It was like watching a video of an example of someone with BPD and what they could do/say... .    It doesn't change how deeply I love him but it does make me realize the true extent of the disorder (as if I didn'talready know).

Take this time to be good to yourself... . YOU deserve it... .    he doesn't know that woman and she obviously does not know him... .    It will not go well and she will be going thru exactly what you are at some point soon... .   know that what you need to focus on is YOU and YOUR heart... .   because YOU deserve it... .

[stop2think]

TonyK,

Does that seem normal to you? Would you have married a guy you met so quickly? Think reasonably. They don't ''learn''. They don't change. They always act on the same cycle. It's always the same pattern. They can't help it, even if they wanted to. It's the way their brain functions. It's a mental illness. Quit hallucinating that he's able of becoming a person that he can never be. His disorder will always govern his behavior.

From my perspective, i would have never married/gotten engaged to someone within a month or 2. But it does not surprise most of the people i know. Ok, let me tell you why - because i am from a country and a society that has been predominantly believing 'arranged marriages'. Even today familes are the match makers. The boy & girl meet couple of times (f2f) and if the 'big needs/wants' match they get engaged within weeks and married within 2-3 months time. I am not a believer in such practices although they have served well to the society and the so-called culture/traditions which i least care about.

My exbfwBPD/NPD does not like to give 'too much' time in a r/s. He believed that why would one want to waste time (long time) being in a r/s just to know more about the person. He idea was to know the important things of the person (likes, dislikes, needs, wants) and if you are fine with it - just get married asap and you have the entire life for yourselves to 'know more' about one another. You can deal with the issues, etc after the marriage. Basically, he wanted a wife - who is pretty, educated and someone who could adjust to his ways of living. So when he left me, he returned to my country (Also where he belongs to) met a few girls including his now wife - and they decided to get engaged within a month(that seals the deal) and get married within 3 months. Now i am in his 'ex files'. He cut me off within no time. What hurts the most is he still stuck to his plan - to get married before June this year... . the only change in it was a different girl.

Take2 - Thank you for understanding my situation. At times i feel i am lucky to have escaped the misery and he did me a favor by deciding to leave - BUT it hurts bad to be disposed and treated like nobody... . he is enjoying his new life with the new woman in his life. He was the one who made me believe in marriage, showed me beautiful dreams, even during our rough times in r/s gave me hopes that we could work things out and i am the one he wants to spend his life with. I had no clue or idea he would break up with me when i went all the way to visit him 20000 miles away. It was like he invited me to dump me. Classic!