more medical paranoia/splitting

[XL]

Ugh. I handled this situation well. For now.

So she calls me really late at night. A family member was injured badly a few weeks ago. The whole call was about how the (diligently supportive, overwhelmed) wife of this person is an idiot, and isn't doing enough, blah blah, etc. Escalating to another aunt threatening violence. Then her crying that I'm not offering support. That the doctors are evil, the wife is evil. The cousins are evil, more care rights should be given to the family instead. That the family knows better than the individual or his wife. I didn't take the bait. At all. I just reminded her that as long as the injured guy is coherent, all decisions about his care are ultimately his. That pissed her off.


I'm really worried for the sake of everyone else when she goes to visit. I foresee a tantrum in a hospital. She's doing that thing again of splitting injured people all black because she can't process worry.

I really need to get on that living will thing. She terrifies me in medical situations.

[BlueCat]

Yeah, medical crises are hard for disordered people. I guess because it really drives home to them that they aren't in control, so they try to get back in control? I think it also drives them nuts that the attention is not on them.

Congrats on handling it well though  That's not the easiest thing to do.

[simplesimon]

I think it also drives them nuts that the attention is not on them.

I totally agree with this!

My BPDm would rant, rave and generally call EVERYONE an idiot.  They can't handle that there are not the center of attention, getting sympathy and support.

[XL]

I think it also drives them nuts that the attention is not on them.

I totally agree with this!

My BPDm would rant, rave and generally call EVERYONE an idiot.  They can't handle that there are not the center of attention, getting sympathy and support.

Yeah, she accused me of not being supportive last night. (I answered my phone at 11pm and offered to change her plane ticket. I'm not calling her every hour and hand-holding, if that's what she's looking for). I think she's punishing me for going out of town with my healthy friends for the holiday. Too bad.

---

She can't deal with losing people, which I understand. She tries to railroad people into managing the situation the way that makes her most emotionally comfortable, which is terrifying when the situation is about someone who is in physical distress and rightfully should be the one in control. She projects her anger onto the sickest person, or their caregiver most often. It is one of her traits that I hold in total contempt, even more than the arguing or hoarding.

Ironically, she considers herself to be a nursing professional.    

I also think that she is terrified of death because she is living a weak, unfulfilling life. She sits around moping and ruminating, and doesn't partake in the joys of this planet, and has a major existential crisis when people need to die. She left me to deal with a pretty intense long distance hospice situation in my late 20's because she was being a jerk and couldn't face the family.

[Loveisfree]

Hi XL, is does sound like you handled the situation well     But, also remember that is she is calling late and you are tired and not wanting to answer the phone, you don't have to.  It took me a long time to realize that as my uBPDm would go on and on if I didn't respond everytime she called, whether I was busy or not 

I agree with BlueCat that it sounds like she is really trying to make this all about her, very typical behavior, especially when others are having problems.  She feels left out and needs you attention to be on her.  Remember, to listen to your own needs and it's ok to let a call go to voicemail