I don't want to go home.

[Mcgddss]

Sorry for the negative side but I don't want to go home.

I had to send out a large check to settle a financial situation.

huBPD had a huge rage over it last night.  Said he wanted to split our bank accounts - to which I said fine, but this needed to be done so I would take the amount out of my half.

So I just mailed the check.  And I have no idea if he will rage, but I will be amazed if he doesn't.

He is "walking" disabled (not due to BPD) and I ask very little of him.  He gets to stay home and does what ever he wants.

I work full time.  His situation exhausts me.  If I take a "mental health day" he is there and is upset that I am resting. 

I really can't see any reason to stay right now, except for our children.  The oldest wants to no longer have a "grumpy" daddy.  The youngest leaves the room.

All I can think of is a dad who could play with them and go on trips and have fun.  And I worry what this is doing to them and how they will be as adults.

Feeling like this is really too much.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[allibaba]

 

It sounds like you need to take some time for yourself and your kids!  Maybe plan a day trip... . find a way to get away (without seeming like you are trying to escape).

First and foremost take care of yourself and your kids  

Once you do that - you'll be able to sit back and assess your situation with a fresh head and a fresh heart!   

[Rockylove]

alibaba is right on target with the response.  Take care of yourself first (think of it like the airplane instructions for oxygen.  Give it to yourself first then take care of those around you.  If you're taking care of yourself, you can then take care of your children.  Sorry... . but your spouse comes in dead last.  Not to sound cruel, but your kiddos deserve to have you be strong so they can enjoy a "normal" life. 

[Mcgddss]

Thank you.

I was amazed - we had a fairly calm evening.

Somewhere around here I read about keeping things calm.  Turns out that it really works!

uBPDh tries to lay guilt trips on me when I go out without him.  Now that I know it is the disorder, and not an adult opinion of what is right or wrong, I just ignore his guilt.  Realize I go out with friends about once every two months.

I am always grateful for the responses on here - helping me to understand this world.

[empathic]

I often feel like I don't want to go home. If my wife's mood had been consistent it would have been easier to deal with. As it is now she can be grumpy in the morning and cheerful in the evening and vice versa, with no real logic behind the change.

[allibaba]

uBPDh tries to lay guilt trips on me when I go out without him.  Now that I know it is the disorder, and not an adult opinion of what is right or wrong, I just ignore his guilt.  Realize I go out with friends about once every two months.

Actually its kind of strange.  My husband used to make me feel guilty for going out/ going away.  Once I realized that that was part of this disorder, I started going out more.  I make sure that I don't put any extra burden on him so that I am not relying on him to be able to go have some fun (in other words, I will arrange for a babysitter so that he doesn't have the power to make me cancel because he refuses to watch our son).

My not so professional advice is GO OUT A LITTLE MORE 

Once every two months wouldn't be enough for me 

The irony is that while initally I got extinction bursts (adult temper tantrums) about going away or going out... . now he actually respects me more as an adult because I have some sort of a life besides sucking onto him.   

[Jeansok]

I like it Allibaba! I too have made a decision to do this more... . as far as the babysitter thing. Right there with ya!

[Grey Kitty]

You have already got a lot of good comments... . but I did want to mention one thing nobody spoke of:

huBPD had a huge rage over it last night.  Said he wanted to split our bank accounts - to which I said fine, but this needed to be done so I would take the amount out of my half.

Splitting bank accounts is a somewhat contentious issue, but it can protect you. I don't know about him, but many here have had a pwBPD who made impulsive / poor financial decisions, and this does limit your exposure... . so if you have a good chance/excuse to do it, you might want to jump on it.