my new tool; confusion

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I have a few underhanded tools I use. One is distraction, where I randomly change the subject when things get weird. My new one is confusion, where I repeatedly act like I didn't understand the statement, the point of it, and kind of give a dead, baffled look to the topic. I act like they're speaking a foreign language, which in some ways they are.

"So and so is gossiping about you."

"Who? Oh... . hold on, I dropped my phone. (drops phone on purpose)."

I probably shouldn't do this, but if I tried SKILLS on every point of weirdness, I would be in a state of constant behavior policing.

[XL]

I have a few underhanded tools I use. One is distraction, where I randomly change the subject when things get weird. My new one is confusion, where I repeatedly act like I didn't understand the statement, the point of it, and kind of give a dead, baffled look to the topic. I act like they're speaking a foreign language, which in some ways they are.

"So and so is gossiping about you."

"Who? Oh... . hold on, I dropped my phone. (drops phone on purpose)."

I probably shouldn't do this, but if I tried SKILLS on every point of weirdness, I would be in a state of constant behavior policing.

[Deb]

Actually, I like your technique. It works with toddlers, and PD's are emotionally children, soo... .

[Loveisfree]

::  Doesn't sound underhanded at all, sounds like a good coping technique 

However, hopefully, one day you will just be able to say "I am not interested in what so and so is saying about me, let's change the subject"      It gets easier and easier the more you do it.  With my mom I still avoid, avoid, avoid but I hope to one day just say what I mean without being offensive.   

[educator]

When DH and I were still speaking with MIL, I would play off as though I was confused sometimes or simply change the subject when she brought up things that made me feel uncomfortable.  Those tactics probably helped keep our r/s going for awhile and I think it will help keep your r/s going with your mom.  There are also medium chill techniques.  Have you looked a those?  I actually will use those on my colleagues sometimes when they get upset 

The moment I did as loveisfree suggests, MIL blew up and eventually went NC with myself and DH.  To her, when we asked her not to talk about something, she'd take it as a huge insult and a betrayal.  Boundaries didn't work well with uBPD MIL.