There is true love out there...

[flynavy]

By now many of you read my many posts regarding my ex BPD/NPD fiance.  It seemed like hell for 2 and 1/2 years... . but please be assured that there is true love out there... . I experienced it for 32 years.  You all will find it when you least expect... . like I did.  As I contemplate the last moments with my wife, I am still amazed at the perplexing beauty of being there for my wife, best friend, lover,mother of our children as she breathed her last breath.  The paradox of knowing she is leaving me yet I felt good knowing I helped the person I loved the most to get to a better place with no pain... . no cancer... . no anxiety... . no apprehension. I know this isn't the place for this type of post but you all should know that through all of the pain you are going through right now... . there are caring, selfless, loving people out there!  This should be more than enough stimulus for you all to move forward... . get to know who you are... . what you want and detach from your current toxic relationships!  You all deserve what I had for 32 years... . it will make all of what your going through right now seem so not worth the time we all give it!

[jalbright]

Thank you, just thank you.

[Mr Bean]

The hardest part is to move forward and believing there is a true love out there

[flynavy]

Believe me... . there is... . I experienced it... . the hardest thing I ever had to do was let her know it was alright to go... . to be without pain, fear, apprehension!

I found it when I wasn't looking! It hit me square between the eyes... . I know I will have it again.

[Clearmind]

Beautiful Fly . Your wife would be so proud of you right now

[apple]

The hardest part is to move forward and believing there is a true love out there

Its extremely hard when you have given so much of your life to one day figure out that it was all a lie. For me, I don't know if its even worth it anymore to be honest.

[flynavy]

Apple... . there is nothing that is certain.  The hardest thing we humans do is put ourselves out there emotionally towards another person knowing full well it may not come back at us.  But that is just what makes it so worth it... . trust me!  It's scary!  The only thing you have control over is how you feel.  I have one of those motivational posters that I framed many years ago not for the saying but for the picture.  I was brought up playing basketball in the inner city.  It was my solace from a dysfunctional early family childhood.  It is a picture of an old gym with a frayed net... . beat up floor... . wire on the windows... . etc.  Never really read the motivational words under the picture... . but it reads... . "You will always miss 100% of the shots you don't take" ... . Trust me... . the only thing worth taking to your grave is your integrity... . honesty in friendships, life and love! 

Only way to find the love of your life is to be honest... . and take the shot... . I'm glad I did... . even with my exBPD/NPD because I was true to my heart and that ain't ever a bad thing!  Never give up Apple!

[Mr Bean]

The hardest part is to move forward and believing there is a true love out there

Its extremely hard when you have given so much of your life to one day figure out that it was all a lie. For me, I don't know if its even worth it anymore to be honest.

Sounds sad but somehow i totally agree with you

[crystalclear]

Flynavy,

It does make me want to believe even more. But on this road to recovery the hardest thing is to believe in love again after you had been abandoned/discarded by the person who loved you like noone. Who we loved or still love even after everything they did to us.

And the world around you thinks love is fictional feeling... . and expects us to be 'practical' in life.

[Mr Bean]

Probably it could take me years till i could be in a relationship again

[DarkCurls54]

I am not only terrified but disgusted with the idea of EVER falling for someone again or allowing him to get close to me.  I am just going to live my life as best I can and be grateful for the daily miracles. I am going to try to expand my definition of Love and Lovingkindness so as not to feel so alone in the world, but I cannot see myself ever getting involved in another romantic relationship.  It's odd for me - usually I am the first person to defy anything that seems to keep me back, but this mental illness is probably the strongest negative force I have ever encountered. It is bigger than I am.  Hope the rest of you reading this do better than I have and will.   :'(

[flynavy]

To All who responded to this post... . Please do not ever give up... . then this messed up disorder and particularly your exs continue the path of destruction far beyond your detachment! 

It IS REAL!  Its not the words and mind games our exs played/play to get and keep us to meet THEIR needs.  You will definitely know when someone is genuine and is there for YOU.  In retrospect regarding my exBPD/NPD, I always knew but I had an immediate hole to fill because I wanted it filled so I either missed or wrote off the yellow/red flags for the temporary relief of the pain and longing for love after my wife died. But to the point... . For 32 years, I was married to the most selfless, caring, loving woman I ever met.  She never idealized me... . it was a totally different feeling... . if it is too good to be true... . IT IS(meaning it not genuine!).

There is absolutely NOTHING like being in love with the right person... . that's why there are so many songs, stories wrote about it.  We are wired for this phenomena... . the BPD/NPDs wiring is short circuited to allow only feelings one way... . if there was an easy fix, non of us would be on this site!  There is far too little time on this planet to agonize over something that at best... . has a very slim chance of ever working out.

I am blessed to have had what I had with my wife for the time I did... . You guys cannot give up... . it is so worth it!

[Whichwayisup]

Thanks fly,

I have read so many posts that we can mostly feel the fear, grief and anguish I can't remember one written with so much love and compassion.

I empathise with the others as I now realise I have never received true love as my relationship has been the longest and first significant one of my life across 13yrs, regardless of whether I ever do experience it or not, I am so happy that you have been able to articulate and work through your own pain to see the perspective beyond the pain.  As part of the healing process we do need to feel and work through the pain so, for many this is maybe too much to comprehend at their point, it may be reflected on later by many when a certain point is reached.  Credit to you.

Whichwayisup 

[flynavy]

To all... . I will be writing my "success" story shortly!  Bottom Line for me... . that fact that I was able to be in a loving, caring, beautiful marriage and STILL be madly in love with my wife who passed 3 1/2 years ago, is what has made me whole again!  Love never dies!  I far too much more to give, share, experience with the right person to let this "bump" in my journey get in the way.  I have to re-iterate... . however devastating this all seems at the moment, it is temporary... . NEVER GIVE UP on following your heart!  Hopefully this experience has armed you/us with a keener sense of awareness... . maybe a newly found 6th sense that will direct our hearts in the right direction... . to not allow ourselves to be misled because we now know ourselves much better!

Fair Winds... . Following Seas... . God's Speed to us all my friends... .

[LetItBe]

Thanks for the reminder, flynavy!  Great timing!