Saw her after 4 months NC and total breakdown

[stoic83]

Hey guys,

I saw my exwBPD after going 4 months NC with her.

Her dad died and after she moved in with me... . she relapsed on alcohol (13 months sober).

Everyone blamed me for her relapsing... .

I was trying to be caring and supportive, but not codependent... . and it was just impossible for me.

I came home one day and found her in the shower with her sober sister. It was distressing.

She said it wasn't hooking up... . but it was still gross and inappropriate. Then she screamed about how she fell out of love with me a long time ago... .

Then after she got out of chemical detox she gave me the most thoughtful presents I've ever received.

But at that point, I was so upset and traumatized from all the drama that I was pissed off and didn't give her anything.

She was screaming in bed and crying about her dad and talking about him possibly molesting her sister... .

I flipped out and went to her mom's house and lost my temper... . and cried and freaked out about all the crazy hit.

In the end they all hated me. I told her to change her phone number... . she hit me up a couple of times over the past 4 months... .

In therapy I had a breakthrough and realized that I wasn't as supportive as I thought I was, that I was passive aggressive, and that I locked myself in my office because she was being so mean to me during her grieving... . I didn't know what to do... . towards the end she was violent towards me... . but I was "pushing her"... . etc.

Upon seeing her, she seemed like she was doing a lot better... . but I could still sense the BPD, and some really sad opinions about herself... . I think she wanted to sleep with me, but I know better.

I was really happy to see her... . I do love her a lot.

The next day I started freaking out through text messages... . commanding her to move to sedona arizona or kona hawaii... . to get away from all the toxic influences in her AA program (not all are made the same) and her "life coach". Knowing from my therapist, that she needs actual psychotherapy (various types actually).

I saw her trying very hard to impress me, and make me proud, and it was so hard for me to see her... . and to sense that she was fairly withdrawn and attempting to see me in "grey".

I could only see her as the person I love more than anybody, and it was so frigging bad. The next day I just lost it in text... . was controlling, and insulting, and pushy... . told her I couldn't be friends that I loved her too much.

I continued to dig myself a hole to the point where she wants nothing to do with me ever again.

I feel like I almost self sabotaged to avoid another cycle, but I am so sad because I know how hard she is trying and I know that I was a big part of encouraging her... . and I was there with her through all of her struggles.

I am very very sad, and I feel like I really messed up

[Mr Bean]

Omg, in the shower with her sister? Are you serious? Why was she taking shower with her own sister?

[stoic83]

well they call it a "sober sister"... . her "friend" from rehab... .

[leftbehind]

Stoic83, I think you're blaming yourself too much.  It sounds like you did your best when you were with her.  Cut yourself a break.  Hopefully she will find her way to the professional help she needs. 

[nolisan]

we are powerless over other people just like an alcoholic wrt the drink>Try a Codependent Anon Meeting. I'll bet you qualify