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Author Topic: need advice  (Read 332 times)
itgirl
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 4 years living together
Posts: 195



« on: June 11, 2013, 07:42:29 AM »

my BPD partner left me about 3 months ago but we have lived together trying to work things out till 20 days ago.  she moved to another city.

she is very jealous of a friendship I have with my best friend.  I think it is totally irrational and not true but for her it is reality. 

background:  my ex and me shared a home together and since the split I have to move house.  my ex is trying everything to get me to move far away from my best friend.

I am not taking her calls and now she has phoned my mother (I am 35 years old) and told very big lies about me to get me to move out of town away from my best friend.  I am so angry/livid.  I want to confront her but don't want to make things worse.  should I just leave it or should I give her a call and tell her to leave my poor family alone who have enough stress as it is.

Please help me I want to do the right thing
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marbleloser
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« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2013, 08:08:09 AM »

Don't respond and tell your mom not to answer her calls.She'll get bored eventually.If not,then file harassment charges if you feel the need to.

She's painted you black and is starting a smear campaign against you.Your mom probably isn't the only one she's contacting.

Don't take it personal,just refuse to engage in her attempts to triangulate and smear.
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Validation78
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Relationship status: divorced
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« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2013, 08:22:17 AM »

Hi Itgirl!

I would not engage with her at all. I would discuss the situation with my friends and family and let them decide how to handle it. If it is too stressful for them, suggest that they politely disengage, ask her not to call anymore, and hang up the phone.

It's hard to ignore the tales some pwBPD will spin after the breakup, however, if you focus on your truth, your healing journey will be much easier!

Best Wishes,

Val78
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itgirl
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 4 years living together
Posts: 195



« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2013, 01:08:35 AM »

thank you for all your advice.  I have spoken to my mom and told her to delete any text messages she receives and to not take any calls from my ex.  My mom said she had bad things to say about me so I can only wonder what she has been telling other people if she can tell my own mom.

is extreme jealousy a trait of BPD?
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Octoberfest
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Posts: 717


« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2013, 01:34:50 AM »

thank you for all your advice.  I have spoken to my mom and told her to delete any text messages she receives and to not take any calls from my ex.  My mom said she had bad things to say about me so I can only wonder what she has been telling other people if she can tell my own mom.

is extreme jealousy a trait of BPD?

I don't think I would call it jealousy... .

From my understanding and perspective, the things that pwBPD do that affect other, positively OR negatively, generally have little to do with the particular people.  My dBPDexgf cheated on me throughout our relationship; almost exclusively emotionally.  It wasn't about making me feel bad or trying to hurt me, it was because she craved the attention and validation that someone thought she was worth something.  Even though her actions hurt ME, they were about HER, if that makes any sense.

I would venture Your BPDex lashing out has more to do with some sort of validation for herself, rather than making an effort to hurt you.  Them trying to get you away from your best friend may be because they view that person as "the reason" you guys split, or they see them as a threat for your attention.  Your BPDex may just be trying to "protect her interests", even if you guys are not together anymore.  And again, the reasons for this have to deal with THEMSELVES, not YOU.
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“You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.” - Winston Churchill
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itgirl
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 4 years living together
Posts: 195



« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2013, 03:36:39 AM »

Octoberfest - you make a valid point as she totally sees the best friend as the reason for the split.  although I only limited seeing my BF twice a week at the gym.  My BPDEx tried to isolate me from my close friends. 

But why if she broke up with me, moved 1400 KM away, does she still want my attention?  I don't understand how you can break up with someone but still want them in your life almost 24 x 7.  I ignored her for less than 2 days and all hell broke loose. 
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Octoberfest
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« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2013, 04:20:38 AM »

Octoberfest - you make a valid point as she totally sees the best friend as the reason for the split.  although I only limited seeing my BF twice a week at the gym.  My BPDEx tried to isolate me from my close friends. 

But why if she broke up with me, moved 1400 KM away, does she still want my attention?  I don't understand how you can break up with someone but still want them in your life almost 24 x 7.  I ignored her for less than 2 days and all hell broke loose. 

PwBPD's GREATEST fear is being alone. Alone to deal with the thoughts in their mind- a dark place.  They are terrified of abandonment... . they latch onto people and do not let go; until they find another to do so to. She may geographically be very far away, but not emotionally   
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“You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.” - Winston Churchill
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