Checked his Facebook

[flowergnome]

So uBPDbf is coming home in 2 hours and I'm telling him to move out.  I just did a not so good thing which was went on his computer and checked his Facebook messages (in the past, he's sent all kinds of crazy flirtatious stuff to other women).  Well, guess what, he's still doing that!  2 months ago he said "I want a secret affair" and "I just want to get some ass."  !  I'm actually not even mad and am not even going to mention this to him, but it just gives me yet another reason to end this pathetic relationship!  I am doing the right thing!

I'll post later and let you know how this goes.  Thanks for the support.  Maybe it won't even be so bad b/c the passion is gone from our relationship and we are basically roommates now anyway. 

[Newton]

Hey flowergnome ... . I'm sorry you've discovered such disrespectful behaviour.

Make sure you keep in touch and let us know how this went... .

Do you have a timescale in mind for when you want/need him to go?... . What do you anticipate his reaction will be to your decision?... .

[flowergnome]

Thanks Newton... . well the sooner the better but I am hoping he can find somewhere else to live by the end of the month.  His part time job at a school is ending this week so nothing else is tying him here.  He could move in with his parents or even go see his son who lives in another state.

I think his reaction may be "fine.  I'll move out."  (We already had this conversation 2 weeks ago, only I ended up telling him not to leave.)  He may say that in the beginning but later when he realizes I'm serious this time he might freak out and beg me to give him another chance.  We'll see!  But I am really serious this time!

I'm so grateful this community is here... . it has been so helpful to me.

[Clearmind]

flower, look after you and your needs. You sound like you gone to the nth degree to make this work and then we hit a wall - and know its time to move forward.

Check back in with us.

[paul16]

He sounds like an ass. I'm sure you deserve better.

[leftbehind]

I agree with Paul16.  Hang in there, you're almost out!

[flowergnome]

Thanks for the support.  I didn't mention but also on Facebook 3 months ago he messaged a girl he used to date and had a long conversation telling her he still loved her and wished he had never let her go.  Blah blah blah.  She seemed a little wary... . " why were you so hot and cold with me?" etc.  Probably because he showed the same crazy BPD behavior with her also.  I think about maybe sending her a message to watch out for him!  I don't think she would actually get with him, plus she lives in Hawaii, but who knows.  The thing is I know he's gonna go out and find another "victim".  I hope he can get therapy instead.  I told him I thought he had BPD symptoms before... . he kinda just ignored me.  His therapist had no clue, probably because he turned on his "happy face" when he went there.  Oh well, I'm done worrying about him.

[Clearmind]

Flower, I also looked at my ex's FB - it was a play ground for him of non-reality.

He kept all messages and chat transcripts dating back eons. At the time it hurt and now I see it for what it is - a desperate need to connect to others because he feels so incredibly empty.

I now exercise compassion for his illness and understand that his need is his need and has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Be kind to you.