Mother with uBPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone,

I am so desperately glad I found this group. I have been in therapy dealing with the personal fallout from what I now suspect is my mother's uBPD for 2+ years but still felt so completely alone. It's so hard to explain to anyone else what I went through as a  kid, especially without having an "official" diagnosis. My former therapist and my marriage counselor both strongly suspect BPD as a likely culprit, though, and all your stories sound very familiar. I guess you would call my dad an enabling spouse, but he had his own significant problems. He had a terrible temper and would rage at us and my mom pretty often. At the same time he would sympathize with me over how my mom treated me but say it was just how she was. He never seriously tried to get us help but he would yell at her in front of me about what a monster she was.

I have been NC with my parents (still married) since October 2011. It has been the best decision I could have ever made. I've repaired my marriage, gone back to school to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a teacher and finally gotten up the courage to start my own family and believe I could be a good mother.

But now that I am pregnant, I feel a ton of pressure (mostly internal but also from family) to reconcile with my parents. I had a breakdown last night, which is how I ended up finding the group. I have one younger brother who admits our childhood was tough but "not that tough" basically. He thinks it is our Christian duty to honor our parents and forgive them for everything. He doesn't judge me but he doesn't understand either. Having him not really believe the BPD diagnosis makes me feel even crazier, even though I think he is dealing with his experience by basically building a wall around his feelings. (For example, he's 30 and has never had a significant relationship).

Thanks for listening and I look forward to interacting with the group.

[anniereed8002]

Hi everyone,

I am so desperately glad I found this group. I have been in therapy dealing with the personal fallout from what I now suspect is my mother's uBPD for 2+ years but still felt so completely alone. It's so hard to explain to anyone else what I went through as a  kid, especially without having an "official" diagnosis. My former therapist and my marriage counselor both strongly suspect BPD as a likely culprit, though, and all your stories sound very familiar. I guess you would call my dad an enabling spouse, but he had his own significant problems. He had a terrible temper and would rage at us and my mom pretty often. At the same time he would sympathize with me over how my mom treated me but say it was just how she was. He never seriously tried to get us help but he would yell at her in front of me about what a monster she was.

I have been NC with my parents (still married) since October 2011. It has been the best decision I could have ever made. I've repaired my marriage, gone back to school to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a teacher and finally gotten up the courage to start my own family and believe I could be a good mother.

But now that I am pregnant, I feel a ton of pressure (mostly internal but also from family) to reconcile with my parents. I had a breakdown last night, which is how I ended up finding the group. I have one younger brother who admits our childhood was tough but "not that tough" basically. He thinks it is our Christian duty to honor our parents and forgive them for everything. He doesn't judge me but he doesn't understand either. Having him not really believe the BPD diagnosis makes me feel even crazier, even though I think he is dealing with his experience by basically building a wall around his feelings. (For example, he's 30 and has never had a significant relationship).

Thanks for listening and I look forward to interacting with the group.

[Being Mindful]

Hello annie,



I am so glad you found us and sorry to hear how you have struggled with both of your parents. It sounds like you have been taking good care of yourself in therapy, and goals for yourself. I'm sure it was a difficult road to go NC. Good for you for finding yourself and a special congratulations on your pregnancy.

It is so hard for people that don't understand BPD to comprehend the negative experiences we've been through and how difficult recovery is. You've taken a great step in finding us and reaching out with your first post. ALL of us understand this journey. There is no judgment or denial here... . only support.

I thought of this book when I read your post. Have you read it?

Surviving a Borderline Parent

With the amount of pressure you feel regarding reconnecting with your parents, I would like to suggest to take time to really explore this. There is no rush that I can think of. You have done a lot of work to heal and repair yourself and its so important to recognize this and put your health, the health of your baby and marriage as a first priority.

Also, if you decide to reconnect, before you do we can help you learn boundaries and other skills to keep you safe and protect the relationship with you parents.

Do your parents know you are pregnant?

Are they trying to reconnect with you?

Keep reading and posting here. I'm looking forward to hearing from you and learning how we can help.

Being Mindful