Keep doing what I'm doing and check in once and a while

[Murbay]

Had an appointment with my T today and while I'm still very much struggling with pain and emotions, my head is where it should be at in terms of what I need to do for myself and being able to move forward.

It is confusing because I have looked inwards, and identified the reasons I ended up in the marriage I did and although I doubt myself too much, T believes I have hit the nail on the head and shouldn't doubt my perceptions. It's important to focus on the red flags I have identified, not only from my marriage but also from my past too and use those to set up healthy boundaries.

His only concern for me is that I might set up too many boundaries, that I shut everybody out. For now, I'm just to keep doing what I'm doing, learn to discard other peoples emotional baggage that they try and place on me and not doubt myself as much. So for now, he doesn't need to see me on a regular basis but to check in from time to time to reassess where I'm at.

[seeking balance]

Sounds like you are on track and working through the process.   

His only concern for me is that I might set up too many boundaries, that I shut everybody out.

When I finally started dating again, my boundaries were more like barbed-wire fortress.  Not bad, but definitely did go a bit the other extreme when I first started thinking of being vulnerable again.  I called my T, did a check in and let go a bit, it is all a journey.

Peace,

SB

[Clearmind]

Murbay, I get you! When I learnt about boundaries I would over do it too. But its OK. In time and when you become confident you then scale it back to a comfortable level.

Its also accepting that boundaries will get busted - self trust will help you pull those boundaries out when you need them - you can protect yourself.