Feeling like Alice in Wonderland

[cerequas]

New here.  Several extended family members have PDs, including my dad has BPD.  I feel like Alice in Wonderland except I dont get to wake up and go back up the rabbit hole.

Before I "discovered" PDs I thought I was going crazy in dealing with these people.

I started to really doubt my own cognitive sanity which is saying something.

Its very hard not have any (psychologically) healthy family members, except my husband.  And I dont feel like I can really talk about this stuff with "regular" people.

Thanks

[VeryFree]

Hi cerequas! 

It's hard to live among pwPD. One of the most difficult things for me was the isolation: not being able to share your thoughts with others and therefore circling around in a disordered environment.

You have found the right place to talk about your experiences with PD. We all have been there.

Feel free to share your story.

[Grey Kitty]

  cerequas,

You have found a place where people DO understand what you are going through. Because we have gone through similar or if not identical things. I remember that I was starting to wonder if maybe my wife was right in the crazy things she was saying to me... . then I found these forums, and found my way back to strength and sanity. It was a real lifeline for me!

If you are just starting to learn about PDs, this video should help:

Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Can you tell us more about your family members (esp. those with PDs)?

How much contact do you have with them?

What are you having trouble dealing with?

Wishing you peace,

 GK

[Eureka1]

Cerequas

I too thought I was crazy because no one seemed to notice how disordered my uBPD sis was.  If I tried to talk about it with people who did not have a family member with a PD, they would say things like "She is your sister.  You know you love your sister." 

I wish there had been the internet when I was growing up.  I would have discovered through forums such as these that I was not insane, but my sister sure was. 

The healing continues for me and I have good days and bad days.  Don't get discouraged.  Knowledge is power.

[Levi78]

My half brother and I like to joke that we are "orphans." Our mother is uBPD and had colossally bad judgement in men. (Neither of us are close to our fathers.) When people ask me about my family, all I share is that I have a brother and a 95-year-old grandmother. I can't relate to people with happy family backgrounds at all... . And I DETEST Mother's Day.

However, I've been able find joy with my husband and children. I try to focus on that and just live in the present. Setting boundaries with my mother was incredibly important. My life has improved tremendously since I went LC. (low contact)

You're not alone. Lots of us "orphans" out there. 

[cerequas]

Thanks everyone!  I really appreciate all your replys.  Including feeling like an "orphan".  I read an article written by someone whose mother had alzheimers, and one line stuck out for me, "How do you grieve for somone who is still alive?".

I was an only child, so I dont have any siblings either.  Another interesting thing is both my parents did their best when I was growing up, and I do have some happy memories from my childhood. But once I became an adult, and especially after I became a parent myself, they moved away and pulled away.  They never called me or visited.  And even when my family and I visited them, it always felt awkward and perfunctory.  They didnt even interact with my kids much (their only grandchilren), although I'm  sure they loved them.

Then my mom died suddenly from cancer alomst 2 years ago, so now my dad is pretty much alone. He lives over 5 hours away from me in a very remote, small town. He has no family of his own out there (its the town my mom grew up in) and really no friends, for the reasons you can probably imagine.

And since my mom died, its even harder to be around him. Luckily I havent seen a rage attack in a whie. But he is very prickly to be around, and seems to be emitting a lot of negative energy (I dont know how else to put this, is this a part of BPD or something else?). And he has definetly gotten more obseesive. If I take the "wrong" glass out of the cupboard he'll call me on it.

And its also my opinion that my mom had schizoid PD, and gave new meaning to words emotional repression.  And my husbands family is like going from the frying pan into the fire. But I can post more aout that another time.

So I not only feel like and "orphan" but like an alien.

Thamks again

Jennifer C

[Grey Kitty]

cerequas, I'm glad you've found the company of others who share your feeling of being an "orphan". You'll find many more, including senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

Wishing you peace and healing,

 GK