Doomed to failure?

[xeritos]

Hey, I'm new here the last couple days. I found you after searching the symptoms my uBPDw exhibits and believed that she very likely has BPD. She found/read my first couple posts on here and was hurt/furious. Then she calmed down about it, then she got worked up about something else, let out a big secret she'd been keeping that was extremely hurtful, and then she "broke" and is in a state of Clarity. She took time to sit down with me, and agrees that she exhibits the signs of BPD as well.

So I've been doing research on my role as the NON and found that, we may be in the "Stereo-typical" NPD/BPD relationship. I don't feel like I had the sort of childhood that is said to cause NPD, but it definitely does describe a lot of my actions and feelings, but not all of them. What I'm afraid of is that the Internet paints a very gloom picture for the possibility of having a consistently healthy relationship.

In all reality I really don't care if people want to say we can't have a healthy relationship because, at the end of the day, I love her more than I've ever loved anyone, she's my best friend and I'm happy that I know her, regardless of her mental state. I'm always this way as well, I never get into the line of "ugh why do I have to deal with this, I hate this woman." I always accept her as she is, and I always forgive her for every wrong doing, it's how I was raised to love.

I would still like to hear other opinions on the matter though, and thoughts of other people (possibly other NPD/BPD couples) to see if we have a chance to smooth the pavement, or if we'll constantly be hitting pot holes and replacing tires our entire life.

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[Cloudy Days]

I've had this question too. I don't like to think of myself as NPD, but looking at Schema's I defiantly have the Lonely child set of characteristics which points at NPD. I found this thread very helpful and I am defiantly a lonely child. You have to read a little bit to get to the part about NPD. I am going to post another article about the Lonely child and BPD relationship. Again, it's not very uplifting but it can open your eyes to how you act and how she acts. All I know is that I love my husband and I love him with all his flaws. It's hard and it's exhausting, but I think if you really want it to work, then I don't see any reason why it can't get better. I think both partners getting treatment can help a lot too. I used to see my husband as the only dysfunctional one but I have come to realize that I am about as dysfunctional as he is. We are very much the same, and very different at the same time.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.msg1548181

www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/13391054-lonly-child

[xeritos]

I'm extremely hopeful for our situation, but, isn't every non during the good times? She's very willing to agree to try things right now, and we're both going with the "Neither one of us are perfect" mind sets. Especially me. I think that's where our problems started, I'm pretty smart, and very quick to learn/understand new things. I'm usually right when engaged in an argument (that's not just my words, that's the words of several people who know me, including my wife), and that only serves to feed my NPD tendencies. It just hit her hard that first time she realized that I *wasn't* 100% perfect like she saw, as articles about BPD relationships say it starts.

If we can both start to view ourselves as flaws, and the cause of problems, as well as try and move forward by not looking at past mistakes each of us has made during our relationship, I think we have a chance. But like the eye of a hurricane it always seems like nothing could go wrong while the sun is shining so bright, until the other side hits you harder than ever.

I just hope when the storm starts again, we've both got our windows boarded up, and it's not as bad as the the articles I've read seem to predict.