Male BPD vs. Female BPD

[Tordesillas]

I know every case and individual is different and it might be impossible to generalize, but do you think one gender with BPD is more extreme in the trauma they seem to cause than the other? 

According to the research, BPD is more common in females, but it seems like the male cases I've read about from many of you are quite extreme.   

I would think males with BPD would be more prone to physical abuse which would certainly make them more dangerous to be with.  Do you think they're also more prone to cheat than women with BPD?  Anything else?

[laelle]

Anyone can cheat BPD or not.  From what I have heard on this website alot of the men were drawn in by sexual women, and the women drawn in by romance and empathy.

I could be wrong here, but what does everyone else think?

[SurvivedLove]

I don't think the male BPD's are more prone to physical abuse than the female BPD's. Quite the opposite.

Because of their finely tuned ability to 'read' us and our needs, I actually think the male BPD's are way more prone to (and better at!) emotional abuse than the females.

Looking at it from a logical point (amazing that my logic works right now), it would make sense for them to use 'empathy' and emotions to reel us in - because a lot of non males don't do that. It's how they manage to stand out as the 'knight in shining armor', because were not USED to the intense interest/attention/way they see through us and 'feel the same way'.

[Clearmind]

It's not that BPD is less prevalent in men - men are less likely to seek psychiatric help and engage in the more outward coping skills like cutting.

[crystalclear]

After some comprehensive research, I believe statistics does support that BPD is more prevelant in women than men. However,  since this is a personality disorder many men can manage to overlook it and not seek help and most times this is seen along with other disorders like narcissist personality disorder in men.

I believe that my exbf has traits of NPD and BPD, but its just my understanding - too late to prove myself whether I am 100% correct in my assumptions.

[Bananas]

Cluster B Disorders seem to overlap a lot.  I think more men get diagnosed with NPD and more females BPD.  I think my exbf is BPD/NPD.  My therapist thinks he may also be ASPD.   

[Clearmind]

Borderlines generally have narcissistic traits but may not necessarily be diagnosed NPD.

[Tordesillas]

Is there anything that explains why some are prone to more extreme behaviour than others?  I've seen many consistencies in people's experiences with folks who have BPD but often the extremity varies.  Any idea why some are extreme cheaters while others may have just been overly flirty?  Why some might be more harsh in their verbal attacks while others are more restrained?  Etc... .

I considered myself to be fortunate with my exBPD girlfriend when I read some of the extreme circumstances you've all gone through on here.  I had thought maybe it was a gender thing but maybe its just variations of individuals? 

[Clearmind]

To be diagnosed BPD a person must fit 5 of the 9 criteria in the DSM. Raging is only one criteria. My ex (male) did not rage outward - he raged within - quiet Borderline. And he was not at all violent.

Borderlines are also people with distinct characteristics like you and I - pwBPD are not all alike and there will be variations.

Its quite amazing how many of us have traits just like our ex's. Many ex's here are undiagnosed and may not be BPD at all.

[Inside]

My 'learned observations' are that men with BPD drift toward Narcissism, whereas, in my case at lest, former udBPDgf meshes with the majority (if not all) of Histrionic PD traits, with many behaviors that appear to parallel BPD.  I wonder if this is common?

Also keep in mind, there is a distinction between ‘high’ and ‘low’ functioning BPD’s.  My experience was with the higher functioning …which I’d like to think is why ‘we’ lasted longer.  Interviews I’ve watched with regular, or low functioning BPD’s have left me wondering how anyone would spend ten minutes with them  

I wonder how much common ground there is between the two?  Mine wasn’t a cutter, but she would throw fits.  Wasn’t a drunk, but preferred to function on alcohol.  Has held down a good job, though hates it and her co-workers.  Hadn’t been caught cheating, but her behavior lost my trust… 

Personally, I’ve not knowingly met a male with BPD, I’ve only read about them here.  But I am on the lookout - for both.  Good question though.

[ComoLu]

My uxBPDH hit me once early on in our marriage.  I almost left him.  He never did hit me again.  He did have physical altercations with our then teenage son when I was not home.  The possibility exists with him... . I even stopped him from blasting his boss with a shotgun when he was fired, but it is not his usual behavior.  He drinks to cope, and from what I have read, more male BPD's come to be diagnosed through alcohol or drug rehab.  The research also strongly suggests that the prevalence of male BPD is has been underestimated, perhaps grossly, because our society is more accepting of many of the behaviors in men as opposed to women. 

[bpdspell]

You can't generalize by gender... . but... .

I've been on and off these boards for 2 years and it seems like the borderline males usually have really strong narc traits to the point where BPD and NPD can feel indistinguishable. I believe my ex was both. He had such an entitled, blovated, self-centered way about himself but at the same time he was low-functioning, extremely impulsive, incredibly needy, and no core personality other than being a bully, bossy, controlling and blathering on and on and on and on about himself... .

I once thought he was intelligent... . but now I see him as more conniving.

The males seem to be more prone to violence, controlling, emotionally abusive and all around angry because it's often the most acceptable emotion for men to express. Many male borderlines are in prison for Domestic Violence and many are the type you have to get a restraining order against.

Just my opinion though.

[momtara]

It seems like the women are more into 'painting black,' from my perspective.  Also, these BPD women seem to really be able to get men hooked on them.

[flatspin]

Their behaviour may also depend on their comorbid disorders in case they do have one. My ex-wife was diagnosed BPD and bipolar. Furthermore, too often, she wouldn't take her meds for bipolar disorder because she said that they made her put on weight. I could tell that whenever she was taking them, she was a totally "different" person overnight. It was impressive !

She was obsessed by her weight and was delighted, flattered when men were hitting on her. I guess that it must be quite a feminine trait.

[Clearmind]

It seems like the women are more into 'painting black,' from my perspective.  Also, these BPD women seem to really be able to get men hooked on them.

Possibly however I was hooked my ex (male) to addiction level and also painted black numerous times. Silent treatment was incessant.

What is the same for one is not the same for another. All Borderlines are not alike or behaviours gender specific.

[LetItBe]

It seems like the women are more into 'painting black,' from my perspective.  Also, these BPD women seem to really be able to get men hooked on them.

Possibly however I was hooked my ex (male) to addiction level and also painted black numerous times. Silent treatment was incessant.

My ex (male) was/is VERY seductive, and I was also hooked to addiction level and painted black repeatedly.  There were no gray areas with him.  He was never physically abusive at all.  He expressed his anger in a passive-aggressive way... . silent treatments, withholding affection, etc.

[Bananas]

It seems like the women are more into 'painting black,' from my perspective.  Also, these BPD women seem to really be able to get men hooked on them.

Possibly however I was hooked my ex (male) to addiction level and also painted black numerous times. Silent treatment was incessant.

My ex (male) was/is VERY seductive, and I was also hooked to addiction level and painted black repeatedly.  There were no gray areas with him.  He was never physically abusive at all.  He expressed his anger in a passive-aggressive way... . silent treatments, withholding affection, etc.

the same for me.  i knew my ex had a bad temper from his friends and family but he hid it from me well.  i got the silent rage. 

[KellyO]

I red somewhere (no idea where it was) that NPD and BPD might actually be one disorder: Men get diagnosed as NPD and women as BPD. It might be cultural: men are raised to be less emotional, so they turn to be NPD, where as women are "allowed" to be more emotional and so they turn to BPD. This was just my 2 cent.

[VeryFree]

What's the use of giving a label?

The only use is to get possibly insurance-money to seek T.

If the pwPD doesn't want T, there's no reason in labeling.

For the NON it's enough to see behaviours that aren't healthy and maybe (partly) fit in the description of NPD/BPD.