Question for those who have stayed.

[Sharkey167]

Hi guys, have any of you broken up with you SO and then gotten back together because it hurt so much that you were apart and ultimately things got better or was it essentially the same?  Moderators feel free to move this if it's the wrong section.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[eeyore]

The break up make up cycle is actually a common question. 

Here is a link to the workshop:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95860.0

There are so many factors that determine what could happen no one can predict the future.  Try to concentrate on what you need vs. what you want.  When I say you need I mean take care of yourself first. 

[Sharkey167]

The break up make up cycle is actually a common question. 

Here is a link to the workshop:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95860.0

There are so many factors that determine what could happen no one can predict the future.  Try to concentrate on what you need vs. what you want.  When I say you need I mean take care of yourself first. 

I've read these before. I never got back together with her or recycled but there was an annual local event that made me really miss her and I was more having a "did I make the right choice?" moment.

[eeyore]

Live is too short to live looking backwards... . go forwards and make yourself happy.

[thinkingthinking]

I did separate from my BPDh for about 4 months, and then decided to give it another try as he promised to make changes, go to therapy, etc.  The first couple of months were "fine", but after that old habits and behaviors returned. Before I knew it, I was feeling exhausted by the whole relationship again. Almost a year from the date of our first separation, we separated again and are now in the process of divorcing.

There is no doubt that i still second guess myself at certain times, and it takes a lot of work to keep pushing forward.  But I can see that the same thing will continue to recur if we stay together.  I need to be a better to myself, and he needs to learn to take care of himself. Together this is just not possible.

There will always be things you will miss, and it is not like our BPD SO's are all bad or all good.  Just remember that you want a relationship that encourages both of you to grow in the long run; not one that provides a roller coaster of "happy" and anxiety.

[Vindi]

you break up for a reason, cuz you know things are not working out.

many years back in a different relationship... . I "used" to try to get back together, and things were great for a few months, then back to the same ol' same ol'... . and we did end up breaking up for good

[benny2]

We broke up, I moved out a year ago and since have been trying to make things work. We went through many silent treatments, which I thought were break ups but now I know the difference. Without professional help, I think change is not likely.