Borderline waif stbexw looks old

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Since I filed for 7 months ago for the first time yesterday I sat down with my stbex briefly at our daughters softball game just trying to be nice - basic, short conversation.  I looked at my wifes face - here used to be what I thought was the most beautiful woman in the world.  While she still has a nice body - she is just now paper thin (almost anorexic looking) and when I looked at her face she looked like an older woman with wrinkles and lines all over and breakouts like a teen - While the makeup could try to hide it I could see it so clearly in my eyes - it made me sad - while this breakup has actually helped my physical appearance by some weight loss (stress) it seemed to make her look old and ragged in her face - I also noticed her hair doesn't shine or flow like it used to - and her eyes no longer had a sparkle in them - maybe its just me detaching - but it did made me sad.

[cal644]

Since I filed for 7 months ago for the first time yesterday I sat down with my stbex briefly at our daughters softball game just trying to be nice - basic, short conversation.  I looked at my wifes face - here used to be what I thought was the most beautiful woman in the world.  While she still has a nice body - she is just now paper thin (almost anorexic looking) and when I looked at her face she looked like an older woman with wrinkles and lines all over and breakouts like a teen - While the makeup could try to hide it I could see it so clearly in my eyes - it made me sad - while this breakup has actually helped my physical appearance by some weight loss (stress) it seemed to make her look old and ragged in her face - I also noticed her hair doesn't shine or flow like it used to - and her eyes no longer had a sparkle in them - maybe its just me detaching - but it did made me sad.

[confetti]

 

That's very sad - she has a lot going on internally and externally.

Stress can age you very quickly.

[wowjer]

same situation for me.  dont know the answer, but i have said the same about my exuBPDw. 

she could be using drugs for all i know or maybe she is just becoming more her waif self. 

i hope she isnt using drugs as we have children, but all I can do is talk to my kids about any concerns they have.  good luck to ya

[slop]

I noticed the same exact thing with my BPD-ex. I was first with her when she was 29, vivacious, full of life, beautiful. Towards the end, when she was 34, while there's obviously going to be some aging, it was way drastic. Her body was still perfect (she used to be a competitive gymnast and has been a yoga instructor on the side for the last 10 years), her face had gotten puffy, wrinkled and almost zombified with the lack of life in her eyes - a spark she used to have that just disappeared over time. Her hair, which was a thick luxurious mane of bright natural blonde, had become haggard and almost seemed to have been falling out. It was sad, but maybe it was bound to happen.

[findingmyselfagain]

My exunBPDf Waif also seemed(s) to look older than she really was. Her appearance changed/(s) a lot. After the b/u I think maybe I just noticed it more. You can really see how the internal stress wears on her. I'm angry with her to some degree, but I seem to be able to feel more compassionate without getting hooked into trying to rescue her or demonstrate my caring to her. That's a huge step for me. It's very sad and troubling that anyone would have to deal with what a pwBPD deals with. I can only imagine life must be very different and very scary for them. We have to get out of the way though, and let them rise or fall on their own two feet. I'm not holding my breath, but I think I'd be ok with contact in the future if she is able to overcome her illness and make amends. It may just not be possible. That's been the hard part for me to get over b/c I can usually get along with and have a rational conversation with anybody on God's green earth.

[Cumulus]

I think the people I care about are the most beautiful people in the world. I look past the scraggly hair, wrinkles and splotches and just see what I love about them.  But take away the love and they are just ordinary aging people. Do you think that might be a part of the reason why your ex seems to have physically deteriorated so rapidly?

[cal644]

I do think that maybe I noticed this as I am starting to detach. It is sad, she used to be this beautiful woman who had this perfect smile.  Now I see this worn out person and I see now just as others see that she has prefected that smile as part of her mask.  It is not a true genuine smile - of I love life, I love myself, it is a robotic smile of see how beautiful I am on the outside - because I don't want you to see what I look or feel like inside.

[slimmiller]

I have asked myself that as well. If its just more visible as I detach but then I have also seen her with the new 'love of her life' (number 2 since our breakup) and in some of those pics she looks like a million bucks. All painted up, bright eyed, slutty clothe (She is 33, he 23 and a foreign exchange student) and yet there is a deadness in her eyes. As someone mentioned, the smile is a mask that I can now see through.

Its not her sagging body parts that make her ugly (she still is attractive in a purely physical sense) its her heart and soul thats sour, bitter and empty.

Yes I do feel genuine sadness for her. Her current 'props' she uses to ensnare are fleeting

[Murbay]

I saw a picture of my ex today, she posted it up on my daughters Facebook and also set it to public.

I think her goal for this week is for me to see the comments people are posting about her, and how they care about her. Not surprising when the world heard how I walked out in the middle of the night and abandoned her and the children.

However, what I noticed was how anorexic she looks right now. She is literally skin and bones and that does make me sad. That part of me wants so badly to reach out to her especially since she tries to engage each week, not only for her but also for the children. She doesn't look anything like the person she once was (part of that might have been down to the diazepam, oxycodone, percocet, dilaudid etc... . that she has been taking for the past 18 months)

I saw many pictures of her over the years and this resembles some of them, what she used to refer to as the "difficult" stages of her life. Anybody can write comments but the visual evidence of how it is affecting them cannot be denied and it makes me sad.