FOO is at a crossroads; police and social services involved

[Depression = 72% of members]

It finally happened.  

The cops showed up at my FOO'S door and hauled my elderly hermit-BPD grandmother off to a nursing home.  Took pictures of the house.  Threatened to arrest my mom and her brothers for elder abuse.  They won't even let them visit my grandmother without someone in the room with them.  

Now they either have to make drastic changes to their lives, or things will get a thousand times worse for them.  I'm not counting on the former.  

Part of me is relieved.  Part of me is very scared.  

She needed to be pulled out, but she will not do well in the nursing home.  Everything that happened is everything my grandmother was pathologically afraid of (all her secrets revealed) and it must be traumatic for her.  

I can't do anything.  I live 200 miles away and have no money.  I'm not sure what I could do that isn't throwing time/effort/money/hope/sanity into a black hole for nothing.

My mom told me about all this on FB and I don't even know how to react.  She is playing victim.  I can't even muster the energy to validate her, because everything is their own fault. I just feel numb about all of them.

I need help on how to handle this... . how do I support them constructively?  Especially when I have no hope for them?  

[Weird Fishes]

It finally happened.  

The cops showed up at my FOO'S door and hauled my elderly hermit-BPD grandmother off to a nursing home.  Took pictures of the house.  Threatened to arrest my mom and her brothers for elder abuse.  They won't even let them visit my grandmother without someone in the room with them.  

Now they either have to make drastic changes to their lives, or things will get a thousand times worse for them.  I'm not counting on the former.  

Part of me is relieved.  Part of me is very scared.  

She needed to be pulled out, but she will not do well in the nursing home.  Everything that happened is everything my grandmother was pathologically afraid of (all her secrets revealed) and it must be traumatic for her.  

I can't do anything.  I live 200 miles away and have no money.  I'm not sure what I could do that isn't throwing time/effort/money/hope/sanity into a black hole for nothing.

My mom told me about all this on FB and I don't even know how to react.  She is playing victim.  I can't even muster the energy to validate her, because everything is their own fault. I just feel numb about all of them.

I need help on how to handle this... . how do I support them constructively?  Especially when I have no hope for them?  

[hopeforhealing]

Wow.  That is really heavy and I'm sorry you're confronted with it.  How are you feeling, and what are your options?

[Clearmind]

Best way to support is to listen and not enable.

How much support are you willing to give?

[Weird Fishes]

Hi hopeforhealing and clearmind;

At first I was really scared when I heard, and my mind went to all sorts of places... . like will any of them kill themselves?  Or will my violent uncle pull something against the other two?  Now I'm a little less catastrophic.  Just sad. 

I am still worried about my grandmother, but despite her histrionics maybe she'll settle in the home.  She'll get the care she needs plus lots of attention.

I'd like to talk to a case worker but my mother claims there isn't one... . maybe explain the dynamics as I see it.  If that does any good.

My mom hasn't asked for any help and probably won't, and I don't know what I could do.  I don't want to be involved with them but I don't know where my responsibility begins if I have any.  I feel like I do, because I'm the only one who can function (SEE ALSO: my disastrous romantic relationships lool). 

Thanks for listening.  I was really freaked out yesterday and needed to talk to someone.

[Clearmind]

Its interesting because I'm going through a similar thing accept its my BPD aunt who cannot cope with my grandmother being moved to high care.

The home will know soon enough how to cope - they would have seen it all. Its important she gets care if she is elderly. You will know in your gut whether you have enabled too much WF. I understand the obligation you feel - if it is consuming you then it maybe time to take a step back a little.

You matter.