Quite possibly the lamest text of all time

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I find this funny, maybe that's a good thing?

So I am on LC with my uBPD/NPDex only because we work together.  He never really broke up with me in that we never talked about anything regarding ending the relationship.  I found out from a 3rd party that he was moving in with another woman.  When I tried to talk to him about it I only got a few hateful texts and emails about how "he has nothing to say to me", he has "moved on", I "need to get over it" and "i ruined his life".  We were friends for a year and then dated for two.

So at work he alternates in between acting like we are friends, evil looks, and totally ignoring me.  He has pretty much been ignoring me for the last three weeks.  won't even look at me.  the last contact i got from him (on work email) was to not email, text or call him ever again because he is living with someone else. 

So today I get a text from him and this is what it says... .   drum roll please... .


"hi"


that was it.  i was tempted to respond with something sarcastic but i just deleted it.   so bizarre!

 

[Bananas]

I find this funny, maybe that's a good thing?

So I am on LC with my uBPD/NPDex only because we work together.  He never really broke up with me in that we never talked about anything regarding ending the relationship.  I found out from a 3rd party that he was moving in with another woman.  When I tried to talk to him about it I only got a few hateful texts and emails about how "he has nothing to say to me", he has "moved on", I "need to get over it" and "i ruined his life".  We were friends for a year and then dated for two.

So at work he alternates in between acting like we are friends, evil looks, and totally ignoring me.  He has pretty much been ignoring me for the last three weeks.  won't even look at me.  the last contact i got from him (on work email) was to not email, text or call him ever again because he is living with someone else. 

So today I get a text from him and this is what it says... .   drum roll please... .


"hi"


that was it.  i was tempted to respond with something sarcastic but i just deleted it.   so bizarre!

 

[Surnia]

You did well to delete it! 

Sounds like a recycle attempt. I would be prepared for more.  How is it for you? Is the rs for you really finished?

[leftbehind]

Good for you, Bananas!  These people really are too much.  My ex sent me a text last week saying, "I hope you have lots of kick ass stuff going on in your life!"  This after he threatened to call the police a couple of months ago when I went up to his house to confront him about the breakup.

I guess there is something wrong with their memory wiring.

Hang in there, and stay strong

[Clearmind]

Good for you in deleting it. Nothing good comes of responding to a open ended text.

[Bananas]

You did well to delete it! 

Sounds like a recycle attempt. I would be prepared for more.  How is it for you? Is the rs for you really finished?

Well we have to work together so I have to have a professional relationship with him.  And he is engaged.  So yes it is finished other than being co-workers. 

When I first joined this board I wasn't sure but now I am.  This site helped me with that.  I realize he has none of the qualities I would want for a SO or a friend for that matter.  Respect? No. Trust? No. Honesty? No. Accountability? No.  Empathy? No.

I still have bad days.  I miss the good that we had, I really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this person.  But I realize that it was just an illusion.  I was in love with a person that doesn't really exist. 



 

[doubleAries]

This past March, my bipolar/ASPD/NPD almost ex husband (final next week!) called the police on me to have me removed from my own house. Didn't work out like he planned (to say the least). 2 days later, on my birthday, he texted me "happy birthday". I couldn't believe it. Like you, I was tempted... . but in the end, I just deleted it and didn't respond at all.

I think the temptation to respond (especially with sarcasm) is a desire to defend ourselves--against something so incredibly jaw droppingly ludicrous it isn't really worth defending ourselves against. I don't regret the no response/delete reaction.

[Surnia]

Bananas

good to hear that you are sure about only be on a professional level as co-workers. It is easier to deal with such strange emails or messages knowing what you want.

Keep going!

[GreenMango]

In the DSM they mention lack of empathy - or impaired empathy - it encompasses more than just not caring about another persons feelings.  There is a component of not having an adequate appraisal of the effect of ones actions on others.  Like cause and effect.

Add a little impulsivity into the mix - and there you go inappropriate text messages.  Then the cycle can start all over again.  Pretty exhausting.

It's probably best not to pick that up unless you want to go another round.  Keep looking out for you.

[leftbehind]

In the DSM they mention lack of empathy - or impaired empathy - it encompasses more than just not caring about another persons feelings.  There is a component of not having an adequate appraisal of the effect of ones actions on others.  Like cause and effect.

this says it all.

[Bananas]

This past March, my bipolar/ASPD/NPD almost ex husband (final next week!) called the police on me to have me removed from my own house. Didn't work out like he planned (to say the least). 2 days later, on my birthday, he texted me "happy birthday". I couldn't believe it. Like you, I was tempted... . but in the end, I just deleted it and didn't respond at all.

I think the temptation to respond (especially with sarcasm) is a desire to defend ourselves--against something so incredibly jaw droppingly ludicrous it isn't really worth defending ourselves against. I don't regret the no response/delete reaction.

Wow dA that is unbelievable.  This lame texting was a pattern in my relationship w/ the ex for sure.  Periods of intense closeness and intimacy followed by periods of stone silence.  Silence would always be broken by a text as above "hi", "it's hot out today", "i just washed my car" or something else equally lame and stupid.  The thing is I learned to accept this as OK.  When I challenged it in the beginning of the r/s it was met with anger and more silence.  So like a trained seal I responded to these dumb texts like nothing was wrong and it was acceptable, so I could get my reward of things going back to being intimate and close.   

[doubleAries]

RIGHT?

And like GreenMango points out, in the DSM there is the talk of lack of empathy (especially for the ASPD's). But I have noticed that they are quite capable of connecting the dots when it comes to themselves! Every single thing you do "CAUSES" them to feel out of proportion emotions, but when they do something absolutely outrageous, they can be almost convincing that you are some kind of over-sensitive weirdo for having any reaction at all.

And yes, in order to stay, we have to normalize this behavior. Better yet--become filled with self doubt, that it really IS our fault, that they are normal and we are the over-sensitive jerks. Reacting to it, as if it really is legitimate in some way, only serves to confirm to them that they are right, and helps us practice more and more normalizing. So that we become as dysfunctional as they are, only in a little different way (as if intimacy and closeness are based on ignoring/tolerating being bullied emotionally).

Sometimes when stbx does or says something especially ludicrous, I change it in my mind--I picture that he has just screamed at me that my hair is made of lettuce, and picture me defending myself-- "NO IT'S NOT!" It makes it easier to blow it off and walk away chortling instead of angry.

[leftbehind]

 

Every single thing you do "CAUSES" them to feel out of proportion emotions, but when they do something absolutely outrageous, they can be almost convincing that you are some kind of over-sensitive weirdo for having any reaction at all.

And yes, in order to stay, we have to normalize this behavior. Better yet--become filled with self doubt, that it really IS our fault, that they are normal and we are the over-sensitive jerks. Reacting to it, as if it really is legitimate in some way, only serves to confirm to them that they are right,

This reminds me of the time that my uBPDexbf got cold and distant from me because I asked him to please stop drinking the unsweetened cranberry juice I had bought for myself because of a bout with cystitis.  He told me he felt like he was being lectured.  I apologized profusely, and went into a long song and dance about how I could only buy it at one place all the way across town, how it was about three times the price of the normal cranberry juice, and how it was the only thing that made me feel better (all true).  He was still mad about it anyway, but wasn't the type to act out.  Instead he would just withdraw intimacy and affection.

How moronic this all seems as I write it!

[snappafcw]

Just like a spoilt five year old leftbehind. Don't worry we don't realise at the time... .