Do YOU split your partner?

[4now]

I am just curious if others of you feel this way, that your partner is terrible and you just want to get away from him/her?  Do you yourself participate in the black and white thinking? I guess I wonder how normal it is to feel this way.  I know this is how they think, even after we might try and apologize or make things right.  Sometimes they can't let it go, while I can let things go and forgive quite easily. 

Sometimes in the middle of an argument or an "episode" I will start to feel like just running away and getting out of this r/s just so the pain will stop and I could begin to heal.  Do you feel this way too?  But for me, usually all I need is for him to make amends in some way and I can get over it.  But when he doesn't, I find myself dwelling on all the terrible things he has done and the hurt he has inflicted on me. 

I guess sometimes I wonder if I have picked up some really big fleas, if this is normal,or I have some strong BPD tendencies myself.  I have been in this for so long that sometimes I can't make sense of anything anymore.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Foreverhopefull]

It's normal human behaviour to mimic others (just notice if one person is in a bad mood, soon enough everyone they interact with will be in a bad mood too) and it's normal to feel like throwing in the towel.

When we feel hurt by someone , we want them to apologize so we don't feel "cheated" of our validation of being right and once that's done, it's over for us, we got our validation. With a pwBPD, you might be waiting for ever and never hear an apology. It's our role to be conscious of this and ask ourselves if we are OK with never hearing "sorry" or having this "episode" be brought back to life for the rest of your life.

We have to let go since they, more often than not, don't let it go.

It took me awhile to be OK with this fact and not feel cheated. I still wanna throw in the towel once in awhile, but I stick around each time in the end.

[bruceli]

Normal?  I believe so... . purely for the sake of our own survival... .

[sjm7411]

Oh yes, I can definitely relate to this.  I think to myself "I hate him", "I want a divorce", and other nasty things, and get a very depressed & hopeless feeling... . and then his personality flips around again and he becomes the sweet loving man I fell in love with and those feelings go away temporarily.  It really messes with my head. 

[bruceli]

Oh yes, I can definitely relate to this.  I think to myself "I hate him", "I want a divorce", and other nasty things, and get a very depressed & hopeless feeling... . and then his personality flips around again and he becomes the sweet loving man I fell in love with and those feelings go away temporarily.  It really messes with my head. 

Exactly... . holding tight right now waiting for the flip... . do I sound despirate or what?

[Linlu53]

While I def relate to this and have done it in the past. I feel that I have dealt with the bad end of the disorder so much, that I cannot enjoy when I'm experiencing the good end. My H can flip back and forth so quickly that I am always in a guarded mode. I want to be able to let my guard down and enjoy him at his best but I guess I just don't want to be let down again! I prob think about running away several times a day. But I guess at some point I need to start doing the real work of either saving the marriage and my own sanity or just cutting my losses and get out.

[4now]

This really helps--to hear other nons have these feelings too.  I don't know where his dysfunction ends and mine begins sometimes! 


I struggled with being able to enjoy him when things were good because it was only a matter of time before it all fell apart again.  This is easier when I can get and stay detached.  It is not sustainable, though.  Eventually I start to hope or think we've turned a corner, then wham-o.  This sets me back big time and I feel like I have to start all over again.  Get detached, which when he's being difficult is easy, but it's hard to get back to being detached and actually caring if things work or not.  I don't know if that makes any sense.  This does really mess with your head.  It's a terrible way to live, if you ask me!

[bruceli]

Hence forth why I am begining to hypothesize that in order to survive with them, we need to become like them... . SCARY.  When in Rome... . Right?