Ex-BPD Boyfriend Threatened Me

[LitaX007]

So I haven't spoken to my ex boyfriend who lives in SC since January after I found out he was going on dating sites trying to hook up with other girls. When I found out about that I called him up and calmly asked him where I stood since we were talking about getting back together after I had visited him in August. He was drunk and high and yelled at me, then hung out the phone.

In February I called up one of his good friends for advice. I had a feeling in my stomach that it wasn't a good idea but I didn't listen and told him what was going on. I was angry at the time but I was also afraid that he was really starting to do drugs again. He mentioned on one of the dating sites that he was rolling on ecstacy and looking for cocaine as well as posting pictures of the marijuana he had. He had also been drinking alot. I told his friend this and he was the one to tell me to move on. I told him not to mention our conversation and he said he wouldn't. I also let his mom know what was going on and showed her the site where he was talking about the drugs. She talked to him about without mentioning that it was me who told her and he took it down. She said she told him that if the cops found that site, he would get into trouble. I also started therapy in March in an attempt to move on from him.

In the middle of May, I received a request to be his friend on Facebook. I neither accpeted it nor denied, just hid it. I figured that since he hadn't contacted me in any way, there was no reason for me to initiate contact with him. When I saw the request, I looked at his Facebook page and he posted pictures of him smoking pot, doing ecstacy, and drinking. Around 12:30 a.m. on the 14th of this month I saw that he called me but he didn't leave a message. I didn't call him back and shut my phone off and went to bed. I turned my phone on later to check and see what time it was because I had to get up early and saw that he left 10 texts and 2 voicemails. The texts said that he was angry because he found out from his friend (the guy that I talked to back in February) told him I was calling him a pill head and a drug addict. He continued to degrade me (called me every single vile name you can think of and said how his new "girlfriend" was hotter than me) in the next 10 texts that he sent while I was at work and in one of the voicemails he threatened that he was coming up to NJ in July and was going to not only get his whole family to fight me (which isn't true), but he was going to come and slit my throat.

I'm going to put some things out there: I DID NOT engage him throughout the entire situation. I went to the police and filed a police report so they have that on record. I went to Verizon after and blocked his number along with a few others, and I blocked him on Facebook. I knew throughout the entire thing that he was lying throughout. He said he was clean for 6 months (a lie), he got a job (a lie) his "girlfriend" he said was the girl he cheated on me with a few years ago (a lie because she is happily in a relationship with another guy) his family was going to fight me (a lie since I spoken to them in March and they ALL said that I didn't deserve to be mentally and emotionally abused by him AND they have more things to worry about than his problems since they haven't spoken to him in a long time) and the finale... . he sent me a message on Facebook which I saw that morning and he said that if I didn't want to be friends with him on Facebook, then to remove his friends that I was friends with off of Facebook. He also went under his mother's Facebook page, deleted me, then sent me a message through her Facebook telling me to leave him alone ( this insulted my intelligence because he has done that twice to me and her spelling is A LOT better than his).

I'm not afraid of him. I'm 100% positive that he will not follow through with his threat. I just didn't think it would ever come to this type of severity. I didn't respond because I want to move on. I think he was trying to manipulate me into talking to him and when that didn't work he kept getting madder and madder. I made a mistake in talking to his friend. I'll admit it but at the time I was both angry, hurt and afraid. I don't want anything bad happening to him, but I want to move on. Just wanted to put that out there. Thoughts? Did I do the right thing?

[feelingcrazy7832]

If my ex contacted me and told me he would slit my throat I would get a restraining order. Thankfully this guy is not in the same state as you. If I were you, I would disengage from the entire family and his friends. It's just continuing to keep you connected with him. My ex was also a drug addict and you add a personality disorder on top of it and you have a person who is capable of violence.

[LitaX007]

The police officer told me that I could try get a protective order against him but the judge might not grant it because since he lives out of state that he wouldn't be considered as imminent danger. My ex is afraid of the police and I know he won't follow through, but I just wanted to go to the police so that they have evidence of what is going on.

[rollercoaster24]

Hi LitaX007,

You have done the right thing, he had no right to threaten your life, and don't take on board talking with his friend. You were recently in a relationship with this man, sharing his life and his friends and family.

Just because he decides to break up with you, you still have feelings of your own, and likely formed friendship with many significant people in his life, so those feelings don't just stop simply because he is not around to deal with them.

You have not done anything wrong, and cannot just turn off your feelings because he decided to move on with someone else, (which enables him to avoid looking at the real reasons for his very great pain). As you can see, he is supposedly ecstatic now right? His new 'hot' girlfriend, and here he is bragging on Facebook how many drugs he is doing, hmmm doesn't really sit with being happy to have moved on now does it, as if you were the reason for all his misery?

He is merely 'chasing the dragon' and it may well lead him back down to the murky depths of his soul, lets hope he can get himself out of it.

I can feel your concern that he is doing drugs, but violence is a big part of it.

I know, trust me.

I never found evidence that my ex BP was using meth, but all the signs were there, and still are, he was just too clever and sneaky, (plus unemployed with LOTS too much time on his hands for too long) to leave any proof lying around.

Last time I saw him, was the early hours of Monday morning, when he assaulted me, and at the same time, smashed my new phone, threw my car/house keys, bag, wallet, shoes, personal effects out into the pitch darkness. In the hours before that, (when he really flipped out in what I call yet another psychotic episode), he had been again trying to provoke me into yet another fight from the time I had arrived on the Sunday night at 6.30 pm.

I had done very well, practising that 'detachment', up until 1 am, when he woke me up, (already exhausted when I went to sleep after working all day).

I would normally just gather my things up, get up, and go home, and would be abused anyway, before and during my exit, so either way, I could never win. I did go to bed that night in my clothes, (luckily it was very cold out in his shed so I could use that as the excuse). I am also glad I did not respond to his sexual advances that night, about the only time I received any affection was immediately preceding this, so it would have hurt that much more in the way I was being treated.

Don't get me wrong, I am still incredibly attracted to him, likely always will be, but his aggression is a big turn off, more and more, and as I said, I was utterly exhausted at any rate.

When he woke me at 1 am, he was verbally abusing me, and I don't believe he really cared if I was awake and heard it, or asleep, immediately after calling me a selfish c**** and telling me I was only working for myself, and to F*** Off, he reached over and helped himself to my cigarettes yet again. As usual, he had no money left, and no smokes, so this was part of the reason for his foul temper, but what he said, really cut my heart in 2.

I got up and went outside, to pee, and decided I may as well have a smoke too, prepared for what was to come I guess, but still prepared to give him a chance to make good. He didn't.

I had been slowly cutting contact, seeing less and less of him, as they suggest here, because when I tried to give him more time, he would put me off, or act like a jerk the whole time I was with him.

Yet, he would still insist I had to make the effort to go stay with him, spending all the money on our relationship time together, and taking all his crap. He felt I owed him, and always did for some reason I could never meet.

Anyway, when I hobbled off at 3am down the hill he lived on, with his elderly parents, I hoped some neighbour would be up, so I could call the police after he threatened my life, and had assaulted me.

How ironic is this? The whole time, he was screaming to F*** off, but he made certain I couldn't anyway, how screwed up is that?

The police eventually came, after I managed to find a neighbour awake, they assisted me in retrieving my property, and BP was initially sitting in his carport, smoking all my smokes one after another!

At first, he tried the usual, minimising the damage he had done, saying I didn't have to go, and he was ever so concerned about my safety, NOT!

Then, when that didn't work, (surprise surprise!) he tried to paint me black. This kind of worked, and I couldn't believe it, however both officers were male, and in this country, I often hear the same complaint from women that have been abused by their partners.

I gathered what was left of my things, (with the help of the police) and eventually left, driving home at 4.15 am, very upset, crying, shaking and again heartbroken, but supposed to make it to work that morning by 6 am, and then two shifts later that day.

Needless to say, I did not make it to work that morning.

In the days that followed, I sent BP only 2 emails, he did not read them, however they were not full of abuse like any messages from him would be, they were merely closure for me again, or an attempt to.

I had phoned his parents, (of whom he often has conflict with) and informed his Mother that he had destroyed a phone/contract, which was going to cost me $3,000, she said she didn't have any money for me. I told her I did not want money, I wanted her to be aware that she needs to seek protection for herself and her husband at least. As her and I had discussed previously, and she had agreed, I was afraid to think that the next time the police visited there again, it would not be because BP had once again, harmed them physically, like he had already been doing lately (yet again) to his Father.

She did not want to know, and basically said she did not now believe her husband's statements. Strange, because she has been a witness to what her son is capable of, but she buries her head in the sand, and then goes to bed with the chain on her door, so her son cannot come in the middle of the night and murder both of them!

By Thursday, I had gotten over the very worst of it, and was starting to function a little better, having got a new phone, and people could get in contact with me again, (family, work, general business).

I was not expecting to hear from BP, however, predictably, he often rings when he runs out of money and cannot go anywhere.

On the Tuesday, he had been paid, and spent 2 nights in his nearby favourite city, 'sleeping in his car' in the middle of winter. I saw his car come down past my street, when I drove to work early on Thursday morning around 6 am, recognising his number plate. I looked in the rear vision, and watched him pull over on the opposite side of the road, just past my street, becoming concerned he would show up at my workplace and publicly humiliate me yet again. But he did not, he may well have gone to my place in my absence, and snooped around, possibly stealing things. I won't know easily because my son in law is pretty forgetful when it comes to leaving tools and stuff outside that can be stolen.

I believe BP had been off staying at some other woman's house, and was coming to check up on my whereabouts, to see if I was home, then he could feel justified in what he is doing himself. Sadly for him, he would not find anything anyway, but that would not stop him.

A man with no conscience can justify anything, as he had done before and still does.

I believe he is evil, and having recently spoken with Mental Health, as to a previous charge I found out about, they put notes down on his file way back then, suggesting that he is indeed a sociopath.

God, I am sorry, I have gone on way too long, LitaX007, just know amongst all this, that it is not your fault, likely you saw the beauty inside him, and clutched onto it with all your might, just like me, it was the demon that rules them though as if they are possessed.

I just did an exorcism, and it is starting to get better all the time... . Good luck to the both of us... .

[LitaX007]

I forgot to mention that he and his new girlfriend broke up in May. I don't know what the exact reason was but he proceeded to go onto Facebook and say that his girlfriend that he was messing with behind my back was now "the dirtiest girl in Greenville and to not trust her because she is a snitch." She was also 17 years old and he is 25 going on 26 in July.

[Rusalka]

All I want to say is wow, you did all the right things in not engaging and really stood up for yourself! That is so awesome! You are awesome!