Contact yet again. (Yep that 3 month one again)

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I haven't posted in a while on here, been doing alot better and happier, still read from time to time. But I have been working on myself and getting to a good place.

Anyway short summary, he built me up and dumped from a great height in Jan. I went strict NC, as he made it clear I was painted black and worthless to him.

He got in contact every 2 to 3 weeks until March, with immature and rude messages. I blocked the last attempt in March and haven't heard a peep until last night.

One pointless message saying. "Why wont ya jusy stop been a C**t and be woth me"  (yep a drunk txt) and why the hell he STILL got my number?

I deleted the text and ignored it, and have received nothing else 

Just weird, confusing, and just pointless. Hasn't set me back, but obviously has made me think of him more all over again. Luckily my heart didn't race anymore, which is a good sign I think. Shows I'm getting there.

Think it's the arrogance and just soo selfish 

Anyway rant over . Would like opinions though, don't think it's an recycle attempt? Just seeing if I'm still on my leash? Well I ain't and I'm running!

[Discarded26]

I haven't posted in a while on here, been doing alot better and happier, still read from time to time. But I have been working on myself and getting to a good place.

Anyway short summary, he built me up and dumped from a great height in Jan. I went strict NC, as he made it clear I was painted black and worthless to him.

He got in contact every 2 to 3 weeks until March, with immature and rude messages. I blocked the last attempt in March and haven't heard a peep until last night.

One pointless message saying. "Why wont ya jusy stop been a C**t and be woth me"  (yep a drunk txt) and why the hell he STILL got my number?

I deleted the text and ignored it, and have received nothing else 

Just weird, confusing, and just pointless. Hasn't set me back, but obviously has made me think of him more all over again. Luckily my heart didn't race anymore, which is a good sign I think. Shows I'm getting there.

Think it's the arrogance and just soo selfish 

Anyway rant over . Would like opinions though, don't think it's an recycle attempt? Just seeing if I'm still on my leash? Well I ain't and I'm running!

[Clearmind]

The conclusion would be: if it upsets you, you feel rattled, questioning motive or giving it an ounce of care - you maybe have not detached.

Not caring is fabulous - it will happen one day.

[Discarded26]

The conclusion would be: if it upsets you, you feel rattled, questioning motive or giving it an ounce of care - you maybe have not detached.

Not caring is fabulous - it will happen one day.

It just a natural reaction. I'm a person who question's everything and anything anyway. I'm a what, why how kind of person. Very cynical minded.

Just thought that was the end of it.

[Rose Tiger]

It sounds like more of a 'bad mommy' rant of an emotional two year old than a recycle.  Good on you for no heart racing reactions and kudos on the delete. 

[Discarded26]

It sounds like more of a 'bad mommy' rant of an emotional two year old than a recycle.  Good on you for no heart racing reactions and kudos on the delete. 

Yeah, probably thought about me for a second. Then back to forgotten again. I just see it as seeing if I will react and that I still 'care'

Shows he must live on a different planet anyway. If you treat people badly and throw them away. Don't expect them to be your weak back up when feel lonely and need attention.

[Rose Tiger]

You aren't forgotten, the emotional memory is what is lost.  They don't 'remember' having loving feelings towards you, what is happening is a momentary instant of panic, of feeling the deep void of emptiness. 

What gets nons caught up is thinking the loving feelings are returning.  Better to face facts and keep in mind, they don't feel the same way, their thought patterns and attachments are disordered.  Not their fault but we do need to protect ourselves and not get sucked into thinking they care about us.

[mcc503764]

What is it about the 3 month mark?  Mine finds a way to try and contact me quarterly as well... . this has been the pattern for the past 2 years anyhow... .

The mere fact that she does this, shows that she has not gotten any better.  Normal people would just leave this alone.  Old emotions are definitely stirred up, but I wouldn't necessarily say it's  because we haven't "detached."  I think that they haven't "detached?" or it's an obvious matter of convenience for them. 

The demise of the r/s is like a death.  We go through all of the grieving process and move forward.  We learn a life without them. The r/s has been buried and we've attended the funeral. 

And then you get a text or some form of contact from them.  And it's hard because old feelings get stirred up.  It's almost like someone who you've paid your final respect to has contacted you from beyond the grave? 

I really wouldn't call that an attempt to recycle?  I mean no disrespect to you, but I must say if those words he text to you make you think of him in a loving way, then why in the world would you allow yourself to be treated with such disrespect?

MCC

[Discarded26]

What is it about the 3 month mark?  Mine finds a way to try and contact me quarterly as well... . this has been the pattern for the past 2 years anyhow... .

The mere fact that she does this, shows that she has not gotten any better.  Normal people would just leave this alone.  Old emotions are definitely stirred up, but I wouldn't necessarily say it's  because we haven't "detached."  I think that they haven't "detached?" or it's an obvious matter of convenience for them. 

The demise of the r/s is like a death.  We go through all of the grieving process and move forward.  We learn a life without them. The r/s has been buried and we've attended the funeral. 

And then you get a text or some form of contact from them.  And it's hard because old feelings get stirred up.  It's almost like someone who you've paid your final respect to has contacted you from beyond the grave? 

I really wouldn't call that an attempt to recycle?  I mean no disrespect to you, but I must say if those words he text to you make you think of him in a loving way, then why in the world would you allow yourself to be treated with such disrespect?

MCC

Oh I never thought it was an attempt, even though it say's "to be with him" again? Just usual rubbish spouted from his mouth

I didn't think of him loving, all the other times when it was raw I did. But because I been left alone for 3 months. My thinking and views have changed from what it first was.

I just see a person who will never be happy and the most important thing is, I CAN BE HAPPY. I'll find someone who respects me and does not lie to me and abandons me, that's real love.

[xenia]

The demise of the r/s is like a death.  We go through all of the grieving process and move forward.  We learn a life without them. The r/s has been buried and we've attended the funeral. 

And then you get a text or some form of contact from them.  And it's hard because old feelings get stirred up.  It's almost like someone who you've paid your final respect to has contacted you from beyond the grave? 

I know it has been mentioned here before, that people feel their pwBPD has a special sense and "knows" when you have moved on. I believe everyone is connected in a universal way that we may not fully understand, so that theory is possible to me. But I have another one, and I'll us a totally different example from my life.

My friendship with my suspected-BPD friend sent me into a depression that I hadn't been in for a very long time. I think I became attached to her because I had been longing for new friends for a while, and my current friendships were becoming less fulfilling. The two of us seemed to have a lot in common and she seemed very fond of me; I ate it up. Well, once things crashed I was so distraught that I started reevaluating ALL my friendships (which I had been doing for about a year anyway) and decided to step back. I was in bad shape to be a friend, and I definitely wasn't going to receive new friends because being in a lonely state is how I met my suspected BPD friend. I want to be healthy when I invite new people into my life.

Well, this year, two old friends of mine (one from childhood and one from college) are getting married, and both plan to invite me to the weddings. Now, I love weddings! Or at least I used to. But I've felt so detached from my friends that I do not want to attend these weddings because they will remind me of the distance and how it will likely get worse once they become wives. So I have been ignoring Save the Dates and dreading the invites. If I could have my way, they'd magically know I don't want to attend and not invite me! But that's not how life works. And I swear to you... . the times that I think about these friends and their pending weddings, I get SOME form of communication about it within days. Just this past week I got a wedding shower invite and bridal shower "save the date". The weddings are two months apart. I feel like this is not a coincidence. A higher power knows how I feel about the upcoming weddings, and I feel like these "coincidences" are tests to see if I'm going to stick to my guns or cave. Or worse, will I run away by ignoring and not responding? So maybe your BPD ex's don't have special senses. Maybe it's the universe's way of testing you right before you enter the next phase of recovery.

Just a thought.

[mcc503764]

That is so funny that you say that.  I've "reengaged / recycled" with my x countless times over the past 2 years, and I swear to God it's almost predictable when she will strike?

Well after her emotional tsunami subsides and she goes off to "care for herself," or the mailman is knocking on her bedroom window, I cant help but ask myself, "how does she know when I am doing well?"  "How can she literally seem to sense when I am doing better?"

I've deleted my facebook.  I am neighbors with one of her distant friends, but I wouldn't think that would provide her with any sort of "emotional update" pertaining to my life.

Which unfortunately leads me to believe she knows about this webpage.  She does have NO boundaries, so I wouldn't put it past her... .

Just my thoughts

MCC

[Discarded26]

I guess I just want some reason why he would send messages like that?  

What is the point? He obviously want's a reply, but why? Same as the last message 3 months ago, saying, "I'm stubborn and should grow up and speak to him"

Just find it strange and weird. And to make a point I would never go there again. Just obviously it's like mind games, and most women always want to know, why, what, how . Even without an ex BPD