I got a present : (

[Bananas]

From my ex.  A returned gift.  A painting I had made for him of his dog after she died.  And on top of the painting placed neatly in the box a dead mouse.  Even though it is of his beloved dog, I understand how he would not want the painting as it came from me and he hates me at the moment.  But the mouse?  That is just evil.  He knows I am an animal lover and do not like to kill even a spider.  I am very sad and disturbed and not sure how to handle this.  I have 3 missed calls from him which of course I am not answering.  :'(

[HardTruth]

Wow!  That's a little weird.  So sorry about that.

[Surnia]

Wow, Bananas, I feel with you. 

This is really hard stuff. Sounds very insane to me. It has nothing to do with you. He is mental ill. And no, I would not answering the phone. Can you block his number?

Do you have some friends or family members near you?

[Bananas]

Wow, Bananas, I feel with you. 

This is really hard stuff. Sounds very insane to me. It has nothing to do with you. He is mental ill. And no, I would not answering the phone. Can you block his number?

Do you have some friends or family members near you?

Thanks Surnia.  It is crazy.  I think he thinks this stuff is funny, I picture him laughing as he is thinking about me opening the box.  He is calling on my work cell phone so I can't block the number.  I do have him blocked on my personal phone.  I do have wonderful friends and family, but they do not live near me.   

[delgato]

And on top of the painting placed neatly in the box a dead mouse.

I think we need a "What the heck" emoticon!


Sorry to hear that you're the recipient of this bizarre behavior.

The stories on this board never cease to amaze me... . :'(

[Rose Tiger]

I would report this to the police.  Put this on record with the authorities and please consider a restraining order.    Take care and be viligent about your surroundings.  Be aware when outside of your house. 

[Bananas]

I would report this to the police.  Put this on record with the authorities and please consider a restraining order.    Take care and be viligent about your surroundings.  Be aware when outside of your house. 

Thanks RT I did talk to my neighbor, he is a police officer.  I have my dogs, they will not let anyone near the property without letting me know well in advance. 

In the past he told me he would do these sort of sick things to his sisters, ex wife and exgfs and laugh about it.  When I would get upset he would then say he was joking. 

[danley]

Um... .

When I first started reading your post I felt sad that he had returned the painting. But further reading about the dead rodent was a definite WTH moment. This is strange. I dont find it funny. Id probably photograph the whole present with rodent included as evidence. Keep a record of these disturbing incidents. Im sorry this happened to you.

Stay safe.

[Murbay]

Hi bananas, I had to read your post a couple of times before it sank in. I am so sorry you were subjected to that and like the others here, I feel quite concerned for you.

For me, this goes beyond just a mental illness as it is just sick. I'm hoping your neighbour gave you some sound advice too. If anything, this is a clear indication that you aren't dealing with a rational individual.

[Rose Tiger]

I know most of the posters on the site are sweet kind hearted people.  I will capture a spider and take it outside.  We tend to be a forgiving bunch to our past partners.

Yet... . what he did was mean and cruel.     I do know that these types of things can possibly escalate.  That's why I hope you do more than talk to your neighbor.   Set the soft heart aside and say, no this is not ok to do.  You are more than a sister, you are in bad mommy category with this person.  Please take care.

[Validation78]

Hey Bananas!

I too am very disturbed by this. I hope you will be extra vigilant in looking after yourself and take precautions to be safe.

Not to make light of his crazy behavior, because it's not funny at all, I might look at this kind as confirmation of your decision not to be involved with this person anymore. If you ever have thoughts about being friends, or getting back together, just remember these sorts of things, and it's all you'll ever need to know to keep you strong!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[atcrossroads]

I'm so sorry, Bananas - how truly upsetting this must be!  It is reminiscent of Glenn Close killing the rabbit in Fatal Attraction!

I agree with what others have said:

 -consider reporting to police to have it on record in case he does anything else twisted

 -be very careful

 -rally friends and support - people who are close to you (even though your family isn't close) would want to help you now even if that means going out to dinner or meeting for coffee or a drink.  Support is invaluable!

  -NC!  :)o not give him the satisfaction to know this bothered you in any way.  THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS.  my BPD husbands has told me many times that what he hates more than anything is to be INGNORED.  This is true for many BPDs, and obviously, he is calling to get a reaction.  It's sick and demented, and please don't give him the satisfaction.

I'm deeply sorry he is tormenting you like this.  Keep your head up, be thankful you got out, and carry on working on yourself and your life.  The only positive I see to my soon to be exBPD husband's bad behavior right now (many cruel communications) is that it totally validates that is was right to leave.  Whenever I wax a bit nostalgic about the "good times," he sends me a hateful email that wipes away any regret I have for leaving.  I hope this incident solidifies for you that he is not stable or kind in any way -- you are much better off without him.

Stay strong!  

[hanginon]

I agree with everyone that has posted here and suggest you be very careful.

I will only add that in my personal experience with a BPDw, is that when they "feel" attacked or extremely hurt... . they can be brutal to other people.  The most hurtful I have ever seen.  I have heard my BPDw tell her daughter during an argument/guilt trip over something that really wasn't that big of a deal that she should regard that her mother was "dead". I think her daughter was 12 or 13.  I am sure she will carry a mixed bag of scars and genes that she will struggle with for the rest of her life.  From my experience  with my w I would say that after the fact he realized it was a over the top and is trying to call you and as you mentioned he has done earlier to sort of make a joke about it and defuse the situation by trying to get you to laugh it off. At the time he did it though... . I am sure he meant it to have as much sting as possible.

I have talked with my s/o about it when she had a moment of clarity and she said it was like she had to do something to inflict what she felt like was equal pain but to a pwBPD that "pain" is very exagerated.

Stay Safe,

Hanginon

[Bananas]

Thank you all who took the time to respond.  You all are awesome and I appreciate the support!  Today, I got an email from a mutual friend saying:

1) ex is sorry he had to return the painting but he got a new dog and it hurt too much to be reminded of the old dog, and he thought I would like the painting back rather than ex throwing it away 

2) the other thing in the box was a "practical joke", and he hoped i didn't overreact and take it seriously, that I should know he likes to "prank his friends".

I am not responding to this either.  I have an appointment with my T this afternoon and then I am going on vacation.  Like so many of you said, this behavior just solidifies why I need to keep contact with him as minimum as possible.  I already saw him today at work and he attempted friendly chatter.   

[hanginon]

BINGO!

[Murbay]

I like to prank my friends too, usually by doing something such as changing their screen savers to something pink and fluffy or changing their ringtone when they leave their phone laying about. Something that I know they will find amusing. I don't think I have ever considered sending someone a dead animal and hoping to get a laugh out of it.

That really does worry me, despite your mutual friend trying to play it down. I'm even concerned that this mutual friend sees it as a practical joke. If it was one of my friends, I wouldn't be able to justify it and would most likely let them know they crossed the line.

I'm glad you aren't responding to it and relieved you are getting away for a short time too. I'm just sorry you have to still see him at work 

[Bananas]

I'm even concerned that this mutual friend sees it as a practical joke. If it was one of my friends, I wouldn't be able to justify it and would most likely let them know they crossed the line.

I'm glad you aren't responding to it and relieved you are getting away for a short time too. I'm just sorry you have to still see him at work 

Let me clarify that the mutual friend does not see it as a joke.  He was just relaying to me what ex told him.  He told me he told ex it was way out of line.  To which he said ex responded something like "i would never do anything to hurt her and if I ever find out anyone has done anything to hurt her they are done".  seriously... . insert what the heck smiley here.

[bpdspell]

Yes.

Quite upsetting, disturbing and well... . sadistic. Certainly narcissism at play here. I would certainly kept note of this and take it to the authorities. Revenge, payback and parting shots can sometimes play a role in these devastating breakups. This too shall pass. Obviously your ex believes you deserve to suffer as much as he does because they are tortured souls.

And yes. Block his number or change yours. My ex did horrible things in the end of our breakup and still felt entitled to call me and violate my boundaries. They're really sick in the head and heart.

Take care of yourself.

Spell

[VeryFree]

100% crazy.

Don't let him get into your head. If he's in it: kick him out.

He doesn't deserve a place there. He should be in another place: locked behind bars in a sweater with very long sleeves.

Take care. 

[Take2]

I have to chime in and agree with what most everyone has said here.  That is truly seriously disturbing.  Definitely document it and report it to the police.  Or at least keep evidence in someway of it.  And document any and everything that comes your way from him - because it sounds like he could be capable of doing more.

You may need to get a restraining order as has been suggested so you want to be prepared with documentation if/when it gets to that point (now?).

You work with him too... .   I work with my ex and it's also at a scary/dangerous place for me with intense rages coming my way.  How are you able to handle things there at work ?  do you see him or interact with him for your job?  Do you need to get a new job? 

Good luck to you.  I truly wish you well... .

[Bananas]

100% crazy.

Don't let him get into your head. If he's in it: kick him out.

He doesn't deserve a place there. He should be in another place: locked behind bars in a sweater with very long sleeves.

Take care. 

This made me laugh, thanks!

You work with him too... .   I work with my ex and it's also at a scary/dangerous place for me with intense rages coming my way.  How are you able to handle things there at work ?  do you see him or interact with him for your job?  Do you need to get a new job? 

Good luck to you.  I truly wish you well... .

UGH!  I walk on eggshells at work.  I will not get a new job.  I like my job!  He will not take that away from me.  I am interacting with him less and less.  Lately, he calls in sick whenever we have to work on something together, or have to be in the same room for a meeting, which is fine by me.  I am trying to just keep things professional.  He is smart and finds creative ways to bust that boundary, I hope he will get tired of it soon.  Maybe he will find a new job, if I am lucky.  I really feel for you T2, I think we have no doubt have an extra challenge in trying to maintain a co-worker relationship with these people. 

   

[Take2]

I absolutely agree bananas, it's so hard having to face the exBPD at work.  But your resolve actually gives me strength!  I don't want to leave my job!   But I am afraid there now.

Maybe if I can just be strong, and not cower from his verbal abuse,  I can make it stop.

The thing is... . I'm just not sure it ever will... .

[Suzn]

Like so many of you said, this behavior just solidifies why I need to keep contact with him as minimum as possible.  I already saw him today at work and he attempted friendly chatter.   

Yeah, that was not cool, I'm sorry this happened bananas. This reminds me of a little boy being mean because he doesn't know how to say "I like you." It's childish behavior. If he has done this to his sisters and other family he doesn't think it's a big deal. Is it possible to set up some boundaries at work with him? Possibly speaking to your boss if necessary to put some space between the two of you? He likely wanted your reaction to his prank today. If someone else is speaking in your behalf on the not cool part then he probably knows you weren't happy about it.

It is probably nice having a police officer living next door, does your ex know this?