How to respond to BP reading into things

[sjm7411]

I get a lot of "is something wrong?", "you're 'off' today", "sorry you're in a bad mood", "you've been acting funky all day", when I'm 100% completely fine, or if I'm just tired and it's got nothing to do with anything or anyone.  If I say "no I'm not", it turns into "yes you are, no I'm not, yes you are" nonsense.  I feel defensive because I don't like my moods being over-analyzed unnecessarily and misinterpreted.  Does this happen to any of you, and how do you handle it?  At times I have said, "what gives you the impression that I'm 'off' or 'funky' right now?" and he doesn't really have an answer - just says "I don't know, I can just tell".  Well, if I'm totally fine, I'm not sure where he's getting the feeling that I'm not and it leaves me in a no-win situation.  Any suggestions? 

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[bruceli]

Projection - The act of attributing one's own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

Sometimes people who suffer from personality disorders have an unstable view of themselves which leads them to lose track of where their own identity ends and where another person's identity begins.

[waverider]

It is common. Just a quick reassurance then move on. I know just being constantly asked if you are in a bad mood can put you in one if you try to analyse why they are asking.

They have a fear of your bad moods as it is a trigger for their fight or flight mode, so it is best not to get angry or ignore it. Just soothe and dont get drawn in to it

Reasons include, hyper sensitive to start off with. Projection of what they would, or are thinking, into an expectation that you would be the same. That is a trigger to something going on in their head. Fears, guilt, insecurities etc

[shamrock]

SMJ7411

You are talking about a problem we had for years. I felt that I could not be anything less than perfect. Any of my errors would be compounded way out of context.

As I got better with my own issues, & BPDW & I got training in the dissorder this problem went away

[daylily]

Reasons include, hyper sensitive to start off with. Projection of what they would, or are thinking, into an expectation that you would be the same. That is a trigger to something going on in their head. Fears, guilt, insecurities etc

Yes!  My uBPDh often thinks I'm attacking him when I'm saying innocent things, or when I'm upset about something else or at someone else.  He will attack me "back" and that starts an argument.  Things that I would say to or in the presence of someone else with no issue at all end up producing a fight if said in front of H.

Independently of that, he expects me and everyone else to follow his rules and think like he does, which is ridiculous, of course, because the way he thinks is far from the way anyone else thinks.  So I bet a lot of his misunderstandings of things I am saying are because he himself would be attacking me if he were saying those things.

  Daylily

[Chosen]

I think there are two reasons.

1. pwBPDs are extremely sensitive to emotions.  I find that I cannot really hide my emotions from H.  He detects that I'm upset about something very quickly.  But most of the time I will not admit it especially if it's something he caused (otherwise it will get into a discussion about how I'm not supposed to feel hit_ when he is hit_ ).  So if even for a split second he feels that your emotions is a bit different from usual, he can tell.

2. Projection and baiting.  He wants to find fault in your emotions/ answers so he can pick a fight.  Mine does that all the time as well, but I'm getting much better at not pouring our my emotions to him. 

[sjm7411]

These are great tips - thanks for the replies everyone!