5+ Years Later

[paul16]

Got an e-mail from exBPD (or whatever) gf 5+ years after we split up. Says she still thinks about me all the time etc.

Especially between relationships is my guess.

I had no desire to respond whatsoever. Why go back there? Plus her message took no ownership of all the turmoil that the relationship saw. She was just casting out some bait to see if she got any bites.

A mia culpa or two would have been a nice touch. Still don't think I would have responded but sheesh, what does she take me for?

I hope you all get to where I am sooner than I did!

[SicMDawgs]

Hi Paul ,

I got one from my ex -boyfriend 24 years later . In June of 2012 he friend me on FB and just started with little messages in September 2012 , then in October unleashed on me .

I had no idea about BPD , I had been out of his life for so long and  I have been married to a wonderful man for 21 yrs.   I thought with the content of the text that it was Bipolar disorder. As I put the pieces together with BPD fits the bill , with the help of a therapist and my school counselor they laid out the guide lines.

Needless to say he was a huge disruption  in my life from October 2012 to March the 1st when his wife caught up with the very sexual text he was sending to me !

I had so much guilt he laid on me for breaking up with him so long ago , the lies he filled my head with , blaming me for his downfalls in life  . I tried so hard to help him . When his wife caught him , she sent me a note saying he had been unfaithful to her before (not married but a year ) and his life was a mess, that he never made the right choices !  I did call him to talk about her catching him , of course it was all MY FAULT ! His reply to me was the reason he sent sexual text to me was because he was not getting what he needed at home and I was a challenge ! 

I ask myself daily why he could not just be friends with me ?  I have not heard from him since May 9th ... . the crazy moths with him were enough to last a life time .

[SicMDawgs]

Sorry she caught him on May the 5th , he left his FB page open she read the messages !  I do worry about him daily though ,everyday he crosses my mind. I am sure he does not think of me at all !

[MarcinN7]

Sorry she caught him on May the 5th , he left his FB page open she read the messages !  I do worry about him daily though ,everyday he crosses my mind. I am sure he does not think of me at all !

why do you care?

[Lao Tzu]

     I'm back in contact after almost exactly 30 years of complete NC, and I think I get why Sicmdawgs cares.  I'm also married to a great person (25 years), but the old relationship kinds of lives outside of space and time, really.  I thought I was completely over her but I have been as obsessed as ever.  Time just really isn't relevant in itself, it's the work you have to put in to beat this that matters.  I'm putting in the time now and it's helping, albeit slowly.

      Paul16, you are my hero.  I loved the snark ("Especially between relationships is my guess." as its exactly true. I really don't know for sure whether my "ex" recontacted me to re-cycle. She suddenly works where I do right after having an ugly divorce, but any relationship between us would lead to dismissal for both of us, so the interactions have been fully professional.  The challenge for me (and maybe Sicmdawgs) is to get to where I just don't care what her plans are.  I'm working on it.

[elessar]

about 4.5 years for me. in these posts i read someone's ex contacted him after 25 years. he divorced his wife to be with her. and then she left him again. what kind of power do they have over us? none of the other break ups really matter. it is something about them. we feel sorry for them. pity them. worry for them. and the way they treat us, we can't forgive ourselves that we allowed them to do that.

[paul16]

I mis-calculated a bit. It's 6+ years. Time flies when you don't have to deal with that type of drama.

At my age, I'm not concerned about what's 20-30 years in the future. Love life wise anyway. My concerns lean more toward being comfortable in my autumn years and reestablishing toxic relationships wouldn't help that. It would have the potential to destroy it.

If a relationship is healthy then it can be committed to. I just know that in the end, like everybody else, I'll die alone. Relationships should have mutual enhancements for the people involved. You have to realize that the only person that you literally spend your whole life with is you.

[MarcinN7]

You have to realize that the only person that you literally spend your whole life with is you.

This is powerfull, thanks for that

More motivation to work on being best friend for myself

Also I`m 27 right now and been 8 years with my uBPDexGF

Don`t terrify me guys that in 30 years i will still be obsessing over her 

Not gonna happen!

[SicMDawgs]

I can explain why I care or am concerned .

You date someone for 2 years , with that person every minute of everyday . ( no joking ).  As the relationship progressed I notice highs and lows , the fact he always had to be right, he never got along with anyone , really had no close friends. Steroids did not help in the end of the relationship , I am sure . At 20  yrs. old it scared me so I broke up with him.  He said it destroyed him , that I destroyed his life . Caused him to start drinking a lot .

24 years later he contacts you , he has married someone from Brazil , has just spent 2 weeks a year with her since 2006 . Claims he doesn't know her .  (I guess not ).

I started looking into how I destroyed his life , the things I unearthed broke my heart . Thinking to myself , how does someone come from such a good family with so much promise in life do these things to himself. I worry about the terrible choices he makes.

I guess as an elementary school teacher , you tell you students to make good choices everyday . I guess I want everyone to do that , to do what is right !  I never thought I would see his life such a mess ... . To be honest I wish I did not EVER run across him to witness his life !