IS this symptom part of BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Let me please preface this by pointing out that this symptom could unlock some answers into my father's behavior and conditions.

The question is,  is the aversion to travel or being away from one's home overnight a symptom of BPD ?

Now my dad hates travel. He hates it that any of his kids like to travel and do travel. It is something he just cannot stand, even though he does not live with us and from my point of view it is none of his business.

But he does seem to hate travel, and does not take vacations or weekend trips.  Hates it when others do.

Now this may be important. His parents were both that way.  Hated being away from home, never travelled much at all, and complained when they did. 

When we have gotten my dad out on a trip, like when we were younger, he complained and made everyone around miserable the whole time. Or at least tried.

Consider this: BPDs have a paranoid element to them. Travel could be seen as threatening by a BPD,  as it is away from the familiarity and comfort of home.   If he learned this from his parents, and it is part of BPD, then we need to look seriously at the elements of BPD which are learned

WHich scares me to no end because the more I read these boards, the more I realize  behaviors I Had learned from  him when I was younger.

If his aversion to travel is part of BPD, and he has influenced it in my mom as well, (she hates travelling too) then we may have some insight into the development of his condition.

Or maybe not, I may be off base here.  Someone here will have a some helpful answers though

[super dalit]

Let me please preface this by pointing out that this symptom could unlock some answers into my father's behavior and conditions.

The question is,  is the aversion to travel or being away from one's home overnight a symptom of BPD ?

Now my dad hates travel. He hates it that any of his kids like to travel and do travel. It is something he just cannot stand, even though he does not live with us and from my point of view it is none of his business.

But he does seem to hate travel, and does not take vacations or weekend trips.  Hates it when others do.

Now this may be important. His parents were both that way.  Hated being away from home, never travelled much at all, and complained when they did. 

When we have gotten my dad out on a trip, like when we were younger, he complained and made everyone around miserable the whole time. Or at least tried.

Consider this: BPDs have a paranoid element to them. Travel could be seen as threatening by a BPD,  as it is away from the familiarity and comfort of home.   If he learned this from his parents, and it is part of BPD, then we need to look seriously at the elements of BPD which are learned

WHich scares me to no end because the more I read these boards, the more I realize  behaviors I Had learned from  him when I was younger.

If his aversion to travel is part of BPD, and he has influenced it in my mom as well, (she hates travelling too) then we may have some insight into the development of his condition.

Or maybe not, I may be off base here.  Someone here will have a some helpful answers though

[Cordelia]

I dunno, my uBPD mom, who grew up as part of a military family that moved regularly, always claimed to enjoy travel.  In fact she was a big fan of the geographic solution - that once she had poisoned her relationships in one place, moving to a new place would answer all her problems, and wouldn't be so horrible, and she would finally be the person she thought she was supposed to be (she was still trying to figure out what profession she wanted to pursue when I ended contact with her when she was almost 60 - the time most people are thinking about ending their careers, not starting them).  She was a big "floater," going from one relationship to the next and one place to the next without the kind of personal consistency that most people eventually attain.  I see that as a sign of the unstable sense of self that is a hallmark of BPD.  She did combine that with paranoia, but she did not seem to extend that paranoia to strangers, only to those she knew.  She thought those she was close to were out to abandon reject or destroy her but had infinite faith in the goodness of strangers and her own ability to reinvent herself.  It probably made her quite vulnerable to actual predators, now that I think of it. 

So in my mom's case, not so much.  But this disorder can manifest itself so differently from one person to the next, it doesn't necessarily mean anything about the diagnosis. 

[isshebpd]

she did not seem to extend that paranoia to strangers, only to those she knew

Yep, that's the core of the issue with BPDers when travelling. They can be stressful to travel with (for sure, based on my experience). As for a general aversion to travelling, I've been reading a lot about BPD and haven't come across it yet.

One thing worth pointing out is most of the world's population probably hasn't been more than a few miles from their homes. I can imagine there are lot of people with a cultural dislike of travelling.

My uBPDmom is finally doing some recreational travelling for the first time in a long time. I'm happy for her, and see it as sign of an improvement in her condition. I think (hope) she is being easier on my enDad too.

[GeekyGirl]

Aversion to travel might be a BPD thing, or it might be personal preference. Does your dad have any sort of connection between travel and abandonment? Is he afraid of being separated from the people or things/places he loves? Does he hate change in general?

[super dalit]

Aversion to travel might be a BPD thing, or it might be personal preference. Does your dad have any sort of connection between travel and abandonment? Is he afraid of being separated from the people or things/places he loves? Does he hate change in general?

He and my Mom both hate change,  they cannot stand the idea of anything, or anyone, being different.

My father traveled a lot with business when we were kids. He got to go to places we would only dream of, London, Paris, Montreal, Brussels.   I once mentioned how I would love to go to Montreal and he just moaned and said "Noo"  Like I needed his permission or something

He hated recreational travel and he hated the idea of anyone else enjoying it.  He always tried to discourage me from going anywhere, and one day, I took a temporary, travelling job, and left and never  went back. That was 1992.

I think abandonment was at the core, because borderline's are very fearful of abandonment. It might have been near devastating for him to look around and realize that I was not coming back, and that he would have to find someone else to project his hatred and addictions and fears... . I think he chose my brother, who still lives there but rarely associates with him.

I have some thoughts on Cordelia's post as well, but I will mention it more in another post.  I personally have always hoped that moving to a new place would solve problems, and in some ways it has, especially the geographical distance  from my family.  But I personally do not seek out friends, people, certainly not strangers. I  am not anti-social, I simply choose to put my energies elsewhere and I am introverted  enough that I do not miss the company of others. 

[Asa]

uBPDmom hates travelling. She traveled a lot when we were young, and that could be Dad's influence, or her youth. She responded dreamily to conversation of other people's travels. Now she takes errand trips up to 90 minutes away, otherwise complains endlessly.

When she did travel, she would talk forever to complete strangers and it was torture for all of us. It could take hours just getting her away from checkout clerks. And we had to endure listening to the same story, over and over. These stories would morph into quite something, over time.

The hatred of travel could also be old age, cataracts degrading her vision, or other old age ailment, like needing to use a bathroom all the time.

[Levi78]

My uBPD mom will travel somewhere, then refuse to leave her hotel room.

[ScarletOlive]

I think abandonment was at the core, because borderline's are very fearful of abandonment. It might have been near devastating for him to look around and realize that I was not coming back, and that he would have to find someone else to project his hatred and addictions and fears.

This makes sense. People suffering from BPD have intense fears of abandonment, whether real or perceived, and so will do their best to avoid those panicked, intense feelings.