The far reaching affects of a BPD/NPD relationship/ordeal...

[Depression = 72% of members]

All... . I continue to be amazed by the far reaching affects this disorder can have for those of us unfortunate enough to have been "takin in" by their lies, manipulation and deceit!  As I prepare to get my life back in order after detaching from my NPD/BPD experience, I am sometimes left with so much guilt for dishonoring the home my wife and I shared for 32 years with this disordered person. 

Today is the anniversary of my wifes mother/my mother in laws death.  She also was an exceptional woman... . its no wonder her daughter/my wife was such a caring loving woman.

There really is no other place I can vent, where others will understand, how bad I feel for dishonoring my house ... . my bedroom with the insanity of my ex BPD/NPD fiance.  It hurts to even think I asked this disordered woman to marry me... . shared the same bed I made love to my wife in. 

I do know I was hurting... . I am better... . but there will always be these far reaching affects of my experience with BPD/NPD.  I am trying to be strong... . just dont feel so good about myself tonight for ever getting into this... . especially in the same house where there was so much love ... . the same bed where I experienced my last INTIMATE encounter with my wife two weeks before she died.  For those of you who are not familiar with my past posts, people who are dying push the ones they love the most away as they get closer to death.  My wife did this to me... . it hurt deeply... . but the day before she went to a hospital hospice situation she made a wall of pillows between us in our bed... . she said to stop me from messing with the morphine IV line.  It was hell to be in the same bed we shared so many intimate moments together and have a wall separating us.  But that night she reached through the pillows and put her hand on my knee.  That was teh moment the hospice nurse said I would have athat I would remember for the rest of my life.  I have never experienced a more intimate experience with my wife... . EVER.

So hope you all can see the guilt... . shame... . remorse I feel for ever having spent any time with my ex NPD/BPD in the same bed! My house is for sale... . my bed is for sale... . just feeling really crappy tonight. This disorder can have so much far reaching affects... . so be ready... . even after detaching... . their cruel behaviors... . albeit a sickness can effect those of us unfortunate enough to have fallen for their deceit for some time past detachment!

[flynavy]

All... . I continue to be amazed by the far reaching affects this disorder can have for those of us unfortunate enough to have been "takin in" by their lies, manipulation and deceit!  As I prepare to get my life back in order after detaching from my NPD/BPD experience, I am sometimes left with so much guilt for dishonoring the home my wife and I shared for 32 years with this disordered person. 

Today is the anniversary of my wifes mother/my mother in laws death.  She also was an exceptional woman... . its no wonder her daughter/my wife was such a caring loving woman.

There really is no other place I can vent, where others will understand, how bad I feel for dishonoring my house ... . my bedroom with the insanity of my ex BPD/NPD fiance.  It hurts to even think I asked this disordered woman to marry me... . shared the same bed I made love to my wife in. 

I do know I was hurting... . I am better... . but there will always be these far reaching affects of my experience with BPD/NPD.  I am trying to be strong... . just dont feel so good about myself tonight for ever getting into this... . especially in the same house where there was so much love ... . the same bed where I experienced my last INTIMATE encounter with my wife two weeks before she died.  For those of you who are not familiar with my past posts, people who are dying push the ones they love the most away as they get closer to death.  My wife did this to me... . it hurt deeply... . but the day before she went to a hospital hospice situation she made a wall of pillows between us in our bed... . she said to stop me from messing with the morphine IV line.  It was hell to be in the same bed we shared so many intimate moments together and have a wall separating us.  But that night she reached through the pillows and put her hand on my knee.  That was teh moment the hospice nurse said I would have athat I would remember for the rest of my life.  I have never experienced a more intimate experience with my wife... . EVER.

So hope you all can see the guilt... . shame... . remorse I feel for ever having spent any time with my ex NPD/BPD in the same bed! My house is for sale... . my bed is for sale... . just feeling really crappy tonight. This disorder can have so much far reaching affects... . so be ready... . even after detaching... . their cruel behaviors... . albeit a sickness can effect those of us unfortunate enough to have fallen for their deceit for some time past detachment!

[Clearmind]

Forgive yourself for putting some blinders on Fly for a period of time while you grieve your wife’s death! You didn’t do anything wrong. You maybe felt like you needed to hide your grief in another relationship.

OK it didn’t work out with your ex – so be it – you have a loving memory of your wife that will never escape you.

I have never experienced a more intimate experience with my wife... . EVER.

Not everyone can say this in a lifetime - you experienced it for a few decades. How wonderful Fly.

Be kind to you