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Author Topic: She actually accused me of being borderline  (Read 1355 times)
MindfulMan

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« on: June 22, 2013, 07:39:30 PM »

My BPDexgf left me 7 weeks ago.  She has had no contact with me at all.  I felt she was using me for financial support toward the end, then realized she may have been using me the entire 1 1/2 years we were together.  She is with her Narcissistic best friend who once accused me of being borderline!  Before she left, she left her phone open and I saw a text to a friend that she was afraid of me because I was borderline!  This is so twisted and sick, its beyond belief.  I sucked it up and took the high road during our breakup and now realize she saw that as a sign of weakness.  She had sex with me the day before she drove away - use me!  And now I'm borderline.  Amazing.
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Surnia
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« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2013, 03:02:21 AM »

Very strange and quite often here. You are not the only one who encountered this kind of things. 

Beside this how do you feel now, after 7 weeks?
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« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2013, 03:42:00 AM »

My still wife, although on the way to being ex-wife has done this. Once in the midst of her insanity, like she took our kid and disappeared for 4 days, she came home briefly and screamed at me about having a mental health problem. Then another time she just said it kind of out of no where. Recently she has said it twice, in public places where people can see and hear her. Her best friend is a complete narcissist and so much more cunning and malicious than my wife ever could be. My wife can be that way at times but I think the majority of it is genuinely not meant to be that way (doesn't make it okay or take the pain away) but this "Friend" is literally planting ideas into my wife's head about me being Boarderline! It is un freaking real to be witness to the crazy B.S this women tries to feed my wife. In fact we were separated but actually doing okay until this lady came a long. Yet in some ways it makes detaching somewhat easier b/c the escalated craziness is so much more difficult to deal with. On the other hand it makes it harder because I see my wife being manipulated by this woman who needs someone to rescue because she herself can not deal with her own crap. So I get sucked into thinking if this woman were gone that maybe we could go back and keep making progress. It is a double edged sword for me. Either way it is utterly amazing she could accuse me of such things. It is one of the more appalling and difficult things to deal with for me.
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MindfulMan

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« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2013, 11:20:40 AM »

Surnia

I was still missing her after 7 weeks. It was driving me crazy that there was zero contact despite the fact that she moved to the sun because of her illness: multiple sclerosis, depression, etc. I was kind enough to fly her cat down and she raged at me. After calling her and hearing this story she sends me an email after I sent pictures of her dog: 

I'm not ready to re-connect with you. I'm still processing our break up and it's incredibly painful, really. With all the drama around the living situation, Blue, and then Kieran, (her cat and dog both passed) I haven't had much left over to feel all that I've been holding about us.

I deeply appreciate these pictures.  I just can't really talk to you, yet. I hope you understand.



She can't talk to me yet because I don't think she is really thinking of me. She once told someone I was borderline and despite the nice email she  has painted me black. I keep reading into this thinking she may one day call me. But I suspect it will never happen. I am trying to date and not think about her.  I know it's crazy and people are sick of hearing me talk about her but she is simply not interested in talking to me. I suspect I will hear from her when she needs money or can't find someone else to attach to. It's so sad. This disease is insidious.

Very strange and quite often here. You are not the only one who encountered this kind of things. 

Beside this how do you feel now, after 7 weeks?

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MindfulMan

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« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2013, 11:31:42 AM »

thisyoungdad

I can totally relate.  My exBPDgf best friend is also a complete narcissist and I'm sure she has planted the seed in her head that I'm BPD.  Her Narcissist best friend needs my exgf to be always falling apart so she can infantilize her and take care of her.  My exGF is aware of this but now has moved in with her. This is despite the fact that before she went, she complained all the time about her narcissist best friend.  I suspect my ex slept with her roommate or used her sexuality to flirt with him and it got her into trouble.  Now she is under the wing of her best friend who also needs someone to rescue because her own life is a disaster.  Same story.  I suspect that my exgf would talk to me if it wasn't for her.  But why do we insist on seeing the good of our exBPD when it really isn't there?

Just remember that even if this woman was being manipulated by her friend she would find another reason to paint you black.  It is one of the more twisted and appalling things about this disease.  Take care of yourself first.  Try not to get sucked into her drama.  You may discover something about yourself that allowed you to draw in a woman like this in the first place.  My heart goes out to you.  I know its a very difficult situation.


My still wife, although on the way to being ex-wife has done this. Once in the midst of her insanity, like she took our kid and disappeared for 4 days, she came home briefly and screamed at me about having a mental health problem. Then another time she just said it kind of out of no where. Recently she has said it twice, in public places where people can see and hear her. Her best friend is a complete narcissist and so much more cunning and malicious than my wife ever could be. My wife can be that way at times but I think the majority of it is genuinely not meant to be that way (doesn't make it okay or take the pain away) but this "Friend" is literally planting ideas into my wife's head about me being Boarderline! It is un freaking real to be witness to the crazy B.S this women tries to feed my wife. In fact we were separated but actually doing okay until this lady came a long. Yet in some ways it makes detaching somewhat easier b/c the escalated craziness is so much more difficult to deal with. On the other hand it makes it harder because I see my wife being manipulated by this woman who needs someone to rescue because she herself can not deal with her own crap. So I get sucked into thinking if this woman were gone that maybe we could go back and keep making progress. It is a double edged sword for me. Either way it is utterly amazing she could accuse me of such things. It is one of the more appalling and difficult things to deal with for me.

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Clearmind
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« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2013, 12:14:54 AM »

Mindful, I understand your ex is not diagnosed. Have you told her you think she is BPD?
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VeryFree
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« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2013, 03:11:38 AM »

My stbx told me and a lot of people in our surroundings that I'm probably NPD.

During my r/s I talked with different friends about it. Everybody laughed out loud: most of them think I'm the opposite.

In the last months of our r/s I went into therapy and after a about six sessions I asked my T about it.

He told me that almost every male has some N in him. That's nature. In my case he told me it surely isn't above average and therefore her claim is totally nonsense.

It's the way for a BPD to handle you: projecting, gaslighting.
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MindfulMan

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« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2013, 09:46:48 AM »

Yes. We discussed it. While we were fighting in front of a friend who is a therapist he listened and told me she was udBPD. I tried to discuss this with her as best as I could. But her behavior fits the classic BPD symptoms. Including the huge sexual attraction at the beginning, the emails we exchanged during the idealization stage and the clinger stage. And finally, her rage and her painting me black. Some of her behavior was bizarre, like calling me at 4 am the night after my brother died and complaining that she wasn't coming first in my life, before my children.

She is a writer so I have a long email exchange which seems to track along the casebook text study of BPD.

We discussed her life at length. We were both in a similar coaching program that has a strong psychology aspect to it. They were puzzled by the constant drama in her life.

I was trying to figure out why our relationship wasnt working and researched everything. She has been through many relationships since she lost her home in Katrina and has moved 7 times in the last 3 years and now may have to move again

I read her the treatment for DBT and she started crying saying this was her life. I told her it was treatment for borderlines and she wanted us to go to therapy together. She said she didn't care about the label as long as she could heal.

We never made it. I became worn out by her constant complaining about me... . to me. The person she had been working with told me that she "fired" him (her coach/therapist) and rejected all the people she had been working with. He  told me that when she met me she told him 1. We were sexually compatible. And 2. I was rich (which I'm not).

Clearly at the end of our relationship she could hang around and complain how unhappy she was but still wanted my financial support. I had to ask her to pick a date and leave.

I have a bacground in psychology and i work with clients. So she feels like BPD to me. And she agreed that the treatment for BPD is what she wanted.

Could I have done anymore?  Now I'm working on myself and realize how much I needed to rescue her because that was where I needed healing.

Maybe she isn't  100% BPD but everyone is different. Does that make sense ?

Mindful, I understand your ex is not diagnosed. Have you told her you think she is BPD?

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MindfulMan

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« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2013, 09:51:13 AM »

Elpis

It is pure projection. But we all think we are losing our minds, including the twisted notion that maybe we are the ones with BPD. So I became very willing to do a lot of work on myself and discover if I really was BPD. And just by the nature of willing to own my part in the failing of our relationship, including that I was BPD probably meant I wasn't.

It's quite twisted.

I think that accusing you of being what you are thinking they are is that "projecting" thing. I can't tell you how many times my husband has accused me of being manipulative/controlling/etc etc at pretty much the exact moment I was thinking, "hm, this seems pretty controlling." or whatever it was. i'm not sure how Projection starts, other than the BPD person is uncomfortable with the feelings in them and so shoot them like paintballs at their partner. It would be worth looking up though to help you understand!

My BPDexgf left me 7 weeks ago.  She has had no contact with me at all.  I felt she was using me for financial support toward the end, then realized she may have been using me the entire 1 1/2 years we were together.  She is with her Narcissistic best friend who once accused me of being borderline!  Before she left, she left her phone open and I saw a text to a friend that she was afraid of me because I was borderline!  This is so twisted and sick, its beyond belief.  I sucked it up and took the high road during our breakup and now realize she saw that as a sign of weakness.  She had sex with me the day before she drove away - use me!  And now I'm borderline.  Amazing.


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« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2013, 04:45:02 PM »

Yes. We discussed it. While we were fighting in front of a friend who is a therapist he listened and told me she was udBPD. I tried to discuss this with her as best as I could. But her behavior fits the classic BPD symptoms. Including the huge sexual attraction at the beginning, the emails we exchanged during the idealization stage and the clinger stage. And finally, her rage and her painting me black. Some of her behavior was bizarre, like calling me at 4 am the night after my brother died and complaining that she wasn't coming first in my life, before my children.

She is a writer so I have a long email exchange which seems to track along the casebook text study of BPD.

We discussed her life at length. We were both in a similar coaching program that has a strong psychology aspect to it. They were puzzled by the constant drama in her life.

Mindful, I understand your ex is not diagnosed. Have you told her you think she is BPD?


Mindful, to provide some perspective. The reason I asked the question was - a Borderline cannot accept responsibility for their actions - this is the disorder - not your fault. I have seen it so many times where members tell their partners they think they may be BPD only to have themselves accused down the track. This is a natural progression of BPD - its a blame and shame disorder and to relinquish the shame she will accuse and blame... . its our choice whether we believe it or not - its their choice to do whatever they want! We cannot control them (any longer).

You probably received a lot of blame throughout the relationship - accusing you of BPD is just one facet - to her its no big deal to you its devastating and no doubt confusing.

So its OK you discussed BPD with her - no doubt - also accept that it may backfire - her level of emotional maturity cannot deal with the fall out of knowing she may have or is being told she has BPD - see my point?

Accept the disorder for what it is - you lived you - you have seen it - why does this surprise you?

I was trying to figure out why our relationship wasnt working and researched everything. She has been through many relationships since she lost her home in Katrina and has moved 7 times in the last 3 years and now may have to move again

I read her the treatment for DBT and she started crying saying this was her life. I told her it was treatment for borderlines and she wanted us to go to therapy together. She said she didn't care about the label as long as she could heal.

We never made it. I became worn out by her constant complaining about me... . to me. The person she had been working with told me that she "fired" him (her coach/therapist) and rejected all the people she had been working with. He  told me that when she met me she told him 1. We were sexually compatible. And 2. I was rich (which I'm not).

Clearly at the end of our relationship she could hang around and complain how unhappy she was but still wanted my financial support. I had to ask her to pick a date and leave.

I have a bacground in psychology and i work with clients. So she feels like BPD to me. And she agreed that the treatment for BPD is what she wanted.

Could I have done anymore?  Now I'm working on myself and realize how much I needed to rescue her because that was where I needed healing.

Maybe she isn't  100% BPD but everyone is different. Does that make sense ?

Yes it makes sense. I see you have an understanding of BPD and are well versed, intelligent man – you certainly have convinced me – now maybe its time to convince yourself.

She wore you down, likely you feel a fragment of your former self and trying to make head and tails of the situation – guess what? – she is doing exactly the same thing – she is confused beyond recognition and has no idea why her relationships keep failing – you are both grieving – the difference being you can learn from this and find out the reasons why you chose a Borderline and how not to choose another. Choice in your healing path is yours.

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« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2013, 07:33:55 PM »

MindfulMan, (I can’t figure out how to quote less than the entire piece) you said: “But why do we insist on seeing the good of our exBPD when it really isn't there?

I suspect it’s due to the fact they ‘mirror’ our behavior, and if we’re good people - that’s what we see in them.  We think we see a magnificent life partner, act on that, then apparently have some pretty good times. 

What we eventually come to recognize, after some very traumatic events, is there’s something seriously wrong with this person.  If we’re fortunate enough to figure out it’s BPD, and find resources like this, we’ll naturally start at ‘the top of this board’ and try to help them.  Once we’re ‘down here’ - we’ve tried it all and have given up …and are hopefully not too injured or permanently scarred to move on…

They say our brains discard painful memories and retain the sweet ones.  Makes sense, otherwise we’d likely all be nuts   But something beautiful had been triggered by our BPD’s, they’re apparently very (Very) good at that …if practicing it fulltime. 

Maybe we simply want to help them, and are willing to overlook their flaws in the process?  As it appears, we’re merely helping them to hurt others …after they’re finished hurting us... .   We’re likely just good people – seeking and promoting the good in others, no matter how hard we have to look.  ~ Good question Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) 

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« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2013, 07:51:46 PM »

mindfulman, i understand your frustration. i know you wanna get some resolution and there is nothing you can do. Im a woman and i think i dated a BPD guy, or that i am one, i have no idea. i know that I paid most of the bills and was happy to do so, i know i encouraged him in a job search. I know he pushed for us to move in together. then i witnessed the all so infuriating phenomena of triangulation (read definition) where i was left out of a new friendship and judged for trying to control him (by paying bills) Its amazing how doing something kind is a license to accuse. He actually left by saying "You cant help someone who cant help themselves and you cant depend on me for your hapiness... . in my mind i depended on him so rarely, we were both independant but now he has gotten inside my head, made accusations, left me at the most hard hitting time, with mother in the hospital, when i no longer had the funds to pay as much, in a new city where i know nobody to lean on for break up support and makes sure he tells me he is not there for me to lean on- "tough love"

thing is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. maybe i am BPD and am so oblivious that i never knew it.

but i have become so confused and alone, and frustrated that I eventually flipped worse than ever. I mean i think i had BPD rage for the first time at 32... .

worst thing is it has been FOREVER. literally 2 years and i think of him every day. I still feel anxiety, frustration and an aching heart. i read psychological stuff about BPD and narcissism and mirroring and my mind is so stuck on figuring it out and im so confused from the psychobabble that i feel like im in a messed up dream. Has anyone else been convinced they are the sick ones.

im open to the chance that both of us were. i just dont understand my failure to get over it. i never felt this stuck. any thoughts?
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« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2013, 08:54:31 PM »

Dear Itookthislong,

     "worst thing is it has been FOREVER. literally 2 years and i think of him every day." Forever? These things seem to exist in a time and space all their own.  A very nice guy on here named Charred left his marriage and a really great job for a presumed pwBPD who dumped him shortly thereafter. Then he worked his way back up the ladder to a good place and got married and had a daughter.   After 25 years the pwBPD came back and he repeated the same thing with the same result except now there was a child involved.  I, personally, after 30 years of no contact following a two month r/s find I am suddenly back in contact with my ex and having a very hard time getting detached.  Hard enough that today I'm making plans in my obviously cracked mind to be with her after I initiate divorce with my very sweet wife of 25 years.

     Feel better? I thought so.  Before you get too down on yourself, it might surprise you to know that both I and my presumably uBPDex have enough advanced degrees from the Ivy League to paper a subway station and we're closer to 60 than 50 y.o. at this point.

     As far as you being the sick one, first of all: Good for you.  You are brave enough and fairminded enough to consider something you don't think is likely at all.  Second: You're not.  As good people here have pointed out to me when I've thought the same, the mentally ill don't have the insight to even analyze such a thing, so you've pretty much already proven that is incorrect.

     I personally think the toxic mix happens when two people who are extremely affected by fears of abandonment fall in love.  One may be much worse than the other so the less abandonment-sensitive may think of the more sensitive one as BPD-like, and in fact the worse off one may actually have BPD.  However, Skip makes the point often that most of the people being discussed here probably don't have BPD.  They have traits that pwBPD have, but only a professional could know for sure and often that just will never happen because of the lack of insight thing already mentioned.

     So, the deal is for us to fight hard within ourselves to understand the abandonment problems we have and stay the heck away from the possible BPD person while you do that.  I had no choice about being enmeshed with her again as we have been brought together by work.  I do have a choice concerning thinking about being with her and so far I'm making the wrong one, as I've decided she really doesn't have BPD at all.  As you noted, this thing kind of sucks.

LT 

     
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« Reply #13 on: June 24, 2013, 09:03:03 PM »

LT- so she does not have BPD? how did you become "enmeshed as you say"

I really really appreciate the thoughtful response, my heart has been aching all day i cant focus on anything 

and yes you did make me feel better, haha. but 2 years feeeels like forever when i just want to be happy again. its such a strange feeling. the reason im scared i have BPD is below:... . i am trying to work this out but im a little worried im going to far down the rabbit hole while my ex is having the time of his life (i realize its not relevant but i cant help thinking from his shoes)

i left out the part about the ex sleeping with other women if i wasnt around one weekend, like i had to be there at all times, but if i was there too much he felt crowded.

my mom had these crazy rages while we were growing up and she would say horrendous things. about me being disgusting, or men wont want me, wishes she never had me, ruined her life, i looked like a dyke, the list goes on... . and i delt with it pretty decently. Id brush it off or actually empathize with her like, she loves me she must really be under stress. She used to talk to me about marital problems, and problems with her friends on my way to school when i was 13 or so, so i kinda became used to switching between her caretaker and her punching bag. Thing is, Now its gotten to the point where ive got nothing left, i feel like i never spend time on me and if i do i feel guilt and selfishness. But now that i want to focus on me my mom has debilitating illness and i have to stay close by and sometimes change diapers, tie shoes etc. I feel anger building in me.

My most recent ex was definitly an escape from that. we laughed and he never said there was a problem. i felt very comfortable, but did do a lot of caretaking. when i say that i dont know what he means that he put up with me, i really dont. I mean everything was fine i was never angry with him so i cant imagine i yelled, but i did pay for a lot, and i guess some people see that as controlling, but still after i bent over backwards for this last ex, in every way imaginable (including providing housing and helping or TRYING to help with his career when he was struggling) he got a new job, left me and  said "Im not gonna let you get in the way of my dreams"

he has a great job and i am now broke and taking care of my mom. I KNOW i did it to myself, i know i was stupid and naive but people might forget when you grow up taking care of others sometimes you dont even realize your doing anything out of the norm it feels natural.

so "Your not getting in the way of my dreams... . "

it floored me. we never fought... . it triggered me or something because this is why im scared im a BPD. maybe it had something to do with stuff my mom used to say, maybe it had to do with expending all my energy on others when i know full well i shouldnt have... . but I experienced the kind of rage i have never felt before and ac ted like a psycho ex. and it frightened me. i still have guilt. i acted like my mom used to and ive never done that before. its new to me to have behaved like a crazy woman and now im a psycho to our mutual friends, completely cut off etc.

this ache in my heart has not gone away for months. i feel it all day. i feel broken all the sudden. i worry im a broken person now

thing is, i know ive put up with some crazy mind bending abuse, but then i read that borderlines think everyone abuses them and now im confused... . completely. and i feel guilt, thanks for response i appreciate you taking the time to read- i know this is kind of a downer but i have nobody to talk about this with right now
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« Reply #14 on: June 24, 2013, 09:58:54 PM »

Hey, we're in much the same boat.  [It may be sinking, but at least it's ours.]  By the way, if there's one thing I actually know for sure it's that your ex is NOT having the time of his life.  Seemingly good things happening to them is kind of like earrings on a pig.  It's an attempt to dress things up that just doesn't work.  He wasn't happy with you despite the fact that you adored him and still do?  What sane man wouldn't be happy with that.  Love isn't really all that common is it?  He needed to screw 10 women when you were away?  Does that sound like something a sane person does? Would that behavior by you make you happy, for instance?  I doubt it. 

     Please don't say you are stupid or naive; I don't regret one thing about falling in love.  If love is stupid and lovers naive them please let me live where more stupid and naive people are.  The truth is that you were neither.  What it seems clear you were was horribly abused and thus later in life susceptible to the 'black magic' of a clearly toxic relationship with someone else who was even more screwed up in the abandonment department than you were. 

     You are clearly a giving person and a very forgiving person as well.  I can tell you that I have seen a lot of families literally dump their mother for a lot less than you've endured from her.  All that giving attracted someone who is really very needy, like a moth to a light.  The problem is that this moth has the pathology that he loathes being drawn to the light.  Does this make no sense? As Bewildered2 says "They don't call it a mental illness for nothing."  The point is, it ain't you girl; trust me.

     At some point you might want to consider getting therapy to help you get past the anger and depression that stems from the incredible abuse you have withstood.  That is the secret to getting over this, I think.  My opinion is that you're a survivor and this terrible relationship will end up being the guide you need to make your life what it would have been without the abuse.  Hang in there kiddo.  The world really needs nice people like you.

LT
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« Reply #15 on: June 24, 2013, 10:09:53 PM »

you are right i know i need to go to therapy because although these things have had some effect on my life, like i dont think i reached my potential, i never really broke down till recently.

i guess i started to feel it all at once.

LT for your response... . thank you for takin the time to look into someone elses problem , i needed the encouragement and couldnt find it anywhere, you just had me in tears, (the good moving kind)

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« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2013, 10:13:24 PM »

Get some rest; you deserve it!
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