After she left her life became a disaster

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I had not heard from my BPDexgf for 7 weeks.  Then I saw a Facebook page about that her dog had passed away.  I called her (maybe a big mistake) and she told me such a disastrous story I was relieved I wasn't part of that drama.  She moved in with a roommate who was a single guy.  She finds out he's and ex-con and only pays her cash for rent.  She had posted on her blog that she went on a 4 hour motorcycle ride with him a month ago.  Now she said that he was sexually harassing her, claiming she was his girlfriend.  She said he was a control freak and she finally reported him to the police.  She has moved 6 times in 3 years and now she is moving again.  She moved in with a friend until she can get out of the lease.  In the middle of this her dog needed to be euthanized, she is running out of money and she can't get her deposit back.  She tells me all this and I am stunned what a disaster her life has become.  I listen to her, then at then end of the call she says "I didn't have any say in the money you paid me".  She lived rent free for over a year, and I paid for everything, including her move... . and more.  I suddenly realized I was nothing but a guy to feed off both emotionally and financially.  Part of me is sad, the other part of me is relieved.  And really, part of me is watching this train wreck, and I feel better about myself.

[MindfulMan]

I had not heard from my BPDexgf for 7 weeks.  Then I saw a Facebook page about that her dog had passed away.  I called her (maybe a big mistake) and she told me such a disastrous story I was relieved I wasn't part of that drama.  She moved in with a roommate who was a single guy.  She finds out he's and ex-con and only pays her cash for rent.  She had posted on her blog that she went on a 4 hour motorcycle ride with him a month ago.  Now she said that he was sexually harassing her, claiming she was his girlfriend.  She said he was a control freak and she finally reported him to the police.  She has moved 6 times in 3 years and now she is moving again.  She moved in with a friend until she can get out of the lease.  In the middle of this her dog needed to be euthanized, she is running out of money and she can't get her deposit back.  She tells me all this and I am stunned what a disaster her life has become.  I listen to her, then at then end of the call she says "I didn't have any say in the money you paid me".  She lived rent free for over a year, and I paid for everything, including her move... . and more.  I suddenly realized I was nothing but a guy to feed off both emotionally and financially.  Part of me is sad, the other part of me is relieved.  And really, part of me is watching this train wreck, and I feel better about myself.

[MindfulMan]

And I always get the nagging feeling when she tells me these stories, there is a lie in there somewhere.  I wouldn't be surprised if she slept with him or flirted with him because her sexuality is so overt. 

[Octoberfest]

I agree with you, it is validating and a relief in a way to hear that our BPDex's lives aren't all rosy and full of flowers after us... . Perhaps it is horrible of us to say that and feel that way, but it gives us a sense that WE weren't the cause of their misfortune.

I don't know that I would be surprised if she slept with him either... . pwBPD are capable of weaving most ANYTHING into a lie and make you believe it.  It hurts that someone we love so dearly does it, but they do it for them, not to intentionally hurt us.

[MindfulMan]

Octoberfest

It does hurt because I know she uses her sexuality as a tool to get what she needs. She actually told me she would never sleep with him, that he was gross.  It is almost irrelevant. I was hoping she would be still trying to get over me but I seem to be a distant memory after only 7 weeks. And you're right. I didn't care this misfortune. Why the hell do I miss her?  It's crazy.