its me keeping me here

[simplyasiam]

ex suffers from BPD and bipolar2 and other things. she left again again and again. i can do nothing for her says she fine.

well im not fine im sad mad worried in shook lost dont want to move on sick of old life scared of a new one co dependent on her

its been two months she been gone with a few short trem stays be here at home. im at 10 day point of no contact... . killing me. miss her and her kids alot miss old life even know it was a mess. i dont wanta meet someone new ive been on a few dates... . sucks acting like im good and where i am in life. i told one girl about what ive lived with she didnt seem to understand i can see why i dont understand myself.

im rambling on here i know but it help to get it out. wish i could just let it go walk away from im sick of lyimg to me that im ok and its all for the best sick of telling family and friends im doing my best and feeling better. i freaking hate saying bad things about her just to get me past that minute of the day.

i know im the one holding on seems ex is strong one shes one that walk away maybe use knew what was best.

ive let myself fall apart bills are behind i stay closed in my home everyday after work. my borther has come to stay with me im thankful for that but hate every minute of it. just not use to living with a man... . we are hell to be around at times

what on earth is going to become of me?