How do you show you care without pushing them away?

[recoil]

I keep bouncing between staying and leaving.  Technically, we are apart.

About three weeks ago, she initiated contact, which she has done frequently over the months.  This time, I took the bait pretty hard (I recognized what it was, but let's face it, I do miss having the good parts of her in my life). 

We had dinner.  Later in the week, I helped her with an errand during lunch.  We spoke every day for a week and a half.  Mind you, not about the relationship or anything of real substance.

Then the contact fell off.  Since she had reached out so much to me, I reached out to her.  I figured fair is fair.  She said she was in a very bad place; didn't want to talk about it.  I didn't push her.  I said I'm here if she needs me [I do have other things in my life to do in the meantime that I enjoy].

The texts and calls stopped.  She did email me a few times at work, stuff that wasn't that important (spam related actually).  So there was still some contact (in the interest of full disclosure).

I should also mention, a lot of our conversations were about me giving her advice on a cosmetic augmentation (where to get some additional funds).  I felt as though she might be asking if I'd give her a loan, or the rest of the money to get the procedure done - but she never outright asked.  I am not inclined to assist with money, as we are not in a relationship.  She had an open checkbook when we were.  I would have paid for this surgery when we were together but she'd get wishy/washy about wanting it and then not wanting it (sounds like the story of our relationship - but I digress).

We live near each other.  When we started speaking again, she told me she had a boarder helping her with rent.  She didn't speak well of the situation (having a friend of a friend in her house).  Personally, I had believed this was my replacement.  That car was out there again recently.  Perhaps that's why her communication stopped.

I did text her that I missed her.  This is the first time I've opened that part of myself up to her since the break-up.  There was no response by text.  She paged into my office with a work related item this morning and sounded like she was in a good mood.  She didn't say anything about the text, neither did I.

As the subject line says, how does one show they care, without pushing her away and still being true to yourself? 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[grad]

Sounds like she was testing the waters to see if you'd offer financial assistance.  There was no indication of a desire to rekindle the romance, just passing time and not wanting to be alone.

As far as showing you care, just don't ignore her as it would be triggering.  It's a one-way street, there's no point in contacting her because if and when she wants to see/speak to you, she'll let you know.

My advice is to continue being responsive to her communications but seek happiness elsewhere.