First part is here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=201696.msg%msg_id%I post this story for all of the people on here that are at the stage of trying to understand. I think we all go through this because after we are done with our ex's we find that we were just in a world that is completely inside out, upside down and backward. This kind of confusion along with the hurt it brings needs understanding. We see this on these boards all the time... . Why do they do this or why do they do that. I will tell the story but truthfully I do not know what is on her mind exactly so I will try not to guess on here. Mine prides herself on her secrets and more than once has told me that "I do not know her." So read and take what you can from it... . understanding their behavior isn't about you
Yesterday my ex with undiagnosed BPD contacted me to tell me that she had talked to her ex boyfriend (the one before me) and was told by him that I tried to contact him after our breakup. This is true, however this is now 14 months ago.
I have not heard from her in over a month, the last contact can be read about in the link above.
Our interaction was by text over a period of 3 hours (she must of had some time alone)
The texting started out as mentioned with her wondering why I wanted to talk to her ex 14 months ago. I told her the truth that I was hurt and trying to figure out what happened.
The details of it all are kind of irrelevant... . but two important pieces of info came out of all this. First she told me she contacted her ex before me. This relationship with him is 3-4 years ago now so it is obvious she is on a recycling tour. This all makes sense considering the stress that she is currently under. Second piece of info below.
We went back and forth about me contacting her frinds for information for a while... . I did my best not to argue but I did stand my ground. I tried to pull her to see some of the good from our past vs. always the negative, just to see if she could. A curious behavior happens everytime I am nice to her, she gets more angry. It has been obvious over the 14 months that she is much more comfotable arguing with me than anything else. During todays conversation she tried to put me down many times, calling me names and telling me that I had this disorder or that. Again I stood my ground gently pulling her back to the present reminding her that this is all over and that it serves no purpose to go over and over this. (truthfully I had done that already last year.) I tried to say goodbye and "take care" leaving open a friendly chat about the present as a possible future interaction but as is normal for her, she had to have the last word!
This last word (which ended up being the 3rd "last word" was about emails and texts of mine that she still has. She tries to sell me on a thought that I don't matter to her anymore but yet she still has every text and email. I had deleted all of mine long ago because it wasn't good for me to ruminate on them. After mentioning that I must still be on her mind, that is when the vitriol really started... . telling me that I must really be "F-ed up" that I have a huge ego and that I must be a narcissist. Telling me that "she cannot stand talking to me. (yet she was the one that contacted me.) She told me that she saved the emails and texts because she was afraid of me. This is ridiculous and she knows it... . I stood my ground on that one too.
Back and forth we went on this subject for a bit until I again reminded her that she can tell all the stories she wants to her friends and family about our time together but stop trying to convince me... . I was there. Standard "Gas Lighting" there.
One last detail to sort of wrap up... . I mentioned to her a piece of our relationship that either she is ignoring or really doesn't remember... . that she asked me for a one caret ring at 4 months into our relationship. (No I didn't buy it!
) She texted back that "we both know that never happened." I assure everyone on here it did... . and many times. Now the question is does she not really remember or is this part buried deep because her current feelings about me do not jive with wanting to marry someone? Interesting to ponder... . I don't know.
Things started to wane after her telling me a couple more time that "I am done with you" of course until she needed to make one more point. I wrapped up telling her to take care and if this is really it for us have a good life. Offering again a friendship without argument about the past. She then came back with a joke (after all this vitriol) and then saying qoute: "Maybe I'll text you when I'm not so aggravated with you!... . " Basically leaving me available for her needs in the future.
Note to the advisors: I am doing fine... . I am very aware of who she is and have no intention of allowing her to interfere in my life. This post about this interaction is really informational for anyone that can use this info to help them on their healing journey.
