Talked to a therapist for the first time today...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

So I went to a therapist for the first time today... . I explained my situation to her about my exgf and the first words she said afterwards were... . "I'm not sure if you're familiar with personality disorders -- specifically borderline personality disorder -- but that sounds like what she has. The fact that she has a history of abuse, an eating disorder, and the part about her that is like a chameleon points strongly to BPD." Needless to say this was very validating. Kind of let me breathe for a minute, to hear from a professional that it was a disorder and I wasn't just going crazy. She told me its very common for the partner of a pwBPD to feel like they are the crazy ones, that they are the needy ones... . It's about projection, mirroring. She recommended I read "I hate you, don't leave me" -- has anyone read this? Worth the read? Also was your first experience with your therapist validating as well? Today was a step in the right direction, I'm getting past the need to understand and now am looking at why I attract this type of person or am attracted to them. Learning about boundaries and how to be responsible to people and not for them! Thanks for all your help everyone you were vital to my journey

[Ahhhh431]

So I went to a therapist for the first time today... . I explained my situation to her about my exgf and the first words she said afterwards were... . "I'm not sure if you're familiar with personality disorders -- specifically borderline personality disorder -- but that sounds like what she has. The fact that she has a history of abuse, an eating disorder, and the part about her that is like a chameleon points strongly to BPD." Needless to say this was very validating. Kind of let me breathe for a minute, to hear from a professional that it was a disorder and I wasn't just going crazy. She told me its very common for the partner of a pwBPD to feel like they are the crazy ones, that they are the needy ones... . It's about projection, mirroring. She recommended I read "I hate you, don't leave me" -- has anyone read this? Worth the read? Also was your first experience with your therapist validating as well? Today was a step in the right direction, I'm getting past the need to understand and now am looking at why I attract this type of person or am attracted to them. Learning about boundaries and how to be responsible to people and not for them! Thanks for all your help everyone you were vital to my journey

[Lucky Jim]

Hey 431, Sounds like you are on the right path.  At some point, you may discover that you are no longer attracted to, nor do you attract, those w/BPD, which is a relief, believe me!  LuckyJim

[danley]

I went to see a therapist after my ex and his wife were starting the divorce process. Of course back then he hadn't done the rages and such as he did post breakup. He began seeing his own therapist too on his own accord. His therapist told him that it was good for me to see a therapist because I was being affected by the divorce too. I stuck with the the therapist longer than he did with his and I wasn't even the one getting a divorce. My therapist said that it was obvious that he was far below the curve in the emotional maturity area and that I'd have to pull some of the slack. But I wasn't prepared for the wrath that ensued after we broke up. When he saw the therapist I noticed a calmness about him. He seemed more positive and had a positive perspective. It kinda sucks that he stopped going because if anything, now would be the time he needs a therapist the most.

I learned a lot from the therapist. She opened my eyes to stopping negative self talk and to change my perspective on things. I'm sure your therapy sessions will help you too. If your therapist is like mine, she will help you. It may be uncomfortable at times but the end results will be worth it in the long run. I still use some of the things she's taught me.

[Ahhhh431]

Hey 431, Sounds like you are on the right path.  At some point, you may discover that you are no longer attracted to, nor do you attract, those w/BPD, which is a relief, believe me!  LuckyJim

That's definitely what I'm believing will happen! Life looks a lot brighter again!

[MammaMia]

Ahhhh

I have read the book "I Hate You... . Don't Leave Me".  It was one of the first things I read when I learned my son has BPD.  It details the turmoil going on in pwBPD as they struggle with relationships and it offers suggestions on how to protect yourself

from these tragic unions. 

It will help you understand the disorder better, whether or not you reconcile with your "ex". 

[winston72]

"I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" is very helpful.  Quite basic, but a terrific foundation for understanding some of the fundamental dynamics.